In an effort to rehabilitate her public image, Martha Stewart today appeared with her new spokesman, Baghdad Bob, who will now handle all her public relations.
Posted on 03/05/2004 1:37:06 PM PST by Bonaparte
...and she may end being Leona's room mate. :-)
Oh, man. I just can't say it.
In an effort to rehabilitate her public image, Martha Stewart today appeared with her new spokesman, Baghdad Bob, who will now handle all her public relations.
One down. One to go.
The beds are cement slabs or metal racks with thin mattresses. Inmates must pay for their own shampoo, toothpaste, soap etc, sleep four to a cubicle in open dorms that hold up to 40.
[What can I bring from home? (ie. clothes, makeup, books, shoes, money)] - Very little. You will not be able to keep your clothes, makeup, shoes, etc.. You can bring in a pair of perscription eyeglasses, a plain wedding band, a religious medallion/chain (ie. cross and chain), one religious book (soft cover), as much money as you want ( I would recommend a couple $100 or so), and current legal papers. Other than that not much else.
[How is your job selected there? and do you have to work?] Yes, you have to work. Most camps are a work camp, meaing that they provide a work cadre for a military base, or for a higher security institution. Your job will be selected for you (normally) and then once you have been there a few months you might be able to request a specific job.
[What do they issue to you and what do you have to purchase at the commissary?] Basic issue (it may vary) is: 3 pair of pants, 3 shirts, t-shirts, towels, washcloth, 2 sheets, blanket, pillow, pillow case, socks, underclothing, shoes/boots. Anything else, you will have to purchase through the commisary. (ie. tennis shoes, shower shoes, shorts, sweat pants/shirts, hygiene items, food/snacks, etc.) All of your personal clothes will be sent back home.
Until your TB test comes back from the lab your job will be compound, raking, sweeping, and picking up trash. Then you'll go to the kitchen. You'll get paid a whopping .40 cents an hour.
When you first get there the staff treats you like you aren't human, you are an inmate with a number now and they will remind you of that day in and day out.
A body-cavity search is required after every prison visit, even if the prisoner only met with his/her family. One of the most jarring parts of imprisonment was taking orders from young prison guards who relished the chance to turn the tables. Non-violent white-collar offenders are susceptible to extortion by inmates who both resent and want to befriend them for their money. They don't know the unofficial rules, for instance, changing the TV channel can start a fight.
When you first get there they will take you into R&D (Receiving & Discharge). They will strip search you. Next you meet with a medical nurse will take your blood and give you a physical. Ask if you have any STD's AIDS, HEP-C Etc. Etc.. You also get a "shot" for TB. They will put you in front of the camera and take your picture for your Inmate ID card. They will check every piece of your mail going out or coming in. Next you will dress out in some temporary Kaki clothes, get a bed roll and other odds and ends such as soap, toothbrush, etc. (You cannot wear your own clothes and you pay for your sundries. They will tell you your housing assignment and you will head out. Low security prisons are dorm room style living areas. Everything will have your name and number on it. Get used to it.. You will be calling it out quite often. Also, forget your first name.. Everyone will know you by your last name. The noise will be bad. You will need to use earplugs. If the commissary sells radios, buy one and use it to block the noise. BOP's do a headcount many times during the day and night.
When you go, take a list of family with addresses, phone numbers, social security numbers and also same information for friends to put on your potential visitor's list. These will be given to your case manager AS SOON AS YOU CAN so they can "investigate" them and enter them into the system hopefully as quickly as possible so you can get them on your approved visitor list. If you can self-surrender, wear gray sweats, white underwear, white socks and white tennis shoes. If you are married, I think you can keep your wedding ring. I also think you can keep your watch (if it's not too fancy) but these things all depend on individual facilitie's policy. I say wear the sweats and things because these are "standard" things sold on commissary and if you can keep them, it will keep you from purchasing them and you'll have things to wear other than "standard issue" prison garb right away. Your family can mail in paperback books (limited to 4 or 5 per box) but no postage stamps or much of anything else. They can mail postal money orders with your federal id number on it which will be credited to your "account". This money can be used to purchase things you need at the commissary.
Stand in line 1 hour for a ten minute call. Media wise, there is usually a main TV in the common room. In many minimum custody prisons, it is a community living area, kinda like a boy scout camp with a lot of lockers and bunk beds. A prison camp is not behind walls and razor wire, but it is still prison. People say it is like a vacation. It's not. The noise in the dorms is constant. After awhile you'll come across some foam ear plugs.
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Facing Time In Prison? Consider These Options |
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 By Suein L. Hwang |
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Memo to: Scott Sullivan
From: Your Cubicle Counselor
Dear Scott,
Now that you've been paraded in handcuffs and charged with securities fraud and other misadventures from when you were chief financial officer of WorldCom, we need to talk. As a columnist who covers people's cages and cagey people, I did some research on your behalf to ensure any time you might have to spend in the federal pen won't be so bad.
And let me say, just because you kept WorldCom's books doesn't mean you helped invent the $7-plus billion of phony profits the company reported for 2001 and 2002. You may well be innocent.
But let's face facts. You're the government's highest-profile alleged corporate perp so far. Chicago defense attorney Patrick Cotter says the public standing of tagged executives like yourself lies somewhere between the accused Catholic priests and an al Qaeda terrorist.
And while Attorney General John Ashcroft's grandstanding that you could spend 65 years behind bars is political hokum, you could get stuck with 10 years or more, making you ineligible for one of those minimum-security federal "prison camps," the place to be for white-collar criminals.
So, listen, spend whatever it takes on lawyers to land a sentence under 10 years. You made $45 million selling WorldCom stock. The rainy day is here!
Getting into a first-rate camp is as tricky as getting into the Ivy League. The U.S. Bureau of Prisons uses various criteria to assign inmates: the crime, career background and proximity to family.
In case things don't go your way, I'd suggest retaining one of the burgeoning number of postconviction placement specialists. The right consultant can help -- making fees as high as $50,000 seem almost reasonable.
"I am often able to effectuate a placement in a facility that a lawyer not familiar with the criteria may not be able to accomplish," boasts Alan Ellis, a Sausalito, Calif., sentencing adviser who wrote the Federal Prison Guidebook with co-authors J. Michael Henderson and Samuel A. Shummon.
Assuming you're convicted and we can get you into a camp, what's your fancy? The must-read guidebook, available online for $60, is the Fodor's for the penal set. Among the favorite options described is the Schuylkill federal prison camp in Pennsylvania. It's a clean, 10-year-old complex with music, game room, craft center and lots of outdoor team sports, the guidebook says.
Closer to your backyard is the Pensacola, Fla., prison camp, whose guards are seen as "more professional, more knowledgeable." It has a great exercise room, and boasts bocce ball and pool tables.
The camp in Oxford, Wis., offers lots of vocational training and a well-equipped gym. It has an art program, plus classes in aerobics, nutrition and stress-reduction.
My pick: the minimum-security camp at Lompoc, Calif., former home of Ivan Boesky and the Watergate boys. Set in a towering eucalyptus grove in the hills outside Santa Barbara, Lompoc is just an hour's drive from a five-star beach, and shopping for visiting family and friends. Lompoc enjoys temperate, rain-free weather nearly all year, and vistas of some of the best wine country.
And as with all minimum-security camps, the only fences around are low and unimposing. Lompoc's are hewn from rustic, weathered wood, creating more of a summer-camp feel than a penitentiary. The baseball diamond and volleyball court would make most suburban parks proud. Sadly, the tennis courts were ripped out after Lompoc and other camps got a reputation as too soft.
Most of Lompoc's 300 or so inmates work outdoors, tending lawns or fields at local farms, giving them a healthy sun-kissed look. But there's other work if you can get it. Lompoc alum John Ehrlichman recommended working the night shift at a boiler room, to enjoy free time during the day.
The lodgings are spartan. Long barracks house rows of bunk beds, affording each inmate just a few feet of locker and hanger space. Think youth hostel, backpacking in Europe.
And lest the amenities seem unfavorable, gaze over at the razor-wire fence surrounding the maximum-security prison next door, and remember how lucky you are.
Your space would be hardly any smaller than the cubicles your underlings spent years in. When those people get in trouble, they don't have the same means to bail themselves out.
So, just in case, give the consultant a call. Best of luck.
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