WHY DIVORCE IS SO PREVALENT: The #1 Answer To Society's #1 Problem

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[Woahhs]

she doesn't have as much free time to "pay attention" to that "fragile" male ego nor does she often-times have the energy to desire sex (although she would probably still like to cuddle and snuggle). The men, in the mean time, see the expanding waist-line and lack of attention to them as total disinterest and begin to (maybe) unconsciencely seek the attention of another woman. If/when they DO receive this "outside" attention, they carry things too far (an affair, etc.) and then when the wifey finds out and files for divorce, SHE gets blames for "initiating" said proceedings.

Sounds like you have it all worked out...I notice women do that alot...Perfectly good reasons to ignore what he wants, but still expecting to have her needs served. Did I mention the ubiquitous condesention?

[wwjdn]

Good post. I have five children and I can tell you that by my experiences children need mothers and fathers equally to be balanced. If they can't have both, then my suggestion should be mothers from birth to age 10, and fathers from age 10-21.

Mothers are excellent nurturers and fathers are great at preparing the child for independance. This is not to say that either is more important, that is what the judges and lawyers have been doing to American families for 30 years now. Currently the father has the right to shut up pay money (far more than he should have to pay) and see his child once a year.

Our system is so corrupt that since my divorce, if my ex-wife gets a big raise, my child-support would go up. How can that be considered fair by anyones imagination?

The ultimate is a good, healthy, moral man and woman marriage where the children learn by example (seeing a good moral relationship work the way it was designed by God).

[KentuckyWoman]

Sounds like you have it all worked out...I notice women do that alot.

Honestly, I resent the implication here. I wasn't attempting to make a blanket declaration. I was responding to a post that decried the fact the it's mostly the women who initiate divorces that never bothered to take into consideration the fact that there just MAY be some underlying reasons for this. I NEVER implied that (or if I DID, I apologize) one or the other was completely at fault nor that there wasn't room for improvement on both sides.

[Woahhs]

Is it possible that American women are the pampered, demanding, inconsiderate witches as they are so often described? Perhaps, but my guess is that there are a lot of unrealistic expectations about marriage out there, also.

What would you accept as undeniable proof of the first possibility. When you can realisticly answer that question...I promise I can meet that standard.

[Woahhs]

The problem as I see it KW is that American women will admit in concept they share fault, but when asked for practicle examples of what they did wrong they are silent or come up with a backhanded as opposed to explicit accusation against the man.

[Dr. Good Will Hunting]

Thanks for the notification.

[Woahhs]

Honestly, I resent the implication here. I wasn't attempting to make a blanket declaration.

No you were trying to establish plausible deniability for a hypothetical best case scenario for the woman. I resent your stating the obvious, because if those were the particulars that men complained about....I wouldn't listen to them either.

[independentmind]

You already asked me that question on another thread. I think it's better that I don't answer that. I learned a long time ago not to get in the middle of "he said, she said" arguments. Maybe there is someone else to whom you should ask that question. Just remember to be kind; it can work miracles.

I don't doubt that there are many women who are unappreciative of the efforts of their husbands. But I have to think that men, being the assertive individuals they usually are, can find some way to deal with the situation.

[Woahhs]

I'm talking strictly in principle....nothing personal. No "he said, she said."

[Woahhs]

see post #345

[Age of Reason]

The marriage vows say nothing about society, and there is a reason for this. What happens between a man and his wife is between them only.

Who decides if a couple may marry?

Who issues the couple a marriage license?

Who defines the rules of legal marriage?

Who decides the grounds for divorce?

Marriage would be silly, for example, if one man and one woman were the only humans on earth: They could decide to be married one day and divorced the next, only to remarry the day after that.

They could decide to be "married" when they feel like having sex, and decide to be "divorced" when one or the other has a headache.

With nowhere to go--with no other potential mate to impregnate your wife or steal your man away leaving you to raise the kids alone--marriage is meaningless.

Marriage is the invention of society. Society creates and enforces marriage.

Society also creates and enforces divorce--for divorce, like marriage, is meaningless apart from a couples membership in a larger group.

[independentmind]

I hope you realize that that is an impossible standard. Not very much about male-female relationships is objective.

It seems to me, that outside of infidelity, physical abuse or addiction, most marital problems are caused by differences of opinion about 1)money issues, 2)time spent with each other and/or 3)how household and family responsibilities are to be shared. The most important thing to me, it would seem is to make sure that both spouses come to agreement about those core issues. How that is accomplished is a very much a function of the individual personalities involved.

I must be one of those rare people who know many couples who have been happily married for ten to fifteen years. Not a single one them would tell you that they haven't encountered serious difficulties with their spouses at one time or another.

[Woahhs]

Sorry for all the repeat posting... but the reason I always ask that question is: I don't think you and others have seriously considered it as a possibility. If you don't know what it would take to disprove your opinions and conclusions...you won't know it when it shows up. Hence, you won't change your mind, even though you're wrong.

[independentmind]

Well, I guess I subscribe to the idea that there are at least two sides to every story. If you think that you lack the resources to resolve your problems by yourself, then perhaps you might want to consider talking to a priest, minister or other counseler.

[Woahhs]

You don't seem to understand....I did solve my problem. But only by demanding my wife give me the same level of respect she expected me to give her, and demonstrating conclusively that she wasn't. BTW...I fall into the 15 year catagory, and yes, she is my first wife.

[Dr. Good Will Hunting]

Couples in a marriage usually set up arrangements in regards to caring for their children which reflect each parent's abilities, comfort levels, and availability.

These arrangements, based upon the factors above, tend to be realistic for the couple at hand. Whether their children are sons or daughters, babies or teenagers, the division-of-labor with regards to the caregiving of the children should be as nearly the same in divorce as it was in the marriage.

This is the only way to prize the stability interests of the children over the interests of either parent.

There are fathers who raise babies perfectly, attuned to every cue...a Y chromosome affects style, but doesn't diminish quality or importance. Trust me on this one.

A father should have no less time with his children in divorce than he did within the marriage. Ditto for mothers.

As to money, that is a secondary issue which should in no way subordinate the prescription regarding custody arrangements noted above.

Yet, it is an issue, so I'd say simply proportional division, based upon the real needs of the child. If Parent A earns $80,000 a year and Parent B earns $20,000 a year, the payment of "child support" should be divided 80% to 20% and put into a checking account that doesn't allow cash or debit/credit card withdrawals. Both Parent A and Parent B should have full access to the account records, and photocopies of checks written on the account should be mailed to both parents each month automatically, with the subject lines of each check noting the nature of the expense that the check is written for.

[Woahhs]

I may consider your Asian woman suggestion if the one I have now beats me to the grave though.

[Dr. Good Will Hunting]

Not every situation will fit the generalization...

Well said. Please see #356, this thread!

[Dr. Good Will Hunting]

Do I have to "cc" posts to myself in order to have a copy of them?

[Dr. Good Will Hunting]

Not every situation will fit the generalization...

Well said. Please see #356, this thread!