Posted on 11/13/2002 2:21:10 PM PST by Brian Mosely
Here is a dutch joke:
Nadat de vrouw heeft plaatsgenomen op de divan, vraagt de psychiater wat er aan scheelt. De vrouw krijgt een kleur als vuur en stottert: ‘Uhh, tja, uhhmmm, hoe zal ik het zeggen? Ik ben natuurlijk geen expert... Maar, ik denk dat ik zo af en toe uhhmm-uhh een beetje nymphomanische trekjes vertoond. ‘Aha!’ Zegt de psychiater. ‘Ik denk dat ik u wel kan helpen. Maar ik moet u waarschuwen dat ik niet goedkoop ben. Ik reken honderdvijftig gulden per uur.’‘Dat valt mee,’ zegt de vrouw. ‘En hoeveel rekent u voor een hele nacht?’
"Is It In?"
Nam Vet
http://www.zompist.com/dutchcult.html
http://www.beard-redfern.com/int_humour.html
Nam Vet
The Reception Area was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It had a full bar (non-alcoholic, but had all the tastes of various beers and other drinks) and every type of food ever thought of. The view was fabulous. Everyone was smiling and seemed so happy.
The fellow turned to one of the very beautiful receptionists and said, "This place is beyond all imagination! It is just so wonderful. I traveled all over the world and Texas setting up HMOs and other managed care systems, but I never saw anything this wonderful. There must be some kind of mistake," he laughed.
"Oh, no, sir. We never make mistakes up here. Never have. Never will. See right here on the computer screen. It says you are fully certified for three days, sir."
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "you almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Australia sir".
"You're joking ! Why did you leave Australia?" asked the manager.
The boy replied, "They're all just whores and rugby players down there."
"My wife is from Australia!!"
The boy replied, "Really! What team did she play for?
Nam Vet
There is a tap on his shoulder and he turns around to see a big black bear. The black bear says, "You've got two choices. One, I maul you to death or two, we have sex."
Big Mike bends over for the bear. He's sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge. Big Mike heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him.
At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him. The grizzly says, "That was a big mistake. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." Big Mike bends over once again. He survives, but he's really hurting and takes quite a bit of time to recover and he's outraged.
He heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range. Sure enough, there's a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an enormous polar bear. The polar bear looks at Big Mike with a puzzled look and says, "You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"
,,, in the interests of diversity and trying to create a perception of even handed mockery I'm dragging out all sorts of pearls.
Do you know, the best joke I've ever heard in my entire life remains...
When does a Jewish mother consider a fetus viable?
The second he passes the bar or medical school.
Nam Vet
Um, my name may come from Holland, but the linguistic skills common to all Nederlanders didn't make it through the generations - at least I got a laugh out of seeing a joke (of course, it could be a recipe, for all I know - *GRIN*), in the Dutch language.....
This thread has been great - the stupidity of people getting angry at "stereotype" jokes (and calling them "discriminitory") amazes me! I once had an Hispanic Lt Col, active duty, USAF, tell me that the reason blacks and mexicans were not allowed to marry was because "they" were afraid the offspring would be too lazy to steal. He was laughing at stereotypes about both his heritage and that of blacks. I'm "white", but the two guys with me were (1) hispanic and (2) black. We all laughed, and it didn't hurt that this Lt Col could at times make Robin Williams and Jay Leno combined look inept as comedians - what a delivery!!
The really important word here is "laughing"! I get a laugh every so often when I pass on a "stereotype" joke and someone tries to call me prejudiced; I whip out a family picture, showing my Romanian wife, my four daughters and one son, my hispanic son-in-law, my Samoan son-in-law, my black son-in-law, and my five grandkids!
BTW, NONE of these are hyphenated ANYTHING - they are all, simply, Americans! You ought to hear the family reunions!! Literally, ROTFLOL 'til the tears run down your face!
If you think that a "cell phone" is where the sheriff lets you make one free call... you might be a redneck.
If you've ever handled a live rattlesnake in church... you might be a redneck.
And, for that matter, if you've ever handled a live rattlesnake OUTSIDE of church... you might be a redneck.
In fact, if you've ever handled a live rattlesnake, anywhere at all....
If you've ever kept a chicken in your cubicle...you might be a displaced redneck.
If your pickup truck is way too big for your corporate parking space...you might be a displaced redneck.
If you've ever said "shoot", "dang", "ain't", or "buddy", in a management meeting...you might be a displaced redneck.
O'Connell was walking down the street with a pint of Jameson in his back pocket. He slipped and fell and felt something wet run down his leg.
"Please God, let it be blood!"
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