Posted on 01/16/2002 8:35:17 AM PST by Servant of the Nine
Very politely and quite grateful for the offer.
She says my grammar sucks...
But her typing is worse...hehehe
fofl .. I'm sure ..
Actually I do see Dana getting dumbed on .. I just give them enough rope to hang themselves .. lol
I'm really trying to yell at the one that starts it .. it's a never ending story .. and the worse part is they make me sound like my mother ... grrrrrrrr .. fofl
I dont believe that for a minute!
But at the time it seemed bad....Linda is saying IT WAS REALLY REALLY BAD being the middle child for her.
Oooh...this is hard trying to talk for two....
:-)
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced the altitude and spotted a woman below. he descended a bit more and shouted. excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman replied," you are in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a republican, "said the balloonist.
"I am," said the woman." "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded." You must be a democrat.
"I am replied the balloonist," but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "You don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now somehow, it's my fault."
:-)
Democrats won't get it though.
That's why a give them all enough rope .. just trying to be fair and balanced .. but I will say .. it's giving me a headache .. lol
That's their problem .. they never do .. lol
I'm not sure about me...lol.
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
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