Posted on 07/15/2002 5:17:48 PM PDT by RussellStevens
found this:
Ode to Spam
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh Spam(tm)! Oh Spam(tm)! Gourmet delight!
My food by day, my dreams by night.
To carve, to slice, to dice you up -
pureed in a blender and sipped from a cup.
What shining deity from Olympus knelt
down to the earth and hog butt smelt?
Creating then man's eternal desire
for swine entrails congealed by fire.
On some corporate farm, a pig has died.
Eyes, tongue, and snout end up inside
that cube of Spam(tm) hidden in the can
I now hold in my trembling hand.
More than mere food, Spam(tm) is for me
a hedonistic expression of gluttonous glee.
Mottled with pork fat, the pink cube engrosses.
My mouth takes it in, my intestine disposes.
Long have my arteries clogged to the sound
of sizzling Spam(tm) when there's no one around -
furtively chewing or swallowing whole.
Triple bypass by forty, my medical goal.
Other processed meat products I've tried or declined
Vienna Sausages, Treet, even pig's feet in brine.
Though each may be tasty in different ways,
none matches Spam(tm) for gelatinous glaze.
That glistening pinkness beckons me
with gristle, fat, and BHT.
Oh Spam(tm), my Spam(tm) - the taste, the smell!
The sacred meat product, from Hormel.
My Mom won't get on an airplane without a tupperbowl full of Spam and some duct tape. She says Spam is a pork product that Muslims definitely don't want around them. The duct tape is in case someone needs to be restrained."
That is the funniest thing I've read in ages...you've made me scare the cat. Thumb's Up!
Just why are you advising this young man to send his sweet grandmother to a site such as this? ;-)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.