FReeper Canteen ~ What kind of soda/pop(beverage) are you? ~ 08Nov2006

Serving The Best Troops In The World | Canteen Crew

[Lady Jag]

I think I know the one you mean. I have it and can't find it, either - yet. Here's one alone similar lines.

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear.  Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

Dr.  Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX



   At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.  "Big breaths," I instructed.  "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

Dr.  Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

   One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.  Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Dr.  Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada



   I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read.  "Now both," I requested. There was silence.  He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.  I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered.  I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

Dr.  Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA


   During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.  "Which one?" I asked.  "The patch.  The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Dr.  Rebecca St.  Clair, Norfolk, VA

   While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered. "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

Dr.  Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR


   I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.  I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." Dr.  Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI


   A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.  It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

[potlatch]

LOL, true life comedy can't be beat! Some people need a manual to take a pill.

I'll dig through my 'saved joke' folder in a bit.

[tongue-tied]

No rain dances please. Last time Allegra did that, it flooded in the 'States in areas and we got some pretty good mud here, but it happened while I was sleeping.

[Lady Jag]

Good luck! I cannot find mine and I know I have it. It's making me nuts, so I'm hoping you find it so I can read it again.

[potlatch]

Sad to say, I didn't find it and I know for sure it isn't going to be in my "Inspirational" or "Thoughtfulness" folders, lol.

[Lady Jag]

Pot, I googled it - this is what I was thinking? Is it the same you were thinking of?

Doctors' Notes on Patient's Charts

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused an autopsy.
9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
26. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

 

[potlatch]

These are great, we needed some laughs today!

No, the one I had was all the little cipher or codes they put on their charts describing a patient. They can't write hypochondriac so they use these notations.

[devolve]

[SevenofNine]

More potential news trolls at low rated MSNBC reporting that possibity John Bolton may be out of there

[Lady Jag]

You mean this?

[SevenofNine]

Well some report off Editor and Publisher claim that there are some in Chicago Tribune stockholders don't want David Geffen to be new boss not only Chicago Tribune also LA Times and Chicago Cubs report is Geffen want that package there might stock fights between investor and Geffen who openly gay man he want appoint guy in Chicago Cubs major office as first gay man to head baseball team


Tomkow and tongue tied look Cubs colors are change to PINK

[potlatch]

LOL, I'd have to make a new folder for that one!

[Seadog Bytes]

=:- )

[tongue-tied]

...first gay man to head baseball team

I just...can't. tounge-tied WILL behave.

Maybe 2007 isn't the big year for the Cubbies. We'll have to see how much the front office issues affect the team's performance.

[SevenofNine]

Well I don't know that problem report are might be stock fight between Chicago Tribune long time Conservative stockholder vs Queen of Record Company David Geffen

[devolve]

It's different isn't it?

[potlatch]

Nothing unusual - for you!

[stand watie]

certainly has!

it was a "through the looking glass" period, a la Lewis Carroll.

free dixie HUGS,sw

[stand watie]

Steele may just win yet.

there are THOUSANDS of uncounted military absentee ballots that haven't even been LOOKED AT, much less counted!

free dixie SMOOCH,sw

[darkangel82]

700?