Sex and Marriage in the City?

Townhall ^ | 3.20.2006 | Jennifer Roback Morse

[wagglebee]

Maybe you should start going to a Catholic church, we may have a better selection than the Lutherans! :-)

[HitmanLV]

From an early age, I've felt a strong conviction that the solo, galavanting "Don Juan" life was not for me. It feels incomplete, unfulfilled and exceedingly transient.

I can understand that, but I never advocated that (well, not on this thread). If you limit the choice between a stable, married life and a galavanting Don Juan life, then you have a point. The thing is, there is a range of options between those two choices, and indeed outside of those two choices. So when you limit the choices between just those two, you are needlessly limiting yourself.

God saw that Adam's loneliness was not good, and so after Adam had completed his divinely ordained zoology assignment, God granted him what he really needed most: a suitable partner to help him fully realize his humanity. Gotta love that!

I basically agree, but that doesn't have much to do with what I said. You find a suitable partner now, or 10 years from now, what's the big deal? And have fun and companionship along the way - all the while open to marriage and going that route when you meet a simpatico woman.

You might also want to stick closer to scripture. My favorite translation for the companion God made for man hasn't much to do with being 'a suitable partner to help him fully realize his humanity' but rather God created 'a helpmate who opposes him.'

Yea, that pretty much describes the most memorable women of my life! I'd have it no other way! Haha! ;-)

[wagglebee]

You might be right, if you're in your 30's most Catholic women your age have at least four kids by now!

[exdem2000]

Great advice

[HitmanLV]

If he is in his 30s or 40s, he should consider meeting women in their mid-20s who aren't encumbered by children. He isn't limited to women his own age in any way.

[JamesP81]

If you have a very close friend of the opposite sex, it is very likely that the two of you share the values that important to a marriage. It is very common for best friends to marry and they tend to have long-term, successful marriages.

My best friends are all men. That's not a bad thing, they are like brothers to me, which is a big deal since I'm an only child and never had brothers to grow up with. There's literally nothing in this world I wouldn't do for them.

I don't really have any lady friends that close, however. The only one that comes to mind I think wouldn't be a good choice, for a number of reasons, but don't think it hasn't occurred to me a couple of times.

[wagglebee]

You're right, he shouldn't worry about age.

Acting "lost" in a grocery store works pretty well.

[HitmanLV]

Age isn't a big deal if you keep it within reason, I agree with you.

You should see the grocery stores here in Las Vegas - if a fella wants fairly shallow sex with a well built divorcee type of woman, that's the place to go. They act like they are the ones who are lost!

I love my town! ;-)

[HitmanLV]

Thanks. I think a lot of people try to turn relatively simple things into more complicated things in the name of sophistication.

Not a good way to go, I say.

[HitmanLV]

Friends turning romantic isn't that common as you think. I think a person is better off engaging in a romance with a fresh face rather than one who has been around for a while in a non-romantic context.

I will go out on a limb and say that it's basically up to the woman: if she is open to it becoming romantic, there is a good chance of that being cultivated. If she isn't, a lot of times a male friends sudden gesture in a romantic direction is greeted with the enthusiasm of a hand grenade being tossed through a nearby window.

It's bogus, I agree, but basically true.

[HitmanLV]

PS - the FR spell checker suggested 'necromantic' for 'nonromantic' in my prior post! Tread carefully! :-)

[exdem2000]

Hope he takes your advice, your posts were well written.

[Kaylee Frye]

You make it seem like a rocket launch. Life is full of uncertainty and difficulty. The point is finding someone to be in the fox-hole with you who is willing to put the same amount of effort into life as you are.

I haven't been married long (just 2 years), but I think it's stupid to wait forever to get married because of some perceived "maturity issue" or because of money or success. My husband was 24 and I was 22 when we got married. He hadn't graduated college yet. We had already been dating for almost 5 years - should we have waited? Should I have sat behind in NC while he moved all over the country with the Army, just because he wasn't "successful" yet and because he wasn't in his 30s?

I also beg to differ with your third point. We have no kids yet and won't for many years. We spent a lot more money when we were dating (proportional to income) than we do now. Having a partner has taught us both a lot about money and has made us both more conscious of our spending as something that should better both of us.

[HitmanLV]

Thank you. I just think its common sense, I can't take credit for it. :-)

[RHINO369]

I don't think most men are anywhere near ready to get married til their late 20's. The chances of young marriages succeeding are worse than if you wait, so I think the best way to go about it is if you find a perfect girl just keep dating her. You don't have to go out and date alot of people, if you find the perfect girl, then she'll still be the perfect girl in 5 years right? Just make sure you know how to end a relationship if its not working. Better to lose a 4 year long girlfriend than the split up a 3 year marriage with small kids. Plus if she isn't going to wait a couple years to get married, it means shes much more interested in being married than being married to you.

[Kaylee Frye]

But at the same time, if you meet your life partner fresh out of high school, should you wait over 10 years to get married? Waiting that long forms awkward habits into a relationship and a lack of commitment that could potentially hurt a marriage. Also, if you're committed to no sex before marriage - 10 years can be an eternity. Some of us just know when we've found the right person and why should we have to wait because someone else says we're too young?

Plus if she isn't going to wait a couple years to get married, it means shes much more interested in being married than being married to you.

Maybe she's just interested in moving on with her life and wondering how long she'll have to wait for you to grow up and become an adult.

[TexanToTheCore]

It is fairly common and pastors who counsel soon to be marrieds love to see this happen, cause they know that the marriage will weather the inevitable storms.

[TexanToTheCore]

I think one year of dating and one year of engagement is just about perfect. And yes, too long a dating period may inspire one partner to move on with their life.

One is never ready to get marrried.

One is never ready to have children.

Any claims to the contrary are pure claptrap.

[HitmanLV]

I don;t think its very common at all - completely platonic friends for years transition to romance? I don't buy it.