THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE DAN AWAY
Tune: "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-haaa!"
Remember when I broke the news
How Bush got in the Guard
And didn't have to leave
To go to Vietnam?
Well . . .
I pushed that story hard
Just weeks before Election Day
And so of course you know
The thoughts I had in my mind
Like . . .
They're going to give me a prize, Ha-ha!
They're going to give me a prize, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
For a journalist
Who helps the Democrats all the time
And I'll be happy to put
That nice award
In my trophy case
And they're going to give me a prize, Ha-haaa!
You thought it was a fake
And so you cringed
You cringed when people said
That superscript was not done at that time
Right . . .
The people laughed, I heard them laugh
They laughed, they laughed and laughed
You made me leave
But now you know I'm Rather upset!
So . . .
I'm going to take you to court, Ha-ha!
I'm going to take you to court, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
For a tidy sum
Like six--no, seventy million bucks
And put me back on the Evening News
And make all the viewers watch
And I'm going to take you to court, Ha-haaa!
I read your news
I gave my views
And this is how you pay me back
For all my years of bold unbiased news?!
Hah . . .
Well, you just wait
I'll find the proof
And when I do
They'll know that Dan is not some sort of old unbalanced nut!
'Cause . . .
They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha!
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
To the Kinko's store
Where fake but accurate faxes fly
And I'll be happy to see
Those daring scoops
Come across my desk
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!
To the anchor desk
With lights and cameras and breaking news
And four producers who sit and smile
And tell me that I'm the best
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!
To the Kinko's store
Where fake but accurate faxes fly
And I'll be happy to see
Those daring scoops
Come across my desk
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!