Posted on 08/16/2014 6:07:05 AM PDT by John Semmens
The emergence of a convenience store security video tape of Michael Brown roughing up the shopkeeper and stealing boxes of cigars was said to vindicate the looting rampage that followed his being shot by police.
"All those stuffed shirts saying that our robbing stores was an inappropriate expression of our anger and grief were dead wrong," asserted a self-identified looter who says her name is Jihadena. "One of the last things Michael did before he was gunned down was rob a store. We're just doing the work he no longer can do. What could be a more fitting tribute to his memory?"
Jihadena challenged the characterization of Brown as a common thug, insisting that "he was a guerrilla for social justice. President Obama promised transformation, but where are our reparations for slavery? Where is the equal distribution of wealth? That convenience store had plenty of cigars. What's wrong with Michael taking the initiative to redistribute a few of them?"
The image of Michael Brown as the liberator of cigars from the clutches of an Asian profiteer clashes with Al Sharpton's allegation of "a massive conspiracy to assassinate this young man's character. That video could've been photo-shopped. The witnesses to the robbery could've been coached. Michael's criminal history could be fabricated. Besides, even if he did rob that store since when do we have the death penalty for stealing cigars?"
In related news, U.S. District Judge Catherine Blake ruled that Maryland may ban assault rifles. "These weapons are inappropriate for hunting and they are too cumbersome for personal self defense," Blake asserted. "Their chief selling point seems to be that they would enable a citizen to resist government authority. As such, these weapons do not qualify for protection under the 'right to bear arms' clause of the Constitution."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/161283-2014-08-15-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-august-17-2014.htm
I guess this means that Santa has come”Early”this year?
Sure it is. It means we gets free stuff; that’s all. I bet they don’t care if this guy was shot.
Who was soon joined by her cousins, Victoza, Byetta and Januvia...
John John John.
Had me going but.. Use of words ie, inappropriate, expression, transformation, I just couldn’t picture one of these looters using 3-4 syllable words.
Caused me to check the authentication.
Homerun, again.
From the "you can't make this stuff up file. A name that starts with jihad.
None of the looters can allow themselves to be taken alive.
This womans comments go to show you just how successful LBJ’s “War on Poverty’ has been. A real triumph! Another generation and there will be total anarchy.
Because nothing says “Social Justice!” like a looted iPhone, or a looted pair of Air Jordan’s!
The looters did this to support the patron saints of THUGGERY -STS. Trayvon and Michael.
The owners of the businesses should walk away from the area. Let’em starve. Let it become a desolate ghetto-then we will hear the cries of abandonment and ‘food wasteland’ that they, themselves, made. Concentrate the defenses around places that deserve them. It’s Alamo time.
Because he was a thug? Ok...
Jihadena was a nice touch John ;’)
With the bases loaded! Hasn't been satire this good since the 1960s.
LOL...got me. You know, at some point society crosses the line where we can no longer tell satire from reality. We’re well past that...
Exactly
Yes, they are completely brainless.
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