Replies

1. Do you believe that Black Lives Matter? No more than anyone else's.

2. What are your thoughts on gender and sexual orientation? I like them straight and sexy.

3. How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life? I don't.

4. What are your thoughts on sex work? It's great if you can find it.

5. Are you a supporter of the BDS movement? If BDS means beer, drugs and sex, then I'm all for it.

6. What is your understanding of settler colonialism and indigenous rights? Huh?

7. Do you think capitalism is exploitative? Yes, businesses exploit their resources to produce goods and services for the consumer.

8. Can any human be illegal? Not just any human. Only those that break the law.

9. Do you support Muslim Americans and non-Muslim people from Islamic countries? Only if they assimilate into American culture and don't bring their sharia law with them.

10. Does your allyship include disabled folks? "Allyship"? Is that some kind of flying saucer?

Okay, that was easy. So did I get the date? :-)

This reminds me of the story about the gold miner who wrote back east to Sears & Roebucks asking for a mail order bride to be sent to him out west. He included a long list a characteristics he wanted his bride to have.

Well, he waited and he waited but still no bride.

So he writes again asking when his mail order bride will arrive. Soon he receives a reply.

"Sir, regrettably, we are sadden to inform you that such a woman with your required lengthy list of traits, does not exist."

I thought I would bite on this and pretend I was being asked these questions, even if I wouldn't dream of dating a "intersectional feminist", whatever the hell that is:

QUESTION 1: Do you believe that Black Lives Matter?
ANSWER: Well, since you asked...it is a race-baiting crutch for weak minded people. When blacks acknowledge that the most dangerous thing to black people is young black men, we can begin the conversation.

QUESTION 2: What are your thoughts on gender and sexual orientation?
ANSWER: Men and women are born that way, and that cannot be re-defined or changed. Homosexuality is a sexual peccadillo, and I won't tell people how to live their lives, but they can't force me to accept it as a normal variant.

QUESTION 3: How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life?
ANSWER: I treat both sexes, men and women with respect until they show me they don't deserve default respect. I treat women with special deference because I believe they have qualities that should be treasured and respected, until they show me they do not deserve that special deference.

QUESTION 4: What are your thoughts on sex work?
ANSWER: I will not tell others how to live their lives if it doesn't affect me directly, though I will not support legalization of prostitution.

QUESTION 5. Are you a supporter of the BDS movement?
ANSWER: No, not from a conservative side, and not from a liberal side. These things are personal issues. As a conservative, I will not berate someone for watching a sport, or buying a product since I believe those are personal decisions. I don't subscribe to groupthink, which is indicative of a weak mind and character. I, as an individual, desire the same forbearance in return, though in today's world, I don't expect to get it. International matters are different. If my country decides to impose sanctions on another country who has invaded a third country, I abide by that. If I disagree, it is my job as a citizen to live with it or work within the structure of our laws to effect change.

QUESTION 6: What is your understanding of settler colonialism and indigenous rights?
ANSWER: I don't ascribe today's values to entities that lived hundreds or thousands of years ago. That we work to avoid wrongs to others is enough.

QUESTION 7: Do you think capitalism is exploitative?
ANSWER: As you and I sit in this wonderful restaurant we reached in warm and reliable cars fueled by gasoline that we can reliably purchase nearly everywhere on roads built by tax dollars provided by taxing income, that can serve poached pears and other wonderful foods not only in the middle of the winter but at all times, while your phone pings at you with messages transferred in the blink of an eye over a network that can put a large degree of the knowledge of humanity at our fingertips, and that we will pay for all this from income derived from a job we have at a company someone started in order to make a capitalist profit, the answer is a definitive NO. Capitalism is among the greatest forces for good in all of human history. Furthermore, anyone that thinks that capitalism exploits people is, in my opinion, an unthinking, weak-minded, ignorant and ungrateful twit. Do we have to pay the check now and leave each other's company now?

QUESTION 8: Can any human be illegal?
ANSWER: If you wish to live in a Republic which is a government by LAW, yes. A human being can be illegal. And if we live in a REPUBLIC which is a GOVERNMENT BY THE RULE OF LAW, then "human beings" who BREAK OUR LAWS by entering this country IN VIOLATION OF LAWS should be prosecuted to the fullest extent available. If you don't agree with those laws, it is YOUR job AS A CITIZEN to CHANGE those laws THROUGH CONSTITUTIONAL CHANNELS or LIVE BY THOSE LAWS. I'm sorry, was I raising my voice there? Oh, you don't want to leave yet, do you? We aren't done! What's next...ah! Question nine...

QUESTION 9: Do you support Muslim Americans and non-Muslim people from Islamic countries?
ANSWER: This is a long answer, because this is one of the stupidest questions I have ever read. If a muslim is an American, then I treat them as other Americans. However, to be an "American" that means they repudiate shariah law, mosques that blare out loudspeakers five times a day, blocking of streets to pray, cutting the heads off or blowing up their fellow Americans or people in other countries they don't like, buggering little boys, honor-killing their females, throwing homosexuals off of roofs, sending money to terrorists, being terrorists themselves, and otherwise keeping their religion to themselves and following the laws laid out by our Republic, then I support them. Support non-Muslim people from Muslim countries? Well, that would depend on who those people are, wouldn't it? If we are going to have a relationship, Does "supporting muslims" mean that I have to allow them to murder others (or tacitly approve the murder of others by silence or inaction) in the name of their religion? If so, the answer is no. If I had my way, I would treat them as the world treated pirates up until the 20th Century, where we somehow decided to romanticize them. I would penalize them, ostracize them, hang their tarred, bacon-wrapped, desiccated bodies in cages hung at the international entrance ramps at airport, rail, and ship terminals with signs that say "THIS IS WHAT WE DO TO TERRORISTS". However, if your answer is NO, and you mean by support, to let them live their lives in their countries worshiping Allah without impacting our lives, then yes, I would. Let me know if you want me to expound further on this.

QUESTION 10: Does your allyship include disabled folks?
ANSWER: Okay, this is even stupider than the last question. First, describe "disabled". Does it mean someone who has limbs that won't function due to brain injury, structural paralysis, disease or amputation, or is it someone who has vague feelings of dysfunction and alienation due to...whatever? If it is the first, yes. If it is the second or any variant of it, no. Furthermore, I utterly reject people who make nearly anything disabling, whether it is the skin color or gender they were born into, all the way to women who feel disabled because some guy on a street looked at their ass 30 years ago and let loose a wolf whistle.

WAITER! May I have the check please? I am paying so I can get out of here without any further delay haggling over who will pay and what the tip might be. And the longer I sit here at this table with this "intersectional feminist" I feel my intellect being drained away just from the close proximity to this imbecility, so make it quick, please.