Why Men Won't Commit: Men's Atitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage

"The thought that one or the other is completely and solely responsible and have only themselves to blame, frankly,sir, borders on juvenile."

Agreed, miss. See My previous thoughts upon the matter. And I have never explicitely stated that either is solely to blame for the situation that currently exists, despite allegations to the contrary.

"Gradually, power replaced love as motivation. Bitterness and resentment set in. It's been getting steadily worse and the methods men have allowed and women have screeched for to "fix" it is a monumentally dismal failure for all involved."

Again, we are in agreement. This is exactly what I have been saying for years, with a suspiciously hostile reception the normal response to Me for believing thusly. I hope the response to you is more accepting than what I have experienced.

" "Unfortunately, it has not been My experience that women are willing to relinquish such a power; the lure of it is too strong. Referring back to My previous post where I remenisced upon My experiences in a "FAMILY COURT", I rarely, rarely saw a woman who expressed any reluctance to do so." Possibly because you won't find the ones strong enough to relenquish such power IN the family courts. There aren't enough out there to make a dent, unfortunately, but I personally know they ARE out there."

I sincerely hope that you are correct in this matter. I have known exactly four women over two decades who were not interested in the power aspect. I hope that the personal knowledge of which you speak bears more fruit than has been My experience thus far.

"I'm still a little confused..."

Well, hopefully by now My reflections on the matter have managed to shed some light upon it. Please, return the favour if possible. I would sincerely like to know what women really want in a man, as all the ones I find interesting are either the type most commonly referred to in this thread, spoken for, or not the ones that are most interested in Me. Indeed, the ones I try to discourage are the ones who chase Me the hardest. I would really like to chat with someone of the mindset that you and GirlNextDoor possess, but finding someone of your sort to chat over coffee seems to be one of the more rare occurances in My life. Comments?

"What is it about what women do/say/act that makes them feminine? The demure part is obvious. Couth should be obvious. Allowing men to be men should be obvious. Being an opposite, should be obvious. What is it, then that's the difference?"

Perhaps the best summation is "attitude". American women always come across as slightly masculine in the way they present themselves. Somehow, they always presented themselves as "Hey, man, I'm Feminine!", and you (as a male) had bloody well better understand that and agree, or there was something wrong with you. Foreign national women ARE feminine, without the undercurrent of being ever-ready to be offended if you do not accept that. There is no underlying readiness of challenge from them, or the constant evaluation of all you say and do to see if it somehow diminishes the "sisterhood" of Feminism, and are attempting to promulgate the Old-Fashioned Outmoded Ancient Patriarchal Oppressive Mindset (you pig!).

If you suggest to an american woman that she might possibly want to perhaps think about how sometime she might occasionally dabble in potentially adding a bit more femininity once in a while to some of her actions, she becomes angry and outraged. She does not have a problem, YOU have a problem, and everyone else seems to think she is just wonderful, you fscking @-hole!

If you tell a foreign national woman that she is acting in an unfeminine or unladylike manner, she becomes hurt and begins examining her actions to see what is wrong. She is genuinely and wholeheartedly concerned with being feminine and appealing to the opposite sex.

Perhaps this observation will assist in your understanding:
Locally (in this *quite* small town), there is a Sweet Young Thing that is totally mind-boggling. For those of you that think such things are important: she is about 5'6", slender without appearing rail-like, has straight shoulder-length brown hair, and despite going to the local college, appears very underdeveloped (sorry ladies, it bears mentioning in this case). She does not, even by stretching the term, have a 'womanly figure', her upper torso... ummmm... could benefit from a bit of growth (although she is not 'flat-chested')..., her bum is nothing to cheer about, and her legs (from what I can infer from the constant outlines within the trousers -and yes, she always wears trousers) would not win any contests. She is not the least bit pudgy, nor does she have even a small protuberance over her tummy. She is rather average-looking, and if you saw her picture you would not judge her to be someone who could successfully take on a modelling carrer, not that she is UN-attractive; she is simply... not the supermodel type.

But she is sweet, shy, enchantingly feminine in her manners and speech, has a soft and melodious voice and unassuming mannerisms, and is the reason many of the local boys are hanging about the library where she works as a volunteer. Is she 'sexy'? Not in the overt sense. Does she attempt to portray herself in a flirtateous manner, or sexually suggestive one at any time -or unconciously do so? Not in the slightest. In fact, I would venture to say that the concept of 'sexy' is not something she deals with or considers at all. The lucky mate who marries her, however, is going to get a prize beyond all reckoning, as I can readily see her as the type to give herself totally and without any reservations to the raising of a healthy family, and the love of a good man.

(Sorry, first transmission was cut short)

"What is it about what women do/say/act that makes them feminine? The demure part is obvious. Couth should be obvious. Allowing men to be men should be obvious. Being an opposite, should be obvious. What is it, then that's the difference?"

Perhaps the best summation is "attitude". American women always come across as slightly masculine in the way they present themselves. Somehow, they always presented themselves as "Hey, man, I'm Feminine!", and you (as a male) had bloody well better understand that and agree, or there was something wrong with you. Foreign national women ARE feminine, without the undercurrent of being ever-ready to be offended if you do not accept that. There is no underlying readiness of challenge from them, or the constant evaluation of all you say and do to see if it somehow diminishes the "sisterhood" of Feminism, and are attempting to promulgate the Old-Fashioned Outmoded Ancient Patriarchal Oppressive Mindset (you pig!).

If you suggest to an american woman that she might possibly want to perhaps think about how sometime she might occasionally dabble in potentially adding a bit more femininity once in a while to some of her actions, she becomes angry and outraged. She does not have a problem, YOU have a problem, and everyone else seems to think she is just wonderful, you fscking @-hole!

If you tell a foreign national woman that she is acting in an unfeminine or unladylike manner, she becomes hurt and begins examining her actions to see what is wrong. She is genuinely and wholeheartedly concerned with being feminine and appealing to the opposite sex.

Perhaps this observation will assist in your understanding:
Locally (in this *quite* small town), there is a Sweet Young Thing that is totally mind-boggling. For those of you that think such things are important: she is about 5'6", slender without appearing rail-like, has straight shoulder-length brown hair, and despite going to the local college, appears very underdeveloped (sorry ladies, it bears mentioning in this case). She does not, even by stretching the term, have a 'womanly figure', her upper torso... ummmm... could benefit from a bit of growth (although she is not 'flat-chested')..., her bum is nothing to cheer about, and her legs (from what I can infer from the constant outlines within the trousers -and yes, she always wears trousers) would not win any contests. She is not the least bit pudgy, nor does she have even a small protuberance over her tummy. She is rather average-looking, and if you saw her picture you would not judge her to be someone who could successfully take on a modelling carrer, not that she is UN-attractive; she is simply... not the supermodel type.

But she is sweet, shy, enchantingly feminine in her manners and speech, has a soft and melodious voice and unassuming mannerisms, and is the reason many of the local boys are hanging about the library where she works as a volunteer. Is she 'sexy'? Not in the overt sense. Does she attempt to portray herself in a flirtateous manner, or sexually suggestive one at any time -or unconciously do so? Not in the slightest. In fact, I would venture to say that the concept of 'sexy' is not something she deals with or considers at all. The lucky mate who marries her, however, is going to get a prize beyond all reckoning, as I can readily see her as the type to give herself totally and without any reservations to the raising of a healthy family, and the love of a good man.

Without exception, I have watched the exact same reaction occur with every male from every age range upon meeting her. They begin in a normal enough manner, then begin smiling a bit and teasing her in a playful manner, making small jests and relating jokes and then teasing her a bit more, and eventually end up enquiring if there is anything they can do for her, anytime. Their motions become more pronounced and graceful, their breathing becomes more rapid (and in the case of My personal experience, My heart rate increased tremendously!), their faces become rather flushed, and they all considered her to be a sweet younger sister, or daughter. To this day, I can not name you one male in this town that would not go out of his way to do something for her -and she is totally unaware of the effect she has upon men (thank God).

She and I were joking back and forth one day on the bus back home. She rides the bus to and from college, and I occasionally ride the same bus to and from various job-sites. I was teasing her about how her snoring was echoing so vibratingly through the bus on so many occasions -this being one of them-, and she was laughingly denying anything of the sort. She said, "I don't snore!". "Oh, please, I said, "you sound like a lumber truck on a downhill grade using its engine to slow down for a turn! With an occasional *fffssshhh* down below from the venting of the air-brakes as well!!!"

This had her laughing so hard she could not speak for a bit. "Oh, yes," she finally managed, "and you're so QUIET and NICE yourself!", laughing again. "Not like you, you bloody pain," I smilingly teased back. She turned serious for a moment, "Do you really believe that I'm difficult and an actual pain?", she asked. I waited a moment before answering, "No, not in the slightest, really. I believe you're a Heartbreaker, but not a pain."
Well, this started her on gales more laughter, and I am still not sure if she believed Me or not, but I was being totally sincere on the matter. Perhaps it is better that she never does realize the effect she has upon males. I would not wish for her to shift to the mindset of "I'm God's gift to men" that so many women in this day and age seem to assume -even if it is in their own minds only.

Regarding your post #666...

HELL of a post!

"I could warn you, but you wouldn't listen."

Yeh, that's the part that gets Me too. I have never come across as challenging, or gone over to where she lives and made an unpleasant scene, but the new victims just will not see this and do not listen.

My thanks. I take it it really resonates for you -in more than one area, possibly.

Well, hopefully by now My reflections on the matter have managed to shed some light upon it.

Well, yes. Thank you. Now to figure out how to achieve it....

Please, return the favour if possible. I would sincerely like to know what women really want in a man, as all the ones I find interesting are either the type most commonly referred to in this thread, spoken for, or not the ones that are most interested in Me.

Of course. Most women - I can't answer for them, because largely I don't understand their taste. But personally, first off I look for someone who respects himself enough to maintain a healthy physique and present a groomed, clean appearance (this is not as common as you might think). Body-building isn't necessary, but at least be able to walk a few miles. And clothes, please, be at least clean. That says a lot about a person. Guys who present the "I'm too cool for words" aura don't do it for me. Quiet confidence is far more attractive (that includes straight posture). And it would be a good idea to know how to change a tire. I don't particularly care what beer or wine a man drinks just so long as he doesn't disparage me for my martinis.

Mind wise, I look for intelligence and humor (One can't have really good humor without intelligence). A fair amount of rounded education - meaning both the sciences and the arts/humanities - and a desire to constantly be inproving the mind. I also look for open-mindedness. Nothing drives me more nuts than close-minded people. There's more to life than sports just as there's more to life than the arts. I might be a classical musician, accustomed to dressing in concert black and pearls, but I like a good Talladega-type wreck, penalty shots and plays at the plate, too.

As a fairly religious person (and very serious about my faith)...I hesitate to say much on this score other than there is nothing wrong with being religious. I've seen some very manly men standing in line in church for various sacraments. And that is quite appealing, that they would take this so seriously. Especially in the climate in the church right now.

The only other thing...lose the hair gel.

If you suggest to an american woman that she might possibly want to perhaps think about how sometime she might occasionally dabble in potentially adding a bit more femininity once in a while to some of her actions, she becomes angry and outraged. She does not have a problem, YOU have a problem, and everyone else seems to think she is just wonderful, you [not from one of my posts]!

This does sound familiar.

I will agree that the feminists have done us no favors. As for this young lady you describe...she sounds lovely. A heartbreaker - it's not the easiest thing to know you've broken someone's heart. Trust me, it's usually not intentional. And somewhat of a shock when you realize you've done it.

The odds are almost exclusively arranged to destroy a man's life at any time and no reason at all, other than that the woman decides that the necessary expenditure of time and energy for the continuation of the relationship is something she no longer feels a need for and is 'holding her back'. Are they alone responsible for the discontinuation and diminishment of marriages thereby? In a word: yes. What they are not solely responsible for is the prevalence of societal acceptance of their actions and the availability of governmental forces to enforce and encourage the same.

Very well said.

Hmmm. I appear to be doing rather well than. We are agreed on most of our criteria -except the sports. Sorry, but nothing drived Me bonkers faster than the neighbor shrieking himself hoarse next door over some bloody game on the telly. Nothing personal, but I cannot envision ever going to any sports event

That being said; I do occasionally watch some of the Martial Arts tournaments, but that is because I was into the Arts Myself for many years and did well in competition. I do not go to the meets anymore, but that is because I am no longer enrolled in a school, but every once in a while, the sparring televised does produce a very talented individual or unique methodology.

This is always an eye-opener for the women I date. They tell Me it is very unusual to find a man who has an interest in the Martial Arts and bodybuilding... and plays a Classical Spanish guitar and sings a tolerable Marty Robbins 'The Town of El Paso'.

This article was a joke.

Based on focus groups (read "bs sessions") with unmarried males with children (!) in northern NJ, DC, Chicago and Houston.

Heck, that's a representative snapshot of the nation.

Why not choose a more representative sample, say cocaine users in Berkeley, California?

Garbage in, garbage out.

Nothing personal, but I cannot envision ever going to any sports event

Well, you have to understand...where I come from, baseball is a second religion. It's not exactly a sport - it's a game. It just happens that athletes play it. A triple play is a beautiful thing.

I honestly don't know the martial arts, to tell you the truth. I couldn't tell you the difference between kick-boxing, karate, etc. But it's also not in my background. We always swam. My brothers played water polo (talk about a violent sport).

Classical guitar? Well, it's better than a strum, that's for sure. Do you keep your pinky nail long?

"Classical guitar? Well, it's better than a strum, that's for sure. Do you keep your pinky nail long?"

No, I need all four fingers and the thumb (yes I use them all for some pieces) trimmed the same length -and neatly, as a nail catching on a string at the wrong moment simply throws the entire rhythem (sp?) of the piece.

'American Pie' is a favourite as well.

Anyways, I am interested in reading more on this thread, but duty calls and I must run.

I will probebly not be able to access a computer again until tomorrow at the earliest... perhaps. But I will look for your comments, and the others as well, so please comment freely on what I have said. I have a great interest in this.

Anyways: Take care and God Bless.

I need all four fingers and the thumb (yes I use them all for some pieces) trimmed the same length -and neatly, as a nail catching on a string at the wrong moment simply throws the entire rhythem (sp?) of the piece.

'American Pie' is a favourite as well.

You mean the movie or as in all-American apple pie?

Oh, and to clarify a thought re "I'm too cool for words," if a guy really is cool, that's fine, but if he tries too hard, it shows. And it's a sign of a lack of confidence.

Hi, sir. Survived the frazzle, did ya? :-)
Thank you for all the posts. They must have taken some time!

But what's this?
perhaps I shall refrain from the immediate response that comes to mind; spare your young (inexperienced in that sort of thing) ears, as it were, 'ay? *Laughing*
You do not yet have the experiences in your past necessary ...

*L*
I know I referenced the year I was born somewhere up in an earlier post, but it was '71 not '91! ;-D

It seems to me that a bell would indeed solve our problem, but what I'd like to know is: which of you lot is going to actually going to put the bell on the cat?"

So *that's* "Bell the cat"! Cute story.*S*

To successfully resolve a problem requires a specific suggestion, but a suggestion is only as effective as its feasability.

I just finished dancing this out w/ another poster, both of us missing eachother's point only to find in the end we basically agreed. As do you and I !

First and foremost, I resolve the problem in my own interactions and relationships through the choices I make. My choice to say no to the spins and the lies, the gender bitterness and the "goodies" offered by a bunch of clueless legislatures pandering to clueless organizations. Deciding THEY would allow me to take things not rightly mine in return for joining in their games and thus becoming dependant on their existence.
It amazes me that more people don't see through this for the phony seduction it is!

OK. So I won't make any earth-shattering impact this way, but to start the solution anyplace other than right here w/ me is, imo, a fool's errand.

And, as I believe we agree, this movement didn't get this far w/o some male enabling and support. It won't go away w/o same. I already know of several guys on my side and it IS encouraging. Possibly the trend will grow as people get sick of the disaster this has caused in their personal lives and to society as a whole and start questiong what they're being fed.
Hope springs eternal, after all...

I would point out that the availability of an option does not necessitate its utilization. The possession of a firearm does not mandate a resulting homicidal action.

Agreed! Hence my personal choices. :)

Look , I have to run for now, but there was something else you brought up I'll try to comment on later...

Btw, your writing has a very C.S. Lewis -ish style to it. Very nice! :)

"You mean the movie or as in all-American apple pie?"

Actually, I was referencing the song 'American Pie'. The recognizable lyrics are:

"Bye, bye, miss American Pie,
rode my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry.
and good old boys were drinking whisky and rye,
singing this'll be the day that I die..
this'll be the day that I die.