Posted on 06/11/2004 12:28:42 PM PDT by Willie Green
No we abort ours.
In search of something constructive to add to this discussion, I googled on adoption statistics to try to find the number of domestic vs. foreign adoptions. The first several sites (including the official HHS site) said there were no comprehensive stats on domestic adoptions. (Many are private.) The numbers are solid on international adoptions because of the State Department and INS involvement; currently the number is somewhere north of 20,000 a year, about a quarter from China -- still a drop in the bucket in a country of 290 million, but the numbers are growing. I didn't knock myself out looking, so better numbers may be available. If anyone here is in possession of a reasonably solid estimate on the domestic total, please post it.
Anyhow, whatever the exact number, domestic adoptions considerably exceed foreign, and I would guess that most folks who end up going abroad first tried domestically. We certainly did. We were told age was an issue, that we faced a years-long wait with no assurances at the end, and that we would end up with an older child (five-six years old or more). In the U.S. context, that in turn would mean a high probability of a kid who had bounced around the foster care system and/or had other issues. We inquired about adopting a non-white child and were strongly warned off the idea by the agency people for the reasons others have discussed.
The bottom line is that there is a serious shortage of adoptable non-special needs kids in the U.S. This is largely due to abortion. We also have a foster care system that is ostensibly devoted to the ideal of eventual family reunification, in the name of which many kids who might better be adopted are kept in limbo for years. The fact is, an army of social workers and career foster parents have a vested interest in perpetual foster care as opposed to adoption. The cultural acceptance of single motherhood (and the benefit structure that goes with it) is also a factor; many more single moms keep their kids than used to be the case. Finally, we have a thriving private adoption market in the U.S. which siphons off many of the "normal" kids (I'm not trying to be cute: "normal"=non-druggie birth mother, no fetal alcohol syndrome, no history of abuse, no major special needs issue). Anything is possible if you have enough money. But if you are Joe Average Citizen going through the front door of an agency, there are a lot of obstacles in your way and it slowly begins to dawn on you that most of the rest of the world is saner about this than we are.
For us, age was the clincher. We were pondering the above issues, but I was over 40 and Mrs. Sphinx was pushing it. We were not prepared to wait 5-7 years with a question mark at the end. One other reason, incidentally, that foreign adoptions are growing is that most folks in this country are still trying for their own kid into their late 30's and even beyond. By the time you figure out it ain't gonna happen, the age limits may already have kicked in and you end up going to China.
As we all know, the Chinese are smarter than we are to begin with. One evidence of this is that they like older parents. When we started, China would not allow an international adoption to any parents younger than 35, which is the maximum cutoff for many countries. While that rule has been relaxed, the Chinese standard is still that the cumulative age of adoptive parents should not exceed 100. That helps make China (and a few other countries) a magnet for older couples. Imagine -- respecting maturity.
It seems to me that whatever laws are created to protect children who are up for adoption, these same laws should apply to the adoption of children from foreign countries.
Several reasons:
1. State sponsored adoptions, at least in my state, require you you be a foster parent first. We started down that road, went to one session and left after 30 minutes. (I could foresee that at some point, they were going to be inspecting my underwear drawer.)
2. Private adoption is very expensive.
3. So called, open adoptions; in which the birth mother makes a deal that she gets to maintain contact with the child; even to the point of regular citation.
At least that is how it was with us about eight years ago. We found dealing with the Russians a lot more to our taste than the domestic option.
Visitation.
Sheesh.
Can't even work the spell check.
What laws are you referring to?
I am all for reasonable checks and balances. For an international adoption, one has to have a homestudy that passes muster with the INS, the State Department, and the adoption agency in the child's country of origin. No system is perfect but I am unaware of any major problems with this process.
Looking broadly at the child welfare business, there are chronic scandals involving state and local child protective services. Most of these involve kids at home with their birth parents (or, more usually, a single mom) in circumstances that have led to the family being under supervision. The foster care system also produces a steady flow of sensational stories of abuse. Adoption would seem to be the healthiest part of the system.
This should not be surprising. Adoptive parents have to go to considerable trouble and expense. They are highly motivated. They undergo fairly detailed evaluation. Some will mess up, but as a group, they are the most scrutinized parents/caregivers in the game.
Put yourself in the position of someone working for the airline.
If you respond to me like that, I'd likely make you late for your flight.
This was one of the FIRST things our adoption agency told us - never travel without your BC's while your kids are less than 8.
No "sources", just my own experiences living in Asia
and what I've seen. Although this was back in the
mid - to early '90's.
My first thought, how do you know?
My second, Michael Jackson used wine.
So if our birth child doesn't look like quite the same race (mini is 1/2 Filipina)...am I supposed to take her birth certificate everywhere as well? I think not. Suppose both parents are white, and the father is traveling alone...can he prove he has legal custody & isn't stealing them from his ex?
If the airline is worried, they can ask for references...and check them out during the flight. The passengers aren't going to leave before the plane lands...
The primary reason the agency advised us to do this is that airlines generally are taking you across state lines.
If the airline suspects something and doesn't ask, and it turns out that it WAS a kidnapping, the airlines can be sued civilly, and charged criminally for facilitating a felony by transporting a suspected kidnapper across state lines. Making you produce BC's is an easy way for the airline to clear itself.
It isn't just interracial children that they can do this with. If the behavior of the parent or child is erratic, and either the crew or staff suspects something is up, they can refuse to transport you until they confirm the status of the children. Bus companies train their drivers to look for such behavior and call it into dispatch. They then have the discretion of calling local law enforcement, who then may stop and board the bus.
The reason why they don't let you board the plane in the first place is because nobody wants to foot the cost of sending the felon back to the state of proper jurisdiction. Company policy also calls for not 'sending your problems' to another unsuspecting part of your system. Better to hold you up and make you take the next flight, than fly you back up to be met at the gate by marshalls at company expense.
Yes, a kidnapped two-year old Chinese child could be crying "Mommy" and trying to escape from the White woman's arms IF HE WAS BORN IN THE U.S.
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