What (men) do women want?

TownHall.com ^ | 8/25/03 | Suzanne Fields

[tealcandtrip]

So long as he's fun, smart, ambitious but not obsessively so, caring, loyal, willing to the chores, willing to get up early to take care of the kids on a Saturday morning so I can sleep in, never makes me wait, and maybe a little tall, dark, and handsome, I am really quite open.


All I want is a Dr. Pepper.

[Monty22]

I'm 5'8", tall enough? :)

[najida]

Sorta like- How do Porucpines mate?

Very carefully.

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

I think a lot of what you said is true (and what your wife said is absolutely spot-on, imo), particularly that most women communicate by sending conflicting signals; understand that they are often trying to get their needs met wihtout asking directly.

This is just an FYI for guys trying to understand how women think:

As a man, you may wonder why they don't want to ask directly (and why you're told, "Noooooo, you don't have to do that...", then when you DON'T do it, she's hurt and/or angry - because you're supposed to know that she really does want it). A woman enjoys the idea that a man is thinking of her needs and anticipating an opportunity to do something for her (though men aren't always built to think that way); if she has to ask for something directly, she has to accept the idea that he really wasn't thinking of her, and he wasn't looking for an opportunity to do something to please her.

He's probably happy to do it once he knows exactly what it is, but it loses something in the mix when she has to ask.

Why do women need to know someone is considering their needs without their having to ask? Because that's the way women think. When a woman is in love, she's always thinking about what you would enjoy having for dinner, what shirt would look good on you, what would make you deliriously happy for your birthday - and women are good at that because it's their natural state.

To complete the circle - do these things too often, and she thinks you're too feminine and won't be attracted to you anymore.

So you're right, tcostell. It's incredibly conflicted.

I think the key is (for anyone trying to balance it) - if you're trying to impress a woman, once in a while, do some small thing for her that she hasn't asked for. Sit down for five minutes and think about what has made her happy in the past...it can be small, doesn't necessarily have to cost any money - it could be the ten seconds it takes to tell her how you feel about her and really mean it. It could be burning a CD of her favorite songs, or offering to take her shopping to buy her a gift you pick out together.

The thing is just to make her feel cared for and taken care of. Women can take care of themselves to a degree, but they will always need men...and the coolest thing a man can do, once in a while, is let her know he does think about what she needs once in a while.

You know those diamond ads, where the guy surprises the women in the alley in the pouring rain with a gigantic ring? Notice that they don't begin with the woman saying, "I want you to give me a big diamond ring in an alley in the pouring rain." (And, for the record, it doesn't have to be a diamond ring...it could be an Uncle Seth's Pink Cookie or simply surprising her by telling her how incredibly in love with her you are...even if you told her last year. : ))

[najida]

That is it!

You are so right...
For women, having to ask for something takes the 'goody' out of it....she might as well buy herself those flowers or that ring or that foot rub.

[Criminal Number 18F]

the coolest thing a man can do, once in a while, is let her know he does think about what she needs once in a while.

What an insightful post... if only I hadn't driven all my women away already, LOL. Well, I can always surprize my mom, she's still hangin' in there.

d.o.l.

Criminal Number 18F

[wardaddy]

and leave understanding women to the experts.

They are not understandable.

[Destructor]

That's easy- RICH men!

[wardaddy]

Yes...conservative women are generally more stable....but not necessarily staid.

[chris1]

I don't think we are talking about appreciation as much as we are talking about who were are attracted to and how those decisions are , when not based on sanity, can lead to bad results. As far as appreciation, most guys I know do try to show their gal a good amount of love and care.

[chris1]

OOOHHHH BBBOOOYYYY. The money issue. Now it should get ugly.

[Chancellor Palpatine]

I understand it perfectly. Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money.

[najida]

OK,
So what if you are female and have more net worth than the men you date?

[Moosefart]

If you want a relationship that will last you have to be willing to put your ego in the back seat. Most people are unwilling to, which is why most marriages fail today. Ive been married for 20 years to the best girl on the planet. We've had our share of fights but the reason we have lasted is that we try to please each other more than ourselves. I get more happiness doing something for my wife than I do myself, she reciprocates. Guess Im just lucky but of the people I know who have had long happy relationships this seems to be the case.

[UCANSEE2]

I can't argue that this is true for women. I am sure it is.

What I see that perhaps you have left out, is that it is just as true for men.

What man wouldn't feel better if his wife surprised him with a uninterrupted night at home without the kids, let's have sex surprise!

How much does the libido go down when the man has to 'ask' if he and the wifey are going to have sex a certain evening?

Do women ever consider the 'do something simply because you love him' option for their men? Or are they just selfishly whining over what the men haven't done for them?

[dogbrain]

All I want is peace.

No matter how you spell it.

[chris1]

It should not really matter in this day and age because many women have well paying jobs and have earned a great deal of worth, which is great!

[chris1]

Good point!

[Scenic Sounds]

Not to offend any Freeper women, but most of you are simply INSANE and have many neurosis that need immediate professional medical attention.

LOL. Not to offend you, but that isn't the best way to sell an idea. ;-)

[PigRigger]

Do you agree with the article that Republican women are different from Democrat? I'm talkin women, not girls.

Couldn't help but butt in, and yes, I agree with that statement.

I always used the rule (when dating): The higher the hair and the longer the finger nails was a sure indication to stay away. These traits seemed to portray a sense of vanity that went hand-in-hand with naivety. When asked, most considered themselves democrat/liberal. Although, I must admit, not many of them seemed to ever give that question much thought before I asked. They seemed to be more concerned with the superficial aspects of life up till than. These women become very boring very quickly.

I've always enjoyed the company of women who showed a sense of confidence in themselves. Normally, they didn't feel the need to "make themselves up" to gain attention. Rather, their natural beauty combined with their intelligence and common sense approach to life was more than enough (sorta like the Ivory girl with brains). I found these types of women to be more conservative; mostly republican but not always.

Generally this is what I've found to be true, but not always.

BTW, married a conservative dem 16 years ago, she's now a republican.