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Sunday May 13 10:37 PM EST
Protesters Clash in Portland
By BBspot.com Correspondent Ralf the Dog
Portland, OR - Members of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and PETV (People for the Ethical Treatment of Vegetables) clashed today. Protests started peacefully with members of PETA throwing fake animal blood made from maple syrup and carrot juice at the PETV protesters while the PETV protesters were throwing fake maple syrup and carrot juice made from blood at the PETA people.
Later the PETA and PETV members started throwing rocks at each other. At this point members of PETM (People for the Ethical Treatment of Minerals) entered the fight but they were quickly overwhelmed because they were throwing ham sandwiches with mustard and tomatoes.
After the wounded and dead were taken off of the battlefield, members of PETV called a peace conference to address their differences. "We invited the PETA people to our headquarters for vegetarian chili and a movie."
When asked how the two groups got along the PETV members said that they liked the PETA members, "They were very tender hearted. Very tender. The movie 'Silence of the Lambs' was also quite good. "
No members of PETA were available for comment.
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"No," she said. "I certainly didn't know that."
"It happens to be true," he said. He was breathing rather rapidly, but he was trying to control his excitement. "I heard them shrieking. Each time you cut one, I heard the cry of pain. A very high-pitched sound, approximately one hundred and thirty-two thousand vibrations a second. You couldn't possibly have heard it yourself. But I heard it."
"Did you really, Mr. Klausner?" She decided she would make a dash for the house in about five seconds.
-- Roald Dahl, The Sound Machine, c. 1950. Collected in Someone Like You.
Does this mean pruning rosebushes and trees and such will be outlawed by treehuggers? Could pruning be considered a hate crime if you know it will scream?