I wouldn’t say it’s a choice in the way that there is a singular moment in time when somebody considers the options and makes a decision to be straight or gay. But I do think it is a learned response over time after a myriad little micro-decisions and experiences. In my estimation it’s a fetish, arrived at in the way that any other fetish occurs to somebody. I also think it evolves over time just like fetishes do. Are people “born” to be interested in BDSM? or feet? or whatever? I don’t think so. I think it is learned and I think it is constantly changing. Some people do “evolve” back out of it again. Some just keep diving deeper in.
Like most of us, I’ve known a large number of gay men and women over the years and I have yet to meet one that didn’t have some sexual trauma in their formative years. Whether abuse or a dysfunctional relationship of some kind, without fail it always seems to be there.
The really inexplicable thing to me about gay relationships,— at least the ones I’ve seen— is the almost universal tendency for same-sex couples to still settle into a masculine and feminine role. Every time. Some guy who claims to be attracted to another man— to the exclusion of women— is attracted to an effeminate man. Or a woman who eschews men but is attracted to a “butch” or masculine woman. Here is somebody that is in fact still attracted to the opposite sex, but only their own artificial fantasy version. She wants a woman that acts like a man and straps on equipment to simulate being a man... you have to wonder if that person is really gay at all. She’s attracted to maleness, not feminitity. Just as some “gay” men are attracted to men that present themselves as feminine. I suspect there’s a fear underlying it. They’re still actually attracted to the opposite sex but there is some deep-seated fear of the biologically authentic gender.
in 2003, Nixon ended her relationship with Danny Mozes, the father of her two children, Samantha and Charles. The couple had met in high school, and theyd never married. Then she got involved with Christine Marinoni, a Park Slope institution and a public-school advocate (although Nixon tells me Marinoni has since switched to union organizing).
http://nymag.com/arts/theater/profiles/21647/
Being gay is better? I don’t think so.
The issue is much more complicated than either side wants to admit, or deal with, its just easier saying “Its a CHOICE” or “I was BORN this way!”..
I don’t believe anyone is “born that way”. There may be some that are inclined that way, just as I am inclined to be a lazy glutton (which is also a sin). I have to fight my inclination to be a sinner, just as they should.
Years of frantic, highly funded research has failed to produce a “gay gene”, but so many people believe the lie that science has proven it exists......gee, what does that sound like?