Posted on 08/08/2010 4:22:14 PM PDT by NativeNewYorker
Blond jokes notwithstanding, it appears the dark-haired gent is the one who made the blunder.
somebody needed to touch up that photo - particularly her legs - need some makeup or something
You are 100% correct. I’m just having some fun. No harm meant to any of our blonde FRiends.
Er, what kind of marketing did she do? Was she one of the booth babes at trade shows who wear nearly nothing and pass out pens?
Those jokes are GREAT! Thanx for the laughs!
And a modest contribution of my own:
A blonde is telling her hairstylist about how she needs a new car, but her old car is such a wreck she can’t get a decent trade-in, so the hairstylist tells her to go see her mechanic-boyfriend, who will ‘fix it up’.
The blonde takes her car to the mechanic, he rolls back the odometer until it only shows 30,000 miles instead of 90,000.
The blonde says ‘oh WOW, thanks!’
A month later, the hairstylist says to her blonde client, “so how come you haven’t got a new car yet? I see you’re still driving that old wreck?”
The blonde says “why would I get rid of my car? It only has 30,000 miles on it!!!!”
That’s a good one.
“SAN FRANCISCO – The woman at the center of the sexual harassment claim that forced the resignation of Hewlett-Packard Co. CEO Mark Hurd revealed her identity Sunday and said she is “surprised and saddened” that Hurd lost his job.
Jodie Fisher, 50, knew Hurd through her contract jobs with HP’s marketing department from 2007 to 2009. She was paid up to $5,000 per event to greet people and make introductions among executives attending HP events that she helped organize.”
“Her lawyer, celebrity attorney Gloria Allred, said Fisher is a single mother who is “focused on raising her young son.”
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_hp_ceo_resigns
Fixed.
Apparently, she was hired by Hurd to organize business-social events for execs, and act as hostess. Hurd would have private dinners with her after the get-togethers. He admits to the expense account issues.
Hurd paid her an undisclosed settlement, and he gets a severance package from HP. Worked out swell for both of them. HP employees must be fuming.
“$12.2 million severance package, according to documents filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission.
Hurd will also receive 330,177 performance-based restricted stock units that were granted to him in 2008, in addition to outstanding options to purchase up to 775,00 shares of HP stock that were vested as of Friday”
Nice, but not $25 million nice.
“And a modest contribution of my own”
When a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down the flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston and I’m staying right here.”
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy and won’t move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston and I’m staying right here.”
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.
The pilot says, “you say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “oh, I’m sorry.” and she gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
I told her, “first class isn’t going to Houston “.
The blonde puts in a dollar bill and presses the button for "Coke." Out pops a can of Coke and 50 cents change. A man approaches and kindly waits his turn to use the vending machine.
The blonde then puts another dollar bill into the slot and, slightly hesitating, presses the "Pepsi" button. Out pops a can of Pepsi and 50 cents change.
The blonde then rummages through her purse. She pulls out anouther dollar bill and slips it into the vending machine. The blonde pauses for several seconds before making a selection. The man behind her sighs aloud. Paying no attention to the man's impatience, the blonde selects "Mountain Dew." Out pops a can of Mountain Dew and 50 cents change.
The blonde then searches through her purse again and finally finds another dollar bill. She puts it into the vending machine, taking a while to decide which button to push. After a minute or so, the man behind her asks, "Ma'am, how much longer will you be at this machine"?
The blonde turned around and said, "Well...duh!...can't you see I'm winning."
I'm just warming up.
A guy walks into the bar around 9:45 PM and sits down next to a blonde staring up at the TV. The 10:00 news soon came on and featured the story of a man on the ledge of a large building who was preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at the guy and says, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
The guy says, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replies, “Well, I bet he won’t.”
Hearing this, the guy places a twenty-dollar bill on the bar and says, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building and fell to his death.
The blonde was upset, but willingly handed her twenty dollars over, saying, “Fair’s fair; here’s your money.”
The guy smiles and then replies, “I’m afraid I can’t really take it. You see, I watched the news at five PM and knew he’d jump.”
“Oh, I did, too, “the blond replied. “I just didn’t think he’d do it again.”
i had a job like that before i became a stay-at-home mom... but i did all of the oganizing, coordinating, executing... it was demanding, but very fun... the most fun job ever... i also worked closely with our VP, but i saw him as a grandpa...
Funny.
ok..2 more then I’m really done.
How do you get a twinkle in a blonde’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Why couldn’t the blonde call 911?
Because there’s no 11 on the phone.
Her boyfriend asks, ‘What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?’ The blonde says, ‘According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.’
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, ‘First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.’
He takes her hand and says, ‘Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then ...’ he said with a deep sigh... ‘Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.’
She continued, "Mark and I never had an affair or intimate sexual relationship. I first met Mark in 2007 when I interviewed for a contractor job at the company. At HP, I was under contract to work at high-level customer and executive summit events held around the country and abroad. I prepared for those events, worked very hard and enjoyed working for HP. I have resolved my claim with Mark privately, without litigation, and I do not intend to comment on it further."She sued him for sexual harassment, settled, and then it came out. It sounds like she was hired to be "entertaining" to high-level customers. My suspicion: he stopped paying her and she got pissed.
She's cute, but she's FIFTY, for gods sake. He could have hired a twenty year old that's much cuter, for less money, and had less trouble.
You have my hubby laughing at your joke
Signed A blonde by dye!
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