* NASCAR's Pledge of Allegiance *
1. Above all else, I pledge to be a loyal fan to my chosen driver. I will rejoice and celebrate when my driver wins. I will lay blame on every other driver in the field if my driver spins out on the first lap. My driver can do no wrong. He is perfect in every sense of the word. I will tell this to everyone I know and I will actually believe it. I will stand up for my driver if another driver's fan says something off-color about him. If necessary (especially if beer is involved), I will come to blows for my driver. Even if my favorite driver is no longer racing, I will make it clear to everyone who will listen that he is my favorite driver of all-time. I will know everyone on his team...from the crew chief to the PR rep. I will talk about him so much people will tell me to shut up. Also, I will never lose faith in my driver's abilities. If he has finished 30th or worse in all the races in the past two years, I will have faith that my driver will win next week. My loyalty is strong and never shall I change my favorite driver. He is the best.
2. I will bitch heartily about the sport, but will also be the first person to defend it. I will complain about the sanctioning body, the rules, the race tracks, etcetera, until I am blue in the face, but DO NOT let me hear another person bash my sport of choice. I will tell them that NASCAR is the best sport ever and give them at least 25 reasons why.
3. I will own at least one item bearing my favorite drivers name and sponsor. If I am truly loyal, I will go and spend my hard earned money on many pieces of memorabilia. I will go out and spend $250 on a diecast, even if it means I have to top ramen noodles all week long. I will search the world over for cardboard stand-ups of my favorite driver. I will own shirts, hats, socks, bed clothes, glasses, coffee tins, collector's cards, signs, flags, etc. I will put myself in debt for these items and never bat an eyelash (reserving the right to complain about the price....it is my money, you know?).
4. I will love Talladega & Bristol like it was my home, even if I haven't been there. Every year I will try to get tickets to the Talladega & Bristol race. I will call the offices everyday until they tell me to stop or they will get a restraining order. I will make it my mission in life to go to this race at least once in my lifetime. If worse comes to worse, I will sell something of great value on ebay to raise the money to buy tickets off a scalper. I will do this just so I can rub it in to other fan's faces that I have been to Talladega & Bristol race.
5. I will hate at least one driver in the field (or really dislike them). This driver will usually be someone who has done an injustice to MY driver. This may change from week to week, or lap to lap. On a really bad day, I will hate all of the other drivers except for MY driver.
6. I will know everything about racing. I may not know who the current president is, or what day it is, but I will be able to expound at great length on subjects such as; tight, loose, camber, toe-in, toe-out, stickers, scuffs, racing grooves, restrictor plates, wedge, air pressure, aerodynamics, etcetera.
7. I will do everything I can to meet my favorite driver, but as a true fan, I will never be an autograph hound, or one of the "bag people". If the opportunity arises I will take full advantage of it, but I will NOT chase my favorite driver through the garage area, screaming his name and making a fool out of myself in front of 100,000 other fans.
8. I will gladly put myself through hell to go to a NASCAR race. I will spend my life's savings on tickets and pit passes. I will drive 12 hours straight to get to the track. I will either spend outrageous amounts of money on a hotel room or I will sleep in the mud, using a rock as a pillow. I will wake up at 4am to be sure I'm at the track as early as possible. I will sit in traffic for 8 hours trying to get to the track. I will park 3 hours away and walk to the track in the hot sun. I will fight the crowds with pleasure. I will spend $18 on a hotdog and $20 on a soda. I will sit in crappy seats that only allow a partial view of the backstretch. I will spend $80 to rent a scanner to listen in on my favorite driver's conversations. I will stay until the end of the race, then fight the crowds and the traffic again. I will drive back home without sleeping and tell everyone who will listen that it was the best weekend of my life.
9. I will do everything humanly possible to get a job with NASCAR. If I am a true fan, I will go to college and take mass communications to be a PR rep or a motorsports journalist. I'll take engineering or advanced auto mechanics to be part of the team. I will send my resume to NASCAR at least once a month. If worse comes to worse, I will try to become the next Miss Sprint Cup.
10. I will frequently visit message boards dedicated to my favorite driver. I will make life long friends on these websites. It will become a major part of my daily routine. Every spare minute I have will be spent on these boards talking...even sometimes arguing. I will be on the computer so much my family will call me things like, "obsessed" and "addicted". I will get a lot of useful information from these sites and I will bookmark them on my favorite's list. If I'm true, I will make one my homepage.
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