Posted on 09/25/2006 11:24:53 AM PDT by misterrob
I still am, hickup, thank you very much!!
"Asbridge said government officials might want to reduce drinking rates and, presumably, violence by raising taxes. [on beer]"
ARRRRGGGGHHH! Leave it to the Socialists to reject a free, voluntary program like AA, no matter how (apparantly) effective in favor of higher taxes!
Ever been to a meeting where the coffee's late?
:-).
"...Even after almost 19 years I still have to check the beast inside on occasion..."
Even after 13 years, I read this every few weeks to remind me of what is waiting for me should I pick up... Don't know if either of you have ever read this, but the hair on my arms stands up when I do... As it is right now...
Hello, I am your Disease
I Hate meetings...I Hate higher powers...I Hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I Am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That's Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased.
I love to catch you with the element of suprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, haven't I? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me? I was there, I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I Love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can't feel anything at all. This is true gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always.
When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes, they take seriously. Fools. Without my help these things would not be possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.
More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, Your meeting, Your higher power. All of these things weaken me, and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live I may only exist. But I am here...
And until we meet again, If we meet again, I wish you death and suffering.
Thanks for posting that!
you're welcome...
reading it in a way gives the disease an actual voice is terrifying, isn't it?
Thank you so much for posting all of "Hello, I am Your Disease". This passage especially hit me as I once threw away 8 years, because I rode on the gifts of the program and recovery and spent a lot less, to very little time, doing the work (cut back to nearly quiting meetings for a long time and a brief attempt at going back and not getting a sponsor and not doing the work, wasn't enough to make up for that amount the diseased mind had set back in.) Hey, but I made A's in all my college classes for three in a half years. Guess I thought that made me well and would keep me sober.
I picked up an 8 year coin that year and even though I was in tremendous pain, I smiled and told everyone how fabulous I was doing and how great life was. Walked into the same meeting a week later and talked drunk! Can you imagine. I would never be caught dead in a AA meeting drunk I would have historically and arrogantly told myself. But the truth is I drank in a bar for a few nights and people were really assholes and I was a toxic mess. I had been spoiled by the love and kindness of the program and forgot everything about how it absolutely sucks for an alcoholic drinking out there. Today, I know all the 'nevers' are out there waiting for me. For today.
Today by the grace of God and me doing the work, I have 9 3/4 years back at the age of 40 and man, it has been some of the most humbling, but the most beautiful God filled times of my life. Still I have to kick my 'arse' :-) some days to do the work. Thanks again. It really struck a cord. Thank you.
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