JON CARROLL: You Believe Anything, Democrats?

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/27/5 | Jon Carroll

[yldstrk]

They are mentally bankrupt old socialists who will go down sptting in our faces.

[Reaganesque]

What the Democrats believe in (Steve Martin from SNL monologue in the 80's):

"What I Believe."

I believe in rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales.

And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his pen*s.

And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments.

And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there's a game on.

And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy.

And I believe it's derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs", "jugs", "winnebagos" or "golden bozos".. and that you should only refer to them as "hooters".

And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.

And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are.

And, people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.

And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment.

And I believe the Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns.

And I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice.

And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the music you're listening to right now. That's what I believe.

[NRA1995]

Almost had me thinking this guy Carroll had a brain till I read:

In the last election, when the Swift Boat Veterans for I'm-With-Stupid started their well-financed reputation-smashing campaign, the Democrats should have appointed one politician as Authorized Bull Catcher.

[Dark Skies]

I mean, dead citizens in Iraq; tortured Muslims at Guantanamo; AIDS epidemic in Africa; ice caps melting and fish dying pretty much everywhere.

These are the important issues to the Democrats.

You'll never hear about the dead Americans of 9/11 unless it is somehow interwoven with a statement of how U.S. policies in the middle east caused those deaths.

[zip]

Their beliefs:
Bush bad,
God bad,
America bad.

Sraight to the point. Thanks. (BTW, you know that I am going to steal this)

[manwiththehands]

They also believe in looting the White House on their last day in office ... and removing all the "W" keys on keyboards. :)

[CIB-173RDABN]

Don't forget these...

The right-wing attack machine knows no shame. It will slime war veterans like John Kerry. It will slime badly injured war veterans like Max Cleland. It'll slime grieving mothers like Cindy Sheehan.

Evidently to a Liberal, if you claim to be a war hero, it is an "attack" to produce proof that shows otherwise.

To a Liberal, a slightly delusional woman becomes their spokes person, and it is an "attack" to point out her delusions.

Jon old friend, if you can not see the difference, then you and your pals in the Democrat party will soon fade into history with the other failed polictical parties.

[bubman]

"Sliming a war veteran?"

This logic is why even democratic critics have it all wrong!

There was no sliming JFK. The record is what it is. He could have put an end to the Swifboat Vets by unsealing all his records. Period

This guy Carroll is a putz

[LexBaird]

Poverty was not a secret before Hurricane Katrina hit. The plight of inner-city African Americans was not a secret before the storm hit. If Democrats had wanted an issue, that was always there.

Bring it on, Carroll. Then we can point out how the poverty in Nawlins was endemic because of generations of Landrieus and Nagins in control.

Meanwhile, the candidates would insist on talking about poverty and racial justice and the benefits of peace over war. (In peace: less killing. You'd think that would be a selling point.)

Hmm. Peacetime 9/11 attack: <3000 U.S. dead. War in Iraq: >2000 dead in 3 years, despite constant attack. And what exactly is "racial justice"? Codeword for payola to decendants of slaves?

The right-wing attack machine knows no shame. It will slime war veterans like John Kerry. It will slime badly injured war veterans like Max Cleland. It'll slime grieving mothers like Cindy Sheehan. It's not a fight the Democrats can win; it's not a fight that any decent person could win. Solution: Get out of the fight. Takes two to have a shouting match.

Translation: even the Dem's lowlife attack animals are getting their butts kicked, despite the syncophantcy of Dan Rather, John Carroll, and their MSM compatriots.

And, at the risk of alienating my base and some of my relatives -- I don't think gay marriage is that important an issue. I mean, dead citizens in Iraq;

Do you mean the ones Saddam used WMDs on, or the ones killed by Zarqawi's Al Queda, whom you wish to abandon the country to?

...tortured Muslims at Guantanamo;

Bald faced lie. Produce them, Mr. Carroll.

...AIDS epidemic in Africa;

Which Bush has done more to fight than any African or European leader has. Or Democrat.

...ice caps melting and

And Kerry could do something about this?

... fish dying pretty much everywhere.

Well, at least there is plenty of fishwrap available.

[NeoCaveman]

January 19-20, 2001.

Too bad "new tone" Bush downplayed it.

[TruthShallSetYouFree]

I recall George Stephanopolous saying that "Bill Clinton has kept all the promises he intended to keep."

[WmCraven_Wk]

Sorry, but I don't buy the "Democrats stand for a vision to be named later." tag line. I think, and history will bare this out, that Democrats have a clear vision of socialist utopia that they are trying to inflict on the unsuspecting masses. The big problem is that they will not usually admit to it and this covert subversion makes it tough to nail them down on it.
It is generally true that when one side of an argument is honest and the other is deceitful, deceit usually wins.

[Kenny Bunk]

When the Clinton team left the White House, all of the above, and a lot more occurred. Not only were many objects stolen, the rooms were severely trashed. "Severely Trashed," includes the leaving behind of much organic matter of the type used to grow vegetables in Japan. Spray-painting scatological remarks on the walls, etc. ad nauseam. Wonder why this never got much coverage.

The WH Computer system (MAC-based for the Clintons) was also ripped off and rendered inoperable, especially in regard to the removal of hard drives.

Ya gotta remember, this is the same crowd that decorated their first WH Christmas Tree with sex toys and pornographic ornaments.

Be not surprised. We think the left is weird and let it go at that. The left hates, HATES us.

[cuz_it_aint_their_money]

It'll slime grieving mothers like Cindy Sheehan.

The "witch in the ditch" slimes herself every time she opens her mouth!

[Barb4Bush]

Maybe he didn't mean defecate literally. Maybe he just meant some other bodily fluids that Clinton let fly in the Oval office.

[SmithL]

Well OK. Just take care of it. And if you get tired of it, just send it back.

[GianniV]

Good point - there is a whole sick and twisted movement to prove that Abraham Lincoln was gay. Do these people have too much time on their hands or what?

[wbill]

I agree with the author, but probably for completely different reasons.

The country suffers when one party is far, far weaker than the other. Two strong parties force reasoned debate.

The Dems need to come up with something other than 'Bush is Stupid'. Both Kerry and Gore ran on it, and got hosed. President Bush won't be available to kick around in 2008. Besides, 'Bush=stupid' isn't a platform, it's not even a philosophy. It's just an opinion, and an inaccurate one at that. :-)