The Wise Spouse

Dear Mrs. Web Personal Advice Column ^ | Tuesday, July 30, 2002 | Dear Mrs. Web

[mlmr]

Do you have any additional characteristics of a Wise Spouse?

[camle]

you've described my lady to a T. Geez am I one lucky guy:-)

[mlmr]

You are one lucky guy!! Any lucky wives out there?

[Republican Babe]

Amen ! For 47 years I have had this wise spouse when many times I wasn't as wise....I finally learned the secret. Also: love God and keep His commandments !

[camle]

Thank you both for your kind comments. without my lady I don't know where I'd be right now. my endeavours are now to be worthy of such a wondrous person.

I need to become the perfect spouse - working onit!

[2Trievers]

A wise spouse leaves the SEAT DOWN! &;-)

[mlmr]

Also: love God and keep His commandments

that is a great comment.

[mlmr]

Funny! Duct tape in action. There must be more stories about a wise spouse and duct tape...

[joesnuffy]

This comment looks more reserved for a "wise ass" rather than a wise spouse....:)

[2Trievers]

LOL ... There are many uses for DUCT tape in a good relationship ... several jpegs of which I am NOT allowed to post/link here! &;-)

[2Trievers]

You BET there are! &;-)

[hobbes1]

Duct tape Eh.... That explains the midnight runs to Home Depot....

[SauronOfMordor]

A wise spouse leaves the SEAT DOWN!

A more intelligent spouse prefers to occassionally have to put the seat down, than to clean up what happens when aim is poor 8-)

[HairOfTheDog]

Good morning 2T! -

This one sounds nice, but I bet it is irritating! The wise spouse gauges the beloved’s needs, fulfilling desires before he/she is even aware of them.

I am on the road today ;*( - gotta run soon! Talk amongst yourselves!

[Desdemona]

A wise spouse does not tell the other half what he/she REALLY looks like in a bathing suit.

"A wise spouse does not fill his/her mind with pornography or romance novels."

Sorry, I give up Jane Austen for no man.

[2Trievers]

Isn't that where we first met? &;-)

[Steve0113]

Wisely, he said nothing.

[Movemout]

The Male Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are their rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1.Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with
her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look
good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a
fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-
reading ability is not proof of how little we > care about you.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or
monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
camping.