Posted on 01/14/2002 7:30:05 PM PST by notyourregularhandle
Bin Laden Captured; Terrorism Wiped Out Forever
George Bush and Tony Blair won the War on Terrorism yesterday, as it became clear that Bin Laden, though not really captured, was "somewhere within a 35,000 mile radius and definitely "in one of only 5 countries" according to the CIA, the NSA, and the KKK."We are now living in the Utopia I alluded to last week," said Mr. Blair, "thanks to the billions of dollars provided by the people of America and Britain."
In this new terrorist-free world, Bush and Blair now have the authority to "bomb the living shit" out of anybody, at any time, as they see fit, thereby ushering in a new era of global peace and prosperity. Mr. Bush plans to celebrate this new utopia by "dropping several megatons of daisy cutter bombs on Iraq" and "not signing a single UN agreement regarding universal human rights, nuclear disarmament, or the limiting of biological weapons production."
The two leaders will meet next week in an effort to rename the two nations that eradicated terrorism from the planet and will follow that meeting with a final vote, to be cast by Bush and Blair. Sources say that Bush will vote to change the United States to "Freedomland" while Blair proposes the United Kingdom be known as "Utopiaville". The two will also move that Afghanistan be called "Hades" until Halliburton, Dick Cheney's former construction company (the one that rebuilt the former Yugoslavia), and UNOCAL, with its oil pipeline, are firmly situated there. At that time, the nation will officially be called "The Noblebraveeagle Union."
Several citizens of what will likely be known as "Freedomland" were seen lining up to receive Freedomland ID cards, phone taps, computer hard drive sniffers, and anal probes, as President Bush's aides packed the white house dumpsters with several tons of shredded paper representing every presidential document since George Bush Sr.'s presidency.
Vladimir Putin attended the White House celebration, and was reported to have said "We have stamped out terrorism forever and now we are in Utopia" at least 84 times in a row while wearing a blue baseball cap with the letters "NYFD" on it, and a red shirt with the letters "CCCP" across the front.
Come on now... CIA has old maps (remember Chinese embassy in Belgrade?).
Quit whining and cough up couple of dollars for new and better equipment.
They form a good match with the South Africans raping baby girls as an aids cure! What a world!
ABC = usefull idiots
That's a good question...I don't have an answer to you...I'm still wondering why the CIA reported that Bomb Laden DIDN'T escape by sea, AND NOW THEY ARE SAYING HE DID...
That is easy, we now know for sure that one of these reports is correct. The question is, which one! LOL!
Don't worry. We are working on it.
Pretty soon we'll be as safe as Isrealis.
More
Ideologists convened at a special session late in 2001 and proclaimed that "dreams, hope, and progress" had indeed crumbled over the course of the last three years. Most of the underlying causes of the collapse were deemed too obvious to be cited, but some candidates included greed, oil, rigged elections, corporate profiteering, secret government, all of which generally ignored by the television media in favor of Elian, Gary Condit, shark attacks, and anthrax scares. In place of the 21st Century Bridge, construction has begun on a tunnel to the 1950s.
Let's assume Osama will be kept alive by his network. What weight does he retain?
For a time he had the ability to cultivate an ethos by which his followers trained professionally and then died in pursuit of paradise.
But ever since Osama was caught giggling on tape about it, his mythology is now forever transparent. Osama's latest bungling operative could not even light a fuse on his shoe!
No, Laden's race is run. Only the navigation the aftermath remains.
When in danger or in doubt
Run in circles, jump and shout!
ROTFL!!!
He may well be in Beijing now for all we know. If he is, the War on Terror is going to come to a screeching halt because of overriding commercial intere$t$.
Aw, common, stand in line. One nightmare at a time, puhleez!
;-)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.