Mayonnaise Is The Worst Condiment

thefederalist.com ^ | Oct. 2, 2015 | William Kelly III

[PROCON]

There exists in this world a condiment below all others. It has all of the flavor of sawdust and the sublime texture of soap scum. Until recently, I was unaware that The Federalist, lovers of freedom, etc., was complicit in its spread. I rise today to defend America—nay, the world—against such scurrilous anti-food propaganda.

As all Americans, especially Texans, know, mayonnaise is a tool of oppression used by communists and bland-food lovers everywhere. It is a form of mind control designed to cow you into a sense of complacency about life. Food has flavor, and mayo covers that flavor up. It destroys your ability to taste.

What do you do to a food if it is too intense, and you’re not Texan? You add mayonnaise. In much the same way that salt is used to flavor food, mayonnaise is used to bland it. It is flavor’s anti-particle: it annihilates on contact.

Hello, People: The French Invented Mayonnaise

[Kickass Conservative]

That sat in the Warehouse for ten years, in Indonesia, with the top freshness seal broken.

[Salamander]

Dukes mayo ain’t half bad, either but Hellmans reigns supreme.

:)

[CatherineofAragon]

LOL!

Pass on THAT, but let me shake my head and (voila)big hair. There...’80s. :)

*nostalgic glow*

[PROCON]

I love the light-hearted approach we FReepers use to humor one another.

Now liberals would do what they always try to do.

If they don't like something, they want it banned for EVERYONE!

[Norm Lenhart]

Hey I made my wife dinner once ;)

[Lonely Bull]

I don’t hate commercial mayonnaise, but neither do I buy or use much. I prefer my homemade product, which has olive oil, more lemon than I usually find, and other additions.

[BlueLancer]

The only thing that should ever be contained in a mayonnaise jar are the answers for Carnac the Magnificent .. and that's only after sitting all day on Funk and Wagnal's front porch.

[Kickass Conservative]

>>>I’m one of 10 children. We were poor and couldn’t afford much heat. We slept 4 or 5 to a bed. When we got cold Mom just threw on another brother.<<<

Just in case nobody mentioned it, you just Won the Internet. Let me the first to congratulate you. #;^)

[TigersEye]

Exactly! Well prepared french fries can be a gourmet treat to savor. Poorly done and they’re junk food that fills the belly ... with a bomb ... and they need some help. Like ketchup which ensures that they explode properly.

[txhurl]

Go anywhere in Europe: you get a pound of fries with whatever entreee you order, even a tofu wrap, and 4oz of mayo artfully drizzled on your fries. It takes about 4 days to wrap your head around this, and *there is no ketchup in Europe*.

[TigersEye]

Rats tried it, left the warehouse and died in the alley.

[bjorn14]

I agree 100% agree. I use mayo on all my meat (except pastrami, then I use honey mustard) sandwiches instead of butter. Mmmm good.

[PROCON]

And in a hermetically sealed jar, at that!

I miss Johnny.

[trisham]

I’m hoping that I’ll like both, but... :)

[slouper]

What you said.

[surrey]

I grew up in in NY and my mother was a fabulous cook. She could make any ethnic dish so we tried everything. My absolute favorite....chicken fat (schmaltz) sandwiches. She also made a great chopped chicken liver, probably the best i’ve ever tasted, no mayo. I have an aversion to mayo when it’s too much. My daughter absolutely will not touch it.

[windcliff]

ping

[TigersEye]

I could live without ketchup. I could live with getting a pound of side order with my entrees too. I hate leaving a restaurant still hungry.

[trisham]

[txhurl]

One thing a lot of people don’t remember to stir the top couple/few inches of mayo in the jar with a clean fork, about 25 whips. It smoothes and shines it out, brings out the flavor of the lemon, vinegar, eggs, gets rid of the bubbles from the manufacturing process.