Posted on 06/26/2006 5:25:47 PM PDT by RDTF
Oh well, life is a beach.
It's time for:
Announcer: Todd is a part time employee at Petco. Bruce is a much-in-demand interior designer. They are here today in Gay Divorce Court to bring an end to their three month marriage amidst allegations of infidelity, heavy drug abuse and verbal assaults. Lets join the court now as Judge Baxter Brownbutter adjudicates this painful breakup.
Todd: .we were madly in love and I thought wed be together for a lifetime. That all changed when my rectum prolapsed. Suddenly the magic was gone and the abuse began
Bruce: Your honor, I wasnt the one who caused his love bucket to fall out. That happened at a three day beach party when he decided to take on Lubricia, the lesbian dominatrix and her 12 inch strap-on.
Judge Brownbutter: Quiet you. Youll have your turn in a minute. Go ahead Todd dear. Youre already at a grand a month. Love the sailor suit.
And so on ..
Cue Theme Music
Announcer: In todays episode of Gay Divorce Court, a lesbian couple from San Francisco, California comes before Judge Yolanda Sans Spermatozoa to put an end to their six month marriage amid allegations of mental cruelty, false imprisonment and emotional distress.
Marie Ball-Bustier has filed for divorce from her long time lover and short time spouse, Vaginitia Lackluster, claiming among other things that Ms. Lackluster has tried to impregnate her against her will and has taken to locking her in the car on family outings. Lets now join the court as Judge Sans Spermatozoa solicits testimony in this emotional case.
Marie: Your honor, Im a feminist/lesbian and I object to any intrusion into my bodily orifices because of my conviction that all heterosexual behavior is rape perpetrated by a patreo/judaeo/christo/mohammedo/capitalo societal framework embossed onto our collective consciousness by Republicans and their archetypical co-religionists.
So you can imagine my surprise when Vaginitia attempted to impregnate me with a commercial grade turkey baster and the sperm of a man whom I consider to be a psycho-historical revisionist.
Vaginitia: Your honor, for years I complied with Maries wishes concerning her physical apprehensions but now that were married I feel that I have a right to offspring. Since Maries my wife, I feel its her obligation to give me children
Marie: Im NOT the wife!
Vaginitia: Youre the wife
Marie: NOT!!
Judge Sans Spermatozoa: Womyn, please! Since this is a new area of the law and were just making it up anyway, I feel that I have the discretionary latitude to assign roles in these matters. Ms. Ball-Bustier, youre the wife
Marie: NOT!!
Cue Theme Music
Cut to Commercial
Announcer: As Judge Sans Spermatozoa weighs in on this important aspect of gay marriage law, let's briefly hear from one of our fine sponsors.
Cut to interior of law office
Lawyer: Are you a gay, lesbian, transgendered or bisexual person who has recently married but now find yourself in a relationship that you want to get out of, pronto?
Does your spouse beat, strangle, choke, kick, pummel, bite, scratch, pinch, poke or otherwise abuse you?
Do you long for the days when you could attend an innocent knothole party without having to come home to a spouse in a jealous rage?
If you're tired of getting your meat beat and it's time to beat feet call the law offices of Rimley, Brown and B'Lome at 263-555-HOMO. We can help...for a fee.
Remember, that's Rimley, Brown and B'Lome, 263-555-HOMO. Specializing in gay marriage law since early 2004.
Hispanic male voice-over: SE HABLA ESPANOL!! REEMLEY! BROWN! Y-Y-Y BEE-LOW-ME!
DOS! SEIS! TRES! CINCO! CINCO! CINCO! HOMO!!
Announcer: And now back to Gay Divorce Court...
People tend to be interested in the bizarre and absurd -in the case of "homosexual rights" it is like watching a social engineering slow moving train wreck...
very clever!
Interesting first post.
Is there a full moon out there tonight?
That reminds me of the two gay judges that tried each other.
Okay, it hurt almost as much to type that as to read it. Almost.
RIMSHOT!!
LOL!
bttt
That was a hilarious post.
Thanks for the laughs.
ROFLOL!!!
Thank you, thank you...I'll be here all week. Try the fish...
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