Posted on 01/25/2002 10:51:07 AM PST by miltonim
You have one. Right?
You have one. Right?
GEC ADDED: "Even though no one was home in her uterus, it was still an emotionally difficult loss for my wife, and I wouldn't even say that she is a staunch pro-lifer."
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I understand what you and she are going through. It is hard to imagine the grief unless you've been there...I know I didn't.
May GOD bless you with whatever HIS plans are for your lives. GOD truly DOES work in mysterious ways!
Our first child is now 22 years old and was born with severe mental and physical disabilities. She doesn't walk or talk (although she can gesture some wants), she doesn't feed herself, she wears diapers, she has a very rare form of dwarfism and is only 3 feet tall.
For her first three+ years of life, she had to be trached and on oxygen and a respirator in our house with round the clock nursing. That said, she is very sweet and loving, she has a wonderful personality and everyone who knows her loves her. In spite of her difficulties, she has been a real blessing to us!
Because of her problems, however, and the possiblity of the same thing happening again, it took me many years to convince my husband to even allow us to possibly get pregnant again.
Once I finally did convince him, I was nearly forty and we had four miscarriages in thirteen months! I didn't have a problem getting pregnant, I had a problem staying pregnant.
Just prior to our sixth pregnancy, I found out I had a nutritional problem, even though I had continued taking OBGYN-prescribed, pre-natal vitamins since shortly after getting pregnant with our first child. My sister, who is a Certified Clinical Nutritionist, with a Masters Degree in Nutrition, a Minor in Biochemistry and over 30 years of experience in nutrition, suggested I start taking some custom-made vitamins, which I switched to. Getting the RIGHT nutrition made a BIG difference!
(That's why I was also so interested when she told me about a "Super-Nutrient" she just recently learned about, which no land-based fruit or vegetable contains---see http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1691121/posts?page=105#105 ).
The first miscarriage was the hardest because I was 12 weeks pregnant, going in for my second sonogram, and I was so excited that I was going to get to have another baby. But the baby had apparently died at about 6-7 weeks gestation, shortly after my initial sonogram. I was absolutely emotionally devasted!
Even though I could not "feel" the baby by then, I "felt" pregnant. Knowing that my biological clock was ticking, and realizing that the chances for defects was GROWING with time passing, I felt my opportunity for having any more kids was fading fast, if not gone completely.
With the faith I had with our first child, who the doctors said would not live beyond her first 26 days, and who had almost died about eight times because of complications due to her small chest wall, I believed that GOD wasn't finished with me yet...and I was willing to leave our future parenting plans to HIM.
We decided we wouldn't try to get pregnant, we just wouldn't try not to.
Our next three pregnancies and miscarriages came in fairly rapid succession. One miscarriage took place just two days after I joyfully found out I was pregnant again. And again, I was emotionally devasted, but I realized it was GOD's decision, not mine. Another happened before I realized I had been pregnant and thought I was just getting the flu. I was feeling so sick, I was racing to get back home from an out of town conference and had the miscarriage in the airport restroom while waiting to take a plane to get back home 12 hours early.
I went the next 13 months without a pregnancy at all. Remember the impeachment hearings? Well they lasted about 13 months and I stayed up late watching them in the den. Amazingly, as soon as they were over, I got pregnant again the very next month! ;o)
By that time, I was already 43. Friends were telling me to forget it, just give up on the idea of any more kids. It looked like GOD might be trying to tell us something...like one is enough for us. So we just allowed GOD to decide for us how many we would have. As I said before, although we were not trying to get pregnant, we were not trying not to get pregnant.
I ended up pregnant my sixth and last time, after having had my first five pregnancies end with some type of problem: one with defects and four miscarriages.
Because of the now much higher risk of defects, I had nine sonograms, if I recall correctly. Being very pro-life, it was to be aware of any problems ahead of time to possibly enable en utero surgery, if necessary.
Just shy of my 44th birthday, our second daughter was born 15 days early, via C-section, because she was turned sideways. (BTW, the C-section delivery was MUCH faster, with virtually no pain until recovering after the surgery for the next several weeks. I was even in full makeup during the delivery!)
I ended up breast feeding her for two and a half years, nearly giving it up after just a few days of trying, thinking I wasn't able to produce enough milk, but being encouraged by the hospital nurse to just persevere.
My younger daughter just turned seven years old this month and just started second grade. She is extremely smart and talented, making 97s-100s in both math and reading, at a private, Christian school. She learned to say the Pledge of Allegiance at the age of two and has been reading books like nobody's business for 2-3 years!
She reads a lot of "chapter" books. We just checked out a "chapter" book for her at the library one evening a few weeks ago and she had it read TWICE before we could eat and get her BACK to the library the same night before they closed so we could get a couple more.
My husband and I really didn't start reading until we were in second grade and here she reads circles around us compared to what we could do at her age!
My point is that we don't know what GOD has in store for us. But if we will have faith and let HIM decide our future, HE will.
I now make a point when I pray to do three things:
(1) "Give thanks in all circumstances" (I Thes 5:18), even if what happens isn't what I thought would be best,
(2) Remember that "All things work together for good for those who love the LORD and are called to HIS purpose" (Romans 8:28), knowing that GOD sees the whole picture, and
(3) "Pray expectantly," thanking GOD in advance, as if it has already happened.
May GOD bless you both!
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