Posted on 10/11/2005 6:31:45 PM PDT by WarEagle
Depends on how selfish each spouse is. Time away from my ex=wife coaching my boys in sports was time away from her. She was so self-centered, the reason didn't matter to her.
What I see in this article, where the children of divorce felt children were not at the center of their family, was that it was "adults first" in a negative way (rather than the positive you depict). I've observed adult relatives who divorced put their own needs and desires first -- leading to divorce -- and in that sense children *should* be at the center of a family.
Oh, yes....and I just love it when a couple divorces but says...."We're still friends." Well, if you're "still friends" STAY MARRIED! For the kids!
It takes two to make a baby, Sham. Don't put the onus on the woman alone. What is wrong is sex without already having a real commitment to each other, honed from coming to know each other over a decent period of time. That is the wrong decision, not whether or not to have the child so conceived.
Actually I feel most of the "detritus" so to speak comes from people who are incapable of handling delayed gratification. Children mean sacrifices, for years. They mean joy also but the sacrifices are very real for all involved. When people grow up in a society where instant gratification is rife, the sacrifices are even more difficult.
Why go through the process of courtship and discovery when today you can barely know each other's names and still get her/him in the sack? Then, if a child results, people try to be honorable and marry but they weren't really compatible because the only compatibility they checked for was sexual. Sex in a relationship is important but it can't carry the whole weight of the long-term requirements of parenting.
Add to that the total media focus that life happens from years 20-40 (prime child-rearing years) or at least looking and acting like 20-40, and you have tremendous pressure that leads to resenting the children holding you back from that "ideal" life.
Actually, it doesn't take two to make a baby. It takes a woman who chooses not to take precautions for reasons of her own.
+
My 6 yo dd is still trying to make sense of the divorce of her favorite aunt and uncle. She still cries over the loss of Uncle Michael, asks if he left because he didn't like her, and reminds me to pray for him every night. If this little girl is taking this divorce so hard, my heart breaks for the millions of children whose own parents split up.
Okay. So how does that paternity test work then?
Aint that the truth.
Unless you've lived through it, or rather are living through it, it can't be comprehended nor should it be.
If a young man gets involved sexually with a girl, he'd better know she isn't the desperate type. In other words, harsh as it sounds, blame yourselves.
The FIRST decent thing we can do for children is to give them a married mother and father, IMO. Single parenthood and divorce cause so much pain. I've witnessed enough of it to know.
I know some girls who when they have boyfriends who wont commit or want to step up the relationship will get pregnant on purpose(ie stop taking the birth control pills) so they guy is stuck with her. Of course the guy then marries her but ultimately some of them realize there not compatible and divorce screwing the kids over. If only more people chose to wait until marriage to engage in sexual behavior this problem would be much less severe. When relationships are based heavily on the physical intimacy it leaves very little room to really get to know the other person.
>>>Let me ask you this... Suppose Mom & Dad decide that owning a new boat would make them both incredibly happy, but the costs would leave less money for the kids' education, clothing and activities. Should the parents buy the boat? Should parental happiness always take precedence?>>>
Now who is oversimplifying things? I did not mean "happy" in the sense of personal gratification, I mean "happy" in the content/secure way of being in a solid stable relationship. But you can split hairs and be argumentative just for the sake of it all day. You go ahead and ignore your spouse all for the sake of your children's happiness (and the same can be said for the child wanting a new toy at the expense that can't be afforded, I'm sure you didn't mean it that way no more than I did).
>>>I've observed adult relatives who divorced put their own needs and desires first -- leading to divorce -- and in that sense children *should* be at the center of a family.>>>
I agree! I've seen adults who put going out and partying and sleeping around above spending time with their kids. Or put ANYTHING above spending time with their kids, that is obviously not what I meant.
OK, too extreme - 40 lashes with a wet noodle and thrown in the dust bin of history.
I also graduated HS in 1977, and there were times that I thought I was weird because I was one of the few kids who didn't have braces or live in a divorced household.
Indeed!
What about the man? Is he immune to the responsibility of taking "precautions"?
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