Dodging Religious Door-To-Doors

Humor of the Day ^

[SAMWolf]

Number 5 works best for me.

[Rodney King]

6. Using a cordless phone, call someone you haven't talked to for a while. Then go to the door and make gestures like you'll only be a minute. See how long they stay.

This is the most effective for comemrical salespeople, as they judge themselves based upon sales/hour. If you waste their time, they won't come back.

It also works for phone callers. Tell them ok, let me go get my credit card, and then go to the fridge and grab a beer and take a walk around the yard. If you can get them to waste 10 mins/ their productivity goes way down.

[anniegetyourgun]

I just ask them for their first names and tell 'em I must leave now to get on my knees to pray them out of their cult. Works everytime, they give me a look that could kill, and they take my house off their list.

[Mind-numbed Robot]

I have found that a couple of serious academic questions about the Bible will have them gone very quickly. Ask them why Jesus always refers to himself as the Son of Man, never the Son of God. They will soon realize their friends are waiting down the street.

[Revelation 911]

Im kind of partial to:"Ya wanna beer" or "Are you here for the orgy". I find that asking JW's why Charles Russel is buried under a mock pyramid is a good tool for clearing the doorway too.

[pabianice]

>>Actually, that's two things, since, like snakes, they travel in pairs

Nope. Snakes are solitary. This guy is clueless about both religion and herpetology.

[VoiceOfBruck]

1. Listen for a minute or two with a polite but puzzled expression and then speak in a foreign language. Better yet, make one up.

LOL, you never know who might speak Urdu!

The house of Bruck has a rather long driveway, which gives us plenty of time to disappear when the door-knockers are coming. The kids have a lot of fun with it. We call it our "Jehovah's Witness drill."

My favorite ploy with telemarketers is to listen to their spiel, then politely ask them to repeat it. Then politely ask them to repeat it again, etc., etc.

[Dakmar]

One time they woke me up at about 6:30 so I invited them in and treated them to a little Black Sabbath while offering them cigarettes and whiskey. It was cruel, but effective, as they never came back. The same two had been coming about every three weeks before that, but waking me at 6:30 was the final straw.

[TomB]

In light of the recent attacks:

-wrap a towel around your head before you answer the door and ask if either of them knows how to fly a plane.

(no disrespect intended, this being a humor thread)

[riley1992]

ROTFL

[The_Reader_David]

As an Orthodox Christian, I've always found criticizing them for having an incomplete Old Testament and then beginning to explain why on Scriptural and historical grounds I'm already a member of the Church Christ founded through His Holy Apostles, while they aren't, gets rid of them very quickly.

[SAMWolf]

What also works is to keep some old Amway catalogs. When they show up, hand them a Amway catalog and begin extolling the virues of Amway!

[Credo]

Foxworthy proposed making a chalked out outline of a body on your front porch.

[AppyPappy]

I have found that a couple of serious academic questions about the Bible will have them gone very quickly

No, no, no. Their goal is to get in the door. Asking tough questions will send them into spin mode where they simply ignore the question in favor of their canned speech. I say "no thank You" and wish them a great day.

We live on a mountain road now and they don't waste their time. Anyway, the next door neighbors are Mormons and they eat JW's for breakfast.

[fone]

Put a sign near your door that says:

BEWARE OF VICIOUS ATTACK DOG!

[Steve_Seattle]

To deal with phone solicitors, a friend of mine pretends that he can only speak Chinese. (He can speak Chinese, but also perfect English.)

[ksen]

Being of the door-knocker variety, as a matter of fact we are going out this Saturday to kick off our missions conference, this post was actually pretty funny.

Whenever someone new wants to come out on visitation we tell them to make sure that when the door is answered to give their name, their partner's name and the name of our church (Faith Baptist Church)in the first ten seconds. People come to the door thinking that we are JW's or Mormons, but when they find out that we are from a regular, old Baptist church you should see the look of relief wash over their faces.

One time I was out on visitation with another fella and we approached the house of this one family, the wife was trimming weeds in her front yard. As we came near to her she stood up and had her hedge trimmers pointing at us. As soon as we introduced ourselves she lowered the trimmers and smiled and invited us to come out back by the pool and have a Coke while we visited with her and her husband.

We don't go out with the purpose of converting people on their doorstep, although we will not turn anyone down who wants to accept Christ as their Savior right then. When we go out our purpose is to visit people who have visited our church and see if they have any questions and leave some literature, a tract, and a video that we have. If we go out "cold-calling" our purpose is to let people know where our church is, when the hours of service are, and to give them a personal invitation to come out some Sunday if they can.

Anyways, thanks for the post.

-ksen

[hopespringseternal]

Jehovah Witnesses Answered, Verse by Verse

Mormons Answered, Verse by Verse

One guy, after talking with a pair of JW's for a while, had the local JW's go through the pain of 1) finding out where he went to church and 2) telling their doorknockers never, ever to talk to anyone who went to church there.

Nothing works better than converting their missionaries.

[MoralSense]

I generally tell them my wife and I are Episcopalians (true), and then very aggressively invite them to OUR church. I say a great many encouraging and inspiring things about how I found rebirth through Jesus (also true). Since I have both stolen their thunder and espoused (as they see it) the doctrines of a denomination that is beyond the fundamentalist pale, they go away.