Teens new obsession: self abuse

financial express ^ | 6/5/06 | ap

[GSlob]

"First of all, we do not whow whether they abuse themselves or not, and if yes, then in what form. "
Huh? Cutting and burning yourself is NOT abuse? I don't know about you, but it sure isn't NORMAL for me and dare I say ANYONE else!"
Secondly, we do not know the level of the stress they are/have been/ experiencing. One could argue that the level of stress is [in most cases] not high enough to cause "snapping"
The text in bold was about the stressed FReepers from your prior message. You either did not understand [IQ problems] or chose not to understand [more problems, but at different level]. And yes, stress relief can include self-mutilation. Not that it should. Give the people non-destructive, effective [preferably long action], easily available means of stress release - and they will rename the planet after you.

[dasboot]

Give the people non-destructive, effective [preferably long action], easily available means of stress release - and they will rename the planet after you.

I don't think you can give it. Success is the relief; achievement brings success; work brings achievement; necessity is the mother's milk of work.

I think toil should be allowed. Demanded.

Case study: me.

When I was ten, a local fisherman asked me if I would like to learn to fish.

I was a fatherless, wayfaring brat on the waterfront, headed for trouble.

The fisherman handed me a scraper and a package of sandpaper.

"Sand my boat for painting, and I'll take you fishing."

He allowed me to toil....or not. Every morning at dawn, I was sanding that boat. I got really good at prep. Busted my knuckles. I went fishing. Learned two trades. I was the happiest kid in the universe. I slept well. I knew what I was going to do every day...for a few years. And that experience set a pattern in my life. I was rescued.

Give that.

[HiTech RedNeck]

Do they include things like fingernail biting? If so I could believe the numbers, if not then we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto

[nmh]

"And yes, stress relief can include self-mutilation. Not that it should. Give the people non-destructive, effective [preferably long action], easily available means of stress release - and they will rename the planet after you.
"

I am not about to waste MORE time with you to include SELF MUTILATION as normal for stress relief. It's NOT. It NEVER has been and will continue to be ABNORMAL.

I make it a point to NEVER, EVER neutralize what is ABNORMAL. I suggest you start the long road to recovery and adopt some timeless truisms in your life as well.

Geesh!

[F.J. Mitchell]

Ditto. I thought the kids had finaly got the message and decided that hairy palms and poor eyesight, was preferrable to exposing themselves to the STDs out there these days.

[linda_22003]

Okay, when did the meaning of that term change? :)

[nmh]

I hear ya, relate to your childhood and don't for a moment disagree that the traditional family is more the exception than the rule as it used to be. It's so sad.

It is the root symptoms that you have identified that need to be fixed. Just getting them to stop self mutilation will only have them seek other self destructive ways to vent their hurt and frustration. They're crying out for help and attention while they HATE themselves. They have little if any love in their love - not exactly a self esteem booster.

I admit, it is a struggle out there for adults to work out marital problems, not let them fester or end a marriage. It takes work. Time. Love. It's like a garden. Initially it looks beautiful when first planted. In time weeds come. If you don't unroot each weed, the garden will be taken over by weeds and you might as well dig it up and start again - divorce.

Kids have so much thrown at them at a fast pace. They have very little childhood. It's all in the open and they are encouraged to KNOW IT ALL - especially about sex. I really hate that - just the other day our daughter went to the playground after school ... on the way home she's asking me to correlate the proper names for genitalia with silly names shes given those parts because kids at the playground were discussing it while playing together. She just turned 7 years OLD!

She doesn't want to know about the act but she wanted to understand what they were talking about - these are others of her age or YOUNGER. I was watching them. Nothing was going on but I didn't hear what they were saying. They just looked like they were having a good time talking and laughing. It pisses me off to have to get into some of that at such a tender age. One question leads to another. Mind you she just turned 7 years old! I now have to stay within ear shot to HEAR what they're saying. Geesh!

It's fast, uncaring and me oriented out there. Sex is all over the place. It's a struggle for good parents, and we are good parents, to let her have a childhood while not having her turn into a sex crazed 40 year old hooker over night. A lot of kids walk around like that - and don't know what they are doing ... then there's mom setting the example - not enough attention at home and on and on it goes.

"I grew up in a world where one girl in my graduating class got pregnant before we graduated, not 10% of the 15 year olds having had their first child. Where oral sex was still defined as sex, and smoking and drugs were the things you fought against peer pressure. This is a world where 25 year old Mexicans make sport of trying to collect as many babies as possible from 13 and 14 year olds."

While I lived in a lily white neighborhood, our high school graduating class of 1200 PLUS had only ONE pregnancy. We lived in the burbs where drugs were plentiful but still most parents didn't both work. Then again abortion was still ILLEGAL.

We did have "special auditoriums" so that dogs could come in and sniff lockers - always unannounced. Still it's mild compared to today and TV was tame. Again, it's crazy out there and without TWO OPPOSITE sex parents really involved with their kids - disaster will strike and is striking with a vengeance.

[absolootezer0]

Huh? Cutting and burning yourself is NOT abuse? I don't know about you, but it sure isn't NORMAL for me and dare I say ANYONE else!

often it isn't. when i was in school kids were having their "manly" contests. aside from schoolground fights, there were the friendly games. most were constests to see who could take the most pain, and ended in bloody knuckles one way or another. some of them resulted in burning or cutting tho. if my friends were asked in high school if they'd ever injured themselves intentionally, (had we told the truth) most of us would have answered yes.
those games now involve razors. big deal, most of the cutters i know don't truly enjoy it, but they either like the attention, or do it to prove themselves to their friends.
also, the "affliction" can be a benefit. i know one "burner" who's chosen his carreer based on his "affliction." he's a cook. doesn't ever have to burn himself intentionally anymore, he does it enough accidentally. but where other people would whine and want to go home, he just smiles, treats it, and keeps working.

[nmh]

Yeah some kids did that for club membership to prove their "manliness" or to be "blood brothers". It was a one time ritual. Of course that was stupid but kids today are doing it for self hatred reasons. There's a difference.

[Kokojmudd]

Typically American psycho-liberal trend. You can't turn on a teenage tv show without seeing this crap. I doubt there is any cutting going on in places like the Sudan, unless it is done by somebody else's machete.

[NotJustAnotherPrettyFace]

Pretty hard to supervise when your student is away at college.

[Philistone]

I actually experienced a case a few years back when I was teaching. Had a very attractive, bright, engaging, hard-working Freshman girl in a spring semester course, then had her again in another course in the fall. Over the summer she had gained 40 pounds, no longer washed her hair, wore baggy clothes and, I noticed, had begun "cutting" herself.

I immediately informed the staff psychologist who told me that the girl had "had an unfortunate romantic encounter over the summer."

Now the normal response when someone treats you badly is to get angry AT THEM! Unfortunately, today in the land of tolerance, multi-culti, "why can't we all just get along" you are supposed to feel that somehow it is YOUR FAULT that someone else treated you badly.

Insanity.

[HIDEK6]

Kids today are really stressed. Its hard to believe it.

That's because they can't have any fun.

What with the anti-smoking crusade, the supervised play bureacracy, the restrictions on driving, not being able to get a decent part-time job because of the minimum wage idiocy, and all that, they don't get to have near the fun that we did.

[dalight]

It is the root symptoms that you have identified that need to be fixed. Just getting them to stop self mutilation will only have them seek other self destructive ways to vent their hurt and frustration. They're crying out for help and attention while they HATE themselves. They have little if any love in their love - not exactly a self esteem booster.

Wow...you said a mouthful. Still, this is why you have to get at the roots. The roots are in the parents relationship with their kids. Making real time, really listening, giving the kid the tools to speak out and say painful things and dealing with these things in the open. This sounds cliche, but its harder than pounding nails with your fist. Because, often at this point, the communications channel is poisoned. The distance and the hurts so hard that getting that trust is a real challenge for parents and children.

More so, finding what to say, when to say it, what to do and when to do it.. these are not easy. The POP psychology and the professionals out there are at best a 50/50 proposition. As likely to make things worse than better. Church is more powerful, but with a young adult, getting them to turn that direction is more than problematic. Something you can lead them to by going yourself with them and sharing, its possible.

[dalight]

The best schools today are run by Nazi's. The rules abound but at least there is order. Still, these places are stifling. I couldn't imagine going to public school today even though I really enjoyed school when I was growing up. Almost everything we "did" would have gotten us in trouble today if the administrators could keep on top of it.. but in reality, the administrators have no more ability to keep on top of it.. so what happens is more akin to a prison.

The inmates try to keep everything on the down low. Trouble comes in eruptions and anything that is even mildly controversial brings the police on site. This means that more often than not, what used to be a stern talking or a suspension, is now accompanied by formal charges and court dates.

Thats why the kids are stressing.

[dalight]

Eventually its to late and they have to make their own way.

This is when you end up praying and praying. And, wishing you did more when you could have.

[HIDEK6]

That's what I was trying to say.

What were harmless pranks in our day are looked upon as hanging offenses by the ignorant, cowardly dipshits that are running the schools these days.

No wonder the kids are stressed since they can't have any fun anymore.

[technochick99]

Emotional pain and disorders hit everyone. My sympathies...

[BossLady]

Sheesh.......what happened to the good ol' days of binge drinking and drugging, promiscuous sex and anorexia??? :o

[technochick99]

Arf arf arf, I deal with these kids...several a week! Pardon my bad attitude.

Could you explain that a little more?