Posted on 06/12/2006 9:27:43 AM PDT by aculeus
Milligan was a genius. I saw him on stage (twice) and he is still the only person that literally had me laughing so hard, that I couldn't catch my breath.
As kids, we would listen to the Goons every Sunday night...6 or 7 of us would get together every Sunday night at 6, huddle around the radio, and howl with laughter.
If you ever have the chance to read a couple of Milligan's books, do it. Make sure that you aren't reading in bed at night. I made that mistake. Woke Mrs S several times, laughing.
Two of his funniest: "Adolph Hitler: My Part in his Downfall".
And the sequel that he swore he would never write: "Adolph Hitler: His Part in My Downfall".
At least Spike had an Irish-sounding surname.
Oh yeah! Well....
Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas... assaulted! peanut. Ho-ho-ho-ho.
I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!!! I WAS TALKING TO THE LITTLE WISEASS ON YOUR KNEE!!!!
ROFLMAO! Aaaah!!! (Thud!)
A man walks into the police station and says, "officer I want to report a crime. On Monday, three women were at the Broad Street subway station, one of them proceeded to rape me again and again while the others stole all my belongings."
"Tuesday, they did it again."
"I could not find them on Wednesday or today."
Marking, for obvious reasons...
...of Ulm.
"I had a dog that had no nose!"
"How did he smell?"
"Terrible!"
FUNNY.
"Why a Dalek?"
Why no a chicken?
Here's one I always liked-
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your Duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm quite sure. The duck is dead," he replied. How can you be so sure," she protested.
"I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes turned around and left the room and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, looked at the bill. "$150!", she cried.. $150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry." "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan. It's now $150."
ping
Gestapo Officer: We'll let you know. * gunshot *
So, these three guys walk into a bar.
"Ow!"
"Ow!"
"Ow!"
You'd think the third one would have noticed.
Keep 'em coming. Most of these are great; and new to me.
I'm DYIN' heah! Heehee (thud).
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