Best of Best for 2009 (thus far)

Unknown ^ | Unknown | Unknown

[Salem]

"For our terrorist friends:"

[don-o]

I fixed it. Read my 152 and laugh. Dammit.

[ColdOne]

perfectly drawn draft.Ha Ha!

[Delacon]

Interesting that you should say that because I am an historian and I just recalled this texts recovered from a cave in Israel...

Centurion walks into a tavern. There’s an innkeeper.

The innkeeper says, “What will you have?” The Centurion says, “Wine.” The innkeeper brings back the best wine ever and says to the Centurion, “Are you smart?” The Centurion says, “Very”. The innkeeper then proceeds to talk about creating aquaducts, architecture, and civil government.

The Centurion leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the tavern. The innkeeper says,” What will you have?” The Centurion says, “Wine”. Again, the innkeeper makes a great goblet of wine, gives it to the Centurion and says, “Are you smart?” The guy says, “Average.” The innkeeper starts to talk about horses, women and drinking.

The Centurion leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the Tavern. The innkeeper says, “What will you have?” The Centurion says, “Wine”, and the innkeeper brings him another great wine. The innkeeper then says, “Are you smart?” The Centurion says, “Uh, No.” The innkeeper leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you didn’t back the Christians during this rebellion?” Said the innkeeper, “Cause I am still catching hell for making his family sleep in a freaking barn”.

[Clinging Bitterly]

The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168”. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and beeber-like devices.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,” What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then says “Ping me if anything happens - I’ll be in the shower”.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “A moose bit my sister once!”

[Clinging Bitterly]

You may be Taliban if:

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

[Petronski]

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168”. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,” What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?”

[PreciousLiberty]

...

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “Sorry, alcohol is intended to lower your IQ into that range, you don’t need it as much as I do”, grabs his drink and drains it :-)

[PreciousLiberty]

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender.

The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168”. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,” What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?”

(I love the classics!)

[publana]

Uygay oesgay intoway away arbay, ere’sthay away obotray
artenderbay.

Ethay obotray ayssay, “Atwhay illway ouyay avehay?” Ethay uygay
ayssay, “Artinimay.” Ethay obotray ingsbray ackbay ethay estbay
artinimay everway andway ayssay otay ethay anmay, “At’swhay
ouryay IQWAY?” Ethay uygay ayssay, “168”. Ethay obotray enthay
oceedspray otay alktay aboutway ysicsphay, acespay
explorationway andway edicalmay echnologytay.

Ethay uygay eaveslay, utbay ehay isway uriouscay, osay ehay
oesgay ackbay intoway ethay arbay. Ethay obotray artenderbay
ayssay,” Atwhay illway ouyay avehay?” Ethay uygay ayssay, “
Artinimay”. Againway, ethay obotray akesmay away eatgray
artinimay, ivesgay itway otay ethay anmay andway ayssay, “
At’swhay ouryay IQWAY?” Ethay uygay ayssay, “100.” Ethay obotray
enthay artsstay otay alktay aboutway ASCARNAY, Udweiserbay
andway Ohnjay Eereday actorstray.

Ethay uygay eaveslay, utbay indsfay itway eryvay interestingway
, osay ehay inksthay ehay illway ytray itway oneway oremay
imetay. Ehay oesgay ackbay intoway ethay arbay. Ethay obotray
ayssay, “Atwhay illway ouyay avehay?” Ethay uygay ayssay, “
Artinimay”, andway ethay obotray ingsbray imhay anotherway
eatgray artinimay. Ethay obotray enthay ayssay, “At’swhay ouryay
IQWAY?” Ethay uygay ayssay, “Uhway, aboutway 50.” Ethay obotray
eanslay inway ealray oseclay andway ayssay, “Osay, ouyay
eoplepay illstay appyhay ouyay otedvay orfay Obamaway?”

[T Minus Four]

Out of 170+ smart-a**, mocking responses, you single out mine? I feel special :-)

[Clinging Bitterly]

[boocoowell]

Much funnier in semaphore.

[Rocky]

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender.
The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168”. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,” What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?”

Slow news night.

[Delacon]

A for effort with the pig latin. C for creativity. I mean come one, anyone can convert a joke into pig latin. If you had slipped in something about pigs or latin...maybe.

[Lazamataz]

^{Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168”. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,” What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?”}

[MaryFromMichigan]

^{LOL! VERY GOOD, GUYS! Allow me a last small variation on your posts. Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168”. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,” What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?” MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!}

[Georgia1]

I apologize but I wasn’t sure if you were serious or not as I’m new here.

Have some Great Holidays !

[T Minus Four]

You’re a good sport and now have been initiated :-)

Have a very Merry Christmas!

[mojitojoe]

Barney Frank:

Guy goes into a baw, thewe’s a wobot bawtendew. De wobot says, “What wiww you have?” De guy says, “Mawtini.” De wobot bwings back the best mawtini evew and says to the man, “What’s youw IQ?” De guy says, “168”. De wobot then pwoceeds to tawk about physics, space expwowation and medicaw technowogy. De guy weaves, but he is cuwious, so he goes back into the baw. De wobot bawtendew says,” What wiww you have?” De guy says, “Mawtini”. Again, the wobot makes a gweat mawtini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s youw IQ?” De guy says, “100.” De wobot then stawts to tawk about NASCAW, Budweisew and John Deewe twactows. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! De guy weaves, but finds it vewy intewesting, so he thinks he wiww twy it one mowe time. He goes back into the baw. De wobot says, “What wiww you have?” De guy says, “Mawtini”, and the wobot bwings him anothew gweat mawtini. De wobot then says, “What’s youw IQ?” De guy says, “Uh, about 50.” De wobot weans in weaw cwose and says, “So, you peopwe stiww happy you voted fow Obama?”