Posted on 05/23/2011 6:28:05 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
You are really sweet and I sincerely thank you for your post.
The question of, “did I raise my children right?” isn’t a simple one. With my son, it looks like I have a 100% success rate. With my daughter, things aren’t going as well (but they’re still growing and developing as human beings. They’re young adults and they’re not done yet. I still have hope.)
So, if ‘the proof is in the pudding,’ I was right and wrong.
Human beings are MUCH more complicated than we generally give them credit for. There is no perfect formula for parenting and, in the end, children are human beings with free will. They will make their own choices as soon as they’re given the chance.
But now I look back and don’t think that all that pressure was really necessary. I do wish I’d enjoyed them more.
But then, I’d now be looking at my daughter’s struggles and saying, ‘I should’ve been more strict...’
Parents can’t win.
And, with all that said, there is ONE thing that I’m sure that I did right. My children both love and trust me. They both turn to me for advice, guidance and help. They both know that they are loved and cared for. They both have confidence and yet know that I’ve ‘got their backs’. they both have solid morals and values and are striving for true *wisdom* as well as knowledge. They both are actively trying to be better human beings and they understand that this struggle will never end.
For all my mistakes, I did ultimately produce two good people who’re capable of giving and receiving love and who dearly love G-d. They are people of faith and they are still growing.
I guess that I *did* lay a good foundation after all.
Thank you for helping me further reflect on that.
I'd follow the thumbs up with "now, how can we help you make that an "A"?" Lets 'em know you are pleased but willing to help them get even better. And, if they can't get better, it's not for lack of trying!
But probably in the lower third or quarter of NBA players. In his case hard work was necessary, and paid off.
Oh, I agree. However, children have different talents and abilities. One child may do amazing work in reading/composition/English and not so well at math. A parent knows their child and how hard they work/their gifts. I personally feel one issue parents lose at is open communication. Some kids tell their parents everything and some keep things close to the vest. The trick is to get your child to tell you everything. Thus far, I have achieved at that goal. Thus far.
I think if you notice your kid getting stressed and upset about not getting an A, then I don’t think it’s worth it. Now, if they have a flippant attitude and don’t care, then I would push it.
Do you think Walt Frazier and Oscar Robertson were poor athletes? Maravich was faster than both of them. In fact, Robertson had a white teammate, Larry Costello, who was faster than Robertson. By what standard do you think Maravich was a poor athlete? Because he was white? Not every black athlete was a great athlete along the lines of Jordan. Robertson just had average speed, but he also was a good leaper, very agile and coordinated, and very strong. That with his skills, intelligence and determination made him a great player. But his physical attributes, despite having average speed, were also excellent.
There’s no way Maravich could have averaged over forty points a game with other teams trying to stop with trick defenses him without him having outstanding athletic abilities. He was very skinny as a college player, so there’s no way he overpowered them. His skills were great, but he had excellent speed and quickness to go along with that. He was a good leaper as well.
Then we must be talking about two different guys, because the Maravich I saw play at LSU was no such physical prodigy. And the few times I saw him play professionally, he was constantly being physically beaten up by the other players. I "think" if he had had such prodigious speed and quickness, he would have avoided all the pain, if nothing else.
Jerry West was one of the fastest, quickest white athletes to ever play the game of basketball. Like Maravich, he was always being injured and in pain. Ditto Bill Walton who might have gone down as one of the top five best players ever if not for injuries. Being an excellent athlete does not make you invulnerable.
Both West and Walton had longer professional careers than Maravich, by a significant amount. We'll have to agree to disagree, because I believe my "lying eyes" and not your unsupported comments. How many times did you actually SEE Maravich play??
Walton? Are you kidding? He only a had few years where he played at somewhat full strength. Even his championship year he only played 66 games. He got hurt the next year and didn’t finish the season. Then he tried to make a comeback in San Diego a few years later that was cut short by injuries. He finished out his career in Boston as a backup center. The man was a walking, (usually in a cast) medical ward.
“For 7.5 years, I was a homeschool monster mom. I pushed my kids way too hard. I’ve told them over and over that my greatest regret is that I didn’t enjoy their childhoods and I rarely allowed them to do the same. It was always work and schedules. To be fair, I was struggling to keep up and putting a LOT of pressure on *myself*.”
One of my many Asian nieces, at about age 8, sincerely, plainitively asked her mom, “If violin practice is so important, shouldn’t you be practicing violin, too, Mom? Why is violin only important for me?”
And my oldest Asian daughter, a twice-deployed Iraq combat vet who just graduated summa cum laude from the small state school the National Guard afforded her, after hearing a you-bettter-work-harder-or-you’ll-be-a-failure-and-fail rant, straight-up asked, “But Mom, if I want to, couldn’t I just find a nice guy who will take care of me and marry him, like you did?”
And you didn't answer my question...."how many times have did you actually SEE Maravich play?".
Now that *is* something that I did. If they were studying, I was studying. We read together. I took advanced math classes while they did their lessons. I told them that learning never ends and I did model that behavior. my husband did as well. After work, he'd come home and read or do correspondence classes. We studied together and we worked together.
We just didn't spend enough time playing together!!
after hearing a you-bettter-work-harder-or-you’ll-be-a-failure-and-fail rant, straight-up asked, “But Mom, if I want to, couldn’t I just find a nice guy who will take care of me and marry him, like you did?”
This was a flaw of mine, but I did stress that this was my *mistake*. I told them that I'd set myself up by having them before I was properly prepared.
Just two nights ago, my son and I had a talk on the nature of hypocrisy. he told me that he never considered me a hypocrite because I was honest. He always understood that I wanted them to do *better* than I did.
I think that honest discussion is the key. The problem comes when parents are too prideful to admit that they messed anything up. They think that they'll lose esteem in their children's eyes, but the opposite is true. We *gain* esteem when we're honest with them.
My husband and I really screwed up our finances 6 years ago. We were so deep in debt that it wasn't funny. We easily qualified for bankruptcy.
We started the Dave Ramsey program and put in place draconian austerity measures in our home. And the kids went through the whole program *with* us. We had many open and frank discussions with the kids about the many areas where we messed up and modeled and taught them the solutions.
Now that we're out of debt, the kids are benefiting from the years of hard work and sacrifice with us. We've bought them both cars, paid for proms, given them both months of insurance while they started working and were trying to get their feet under them. They both have nice cell phones. And we're still saving money every month.
I don't see the benefit of keeping our mistakes from them. I want negative cycles to STOP - not be continued for another generation. Admitting an error and correcting that error is a life skill they need to have.
Re Frazier & Robinson: Of course they were not “poor” athletes! No poor athlete makes it to the NBA; the athleticism is a matter of degree. Some do fine on raw talent and hustle; many make up for slight shortcomings with hard work. Most are a combo of the two, talent plus work.
Maravich wasn’t on tv, except in sports highlights, like today. Nevertheless, As I was a huge fan, I watched him play as much as possible. I saw his 64 point game against Kentucky his senior year plus saw him play in the NIT. When he became a pro, I watched him whenever he was on the game of the week...which was rare. Since the start of the internet and you tube, films of Maravich and highlights, including his 68 point game against the Knicks, are available. Of course, I watch a lot of his highlight film. I see a player who gets down the court in a hurry not only exhibiting eyepopping skill but doing incredible athletic feats. A poor or mediocre athlete couldn’t have done what Maravich did.
Some people refuse to accept the fact that some white athletes have excellent physical capabilities. I remember reading reports about John Stockton when he came into the league written by some sportswriters that he was slow. Apart from great strenth, Maravich had all the physical qualities necessary to be a great basketball player. I mean, for crying out loud look at the films of him on the internet racing down the court while dribbling the ball past slews of opposing players to make a fantastic play. Poor athletes just couldn't have done what Maravich did.
By the way, I’ll add that for about a close to thirty year period, I was a basketball junkie. I played it, watched it on tv, listened to it on the radio, and coached it. I’ve seen thousands of grade school, high school, college, and pro games. I’ve seen all the great players. In fact I love to go on the internet and watch them play again. Which means I watch recordings from more than fifty-sixty years ago. How much basketball did/do you watch?
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