Doug Giles: The 10 Commandments for Husbands

Townhall ^ | 4/14/07 | Doug Giles

[wagglebee]

Great advice!

[MarkBsnr]

Great wisdom.

I don’t deserve the fine wife that I have. I shall treasure this and find frequent ways to apply it.

[hardworking]

Pretty good but I’ll bet he isn’t as old as I am. The condensed version, based on years of experience, is:

1. Job: Get one, hold one, hand paycheck to wife

2. While holding paycheck in one hand have bouquet of flowers in other hand, REGULARLY

3. Zipper: keep it up unless YOU are going to PLAN that next munchkin WITH the wife

4. Lower zipper: Say these words first to thyself - “No matter what YOU send US, Lord, it is MY responsibility - for at least 18 l-o-n-g years”

5. Appearance: Look at YOURSELF in mirror and forgive wife for ANY failings you think she has.

6. TV - turn it OFF and INVITE wife out to dinner (even a cheap one) AT LEAST ONCE PER WEEK

7. Practice these words: “Yes Dear”

8. Regardless of time or circumstance, including when you are holding the grease-covered distributor cap for your antique car and your head is under the hood, LOOK at your wife and FOCUS on her FACE when SHE is talking. You don’t have to actually listen, but learn to PRETEND that you are.

9. You WILL have a happy life (and good sex too).

From,
There-may-be-snow-on-the-roof-but-there’s-still-fire-in-the-furnace

[Little Bill]

When I was young, many years ago, women did not fart, ever, to this day properly brought up women don't flatulate.

I believe I was in my 40's before I heard a woman pass gas, I was shocked, shocked I tell you.

[happygrl]

To paraphrase Butch and The Kid, "Who IS This Guy ?"

He hits it outta the ball park.

Yup, I'm making copies.

[Tax-chick]

You don’t have to actually listen, but learn to PRETEND that you are.

But don't say, "Yeah, sure!" unless you know what she said. This is also a good rule when you're not listening to your children.

[GSlob]

"When I was young, many years ago, women did not fart, ever, to this day properly brought up women don't flatulate."
That would be outright life-threatening. History tells us that at the court of emperor Claudius one Roman with the true, old school Roman fortitude abstained from passing gas- and died from the effort [BTW, as he died, he finally released both his gas and his sphincter]. Thus they DO flatulate - but in a silent and deadly womanly fashion. Males, OTOH, usually do it in life-affirming way, overtly and audibly.

[RichInOC]

Commandment the first: Thou shalt not commit unsuitable matrimony in the first place. On this commandment hangeth all Giles’ law and prophecy.

[RichInOC]

Horses fart, men pass gas and women simply smile enigmatically.

[Tax-chick]

“If you had not mentioned it, Madam, I should have thought it was the horse.”

[Kirkwood]

Nag, Nag, Nag.

[hinckley buzzard]

I believe I was in my 40's before I heard a woman pass gas, I was shocked, shocked I tell you

You are misinformed. Women do not fart. Neither do they sweat, nor belch. Therefore they must complain incessantly or else they will explode.

[goldstategop]

Its funny. But its also chock-full of old-fashioned advice. It helps to remember it in one commandment: "Thy Woman Is Not A Man". All the rest is commentary. Now go forth and be a Good Husband.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

[afnamvet]

Selah

[potlatch]

Thank you wagglebee, good post. Especially after reading through one called, “What Do Women Want” the other night where the posts were sad indeed!

[happygrl]

Thanks for clearing the air on that:)

[hosepipe]

Thats was GREAT..

[GoldenPup]

Great article. Condensed version = “Yes, Dear”.

[GSlob]

Yep. Oldie, but goodie.

[GSlob]

Well, it could reach an art form. Why, in early 70s one of my fellow students at moscow university managed to emit something like 20+ seconds long continuous fart which he unmistakably modulated [don’t ask me how] into the beginning of the soviet national anthem. I and couple of other witnesses collapsed from laughter.