[Vast Buffalo Wing Conspiracy]

Nietzsche: "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." Nietzsche: "The Earth has a skin and that skin has diseases, one of those diseases is man." Nietzsche: "God is dead." God: "Nietzsche is dead."

J.P.Morgan: "A person usually has two reasons for doing something: a good reason and the real reason."

G.K.Chesterton: "Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly." G.K.Chesterton: "The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."

A woman admiring Mae West's jewelry: "My goodness!"
Mae West: "Goodness had nothing to do with it!"

The evil yuppie boss from the movie Office Space: "Peter! Whhhhat's happening?"
Silly secretary from Office Space: "Sounds like someone has a case of the Monday's!"
(more Office Space quotes) Peter Gibbons: "So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."
Therapist: "What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?"
Peter Gibbons: "Yeah."
Therapist: "Wow, that's messed up!"

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "If I was your wife I would put poison in your food!"
Winston Churchill: "And if I was your husband, I'd eat it!"

Robert X. Cringely: "If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."

From the TV science fiction show Farscape, after Crichton has used a pulse pistol for the first time: "Don't move! Or I'll fill ya full of...little yellow bolts of light!"

Agent Smith from The Matrix: "Never send a human to do a machine's job."

[MattinNJ]

The only good thing ever to come out of Stalin were some cold, twisted one liners 1) When told that the Pope condemned his actions Stalin turned and said "How many divisions does the Pope have." 2) When told that, although the Russians had plenty of troops to take on the Germans, their equipment was terrible Stalin retorted "Quantity has a quality of it's own" 3) A German double agent working in the Japanese embassy (his name escapes me)during the beginning of the war alerted Stalin about Germany's planned attack through Poland. Several years later Stalin had him executed. When reminded what the spy had done for him Stalin stared icily and said "Gratitude is a disease of the dogs".

[MattinNJ]

Here's an appropriate one for our times from the best books of kick a$$ warfare I ever read "The Great Siege, Malta 1565" by Ernle Bradford, Wordsworth Military Library. The scenario: a handful of the Knights of St. John are surrounded by a vast army of Turks on the Island of Malta. If they lose, the West is in serious trouble. The Turks under Soleyman the Magnificent were as far as Bulgrade and Budapest. If they took Malta, Sicily was next and then Rome. Grand Master La Valette, a 70 year old veteran of many campaigns addresses his troops. "It is the great battle of the Cross and the Koran. A formidable army of infidels are on the point of investing our island. We, for our part, our the chosen soldiers of the Cross, and if Heavan requires the sacrifice of our lives, there can be no better occasion than this. Let us hasten then, my brothers, to the sacred altar. There we will renew our vows and obtain, by our Faith in the Sacred Sacraments, that contempt for death which alone can render us invincible.' The rest as they say, is history.

[Semper911]

Bump to my self-search, because the bookmark feature seems to be gone.

You can quote me on that.

[agenda_express]

"I have lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth - that God governs in the affairs of men."
- Benjamin Franklin

"He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money."
- Benjamin Franklin

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
- Benjamin Franklin

"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."
- Benjamin Franklin

"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything."
- Alexander Hamilton

[packrat01]

I can't trust anyone who will not own a gun. If they don't trust themselves, why should I trust them?

Mrs. packrat01

bangers, please help out.

[Smokin' Joe]

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed, second it is violently opposed, and third, it is accepted as self-evident." (Arthur Schopenhauer)

[tarawa]

Freedom has cost too much blood and agony to be relinquished at the cheap price of rhetoric. -- Thomas Sowell

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. -Hubert H. Humphrey

Common sense is not so common -Voltaire

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. –Anonymous

"There are roads that must not be followed, and battles that must not be fought.." –Sun Tzu

"To sin by silence, when they should protest, makes cowards of men." -- Abraham Lincoln

"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -- Ann Landers

"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant." – Unknown

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -Robert Heinlein

"There is nothing in life so exhilirating as to be shot at, without effect." - W. Churchill

"Corruptisima republica plurimae leges." (The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws.) -- Tacitus

"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now." -- Douglas Adams, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

"I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis." -- Ibid.

"For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong." -- H.L. Mencken

Illegitimi non carborundum sunt - Don't let the bastards grind you down

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Birthdays are good for you: the more you have the longer you live.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because its over; smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors... but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

"In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, brave, hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds however, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot." - Mark Twain

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.

5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.

7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.

8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.

9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.

10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.

14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.

17. I am at one with my duality.

18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

23. False hope is better than no hope at all.

24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in the Hollywood Cafe. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute.... I'll find someone.

27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.

31. To have a successful relationship, I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.

Qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum.
Let him who wishes for peace prepare for war.
(Vegetius. Also quoted si vis pacem, para bellum - if you desire peace, prepare for war.)

Veritas vos liberabit.
The truth will set you free.
(Versio Vulgata, Ioh. 8.32)

Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis.
The times change, and we change with them.
(John Owen)

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
-Will Rogers

"I believe a self-righteous liberal Democrat with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude." - -- Ted Nugent

[DreamWeaver]

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

[GrayBox]

Government big enough to give to the people everything they want is powerful enough to take from the people everything they have.

But this is all wrong, because government big enough to take from the people everything they have, cannot give them anything at all.

I enjoyed this quote from the recent movie "Vanilla Sky":

"I'll tell you in another life when we are both cats." How ridiculously clever.

[Frapster]

Bring me a shrubbery!

[archy]

"All generalities are untrue...."

-attributed to Mark Twain [Samuel Clemens]

"It is worthwhile to remember that the Milk of Human Kindness comes from a beast that is both a cannibal and a vampire..."

-attributed to *archy*

[archy]

"Why, they couldnt hit an elephant at this distance..."

-John Sedgewick, imediately prior to being hit by enemy fire and killed at the Battle of Spotsylvania, American Civil War/ War of Northern Dominance

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

"A society of sheep by nature, must beget a government of wolves."

[WhirlwindAttack]

Sic Gorgianas Et Tu Tonis Nuc

We would gladly feast on those who oppress us.

[InkStone]

"The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart." - R.G. Ingersoll

“We forge the chains that bind us.” - Charles Dickens

[StACase]

If you're not a liberal when you're 20, you've got no heart, and if you're not a conservative when you're 50, you've got no sense. - attributed to Churchill but like all things, who knows :-)

[tje]

NUTS!

[VaBthang4]

Not my all-time favorite but pretty good...

Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace-- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

-Patrick Henry

[FreetheSouth!]

"Do your duty in all things. You can never do more, you should never wish to do less."
- Robert E. Lee