Posted on 08/02/2005 8:54:52 AM PDT by MinorityRepublican
After at least five years of media hype warning that a tectonic societal shift was slowly taking place, it has hit home. Millions of parents who used to worry vaguely about what they'd do when their kids fled the nest are now fretting about the opposite: how to get them to leave.
An estimated 18 million fledgling adults are now out of college but not out on their own. Parental nests are packed with offspring whose costly college educations so far have not equipped them to assume the traditional markers of adulthood: moving out on their own, finding jobs good enough to support themselves and, down the line, establishing their own families.
Reasons for their return
Social scientists have blamed this "boomerang" syndrome on a variety of economic factors: a tight job market, low salaries for entry-level jobs and the high cost of rent and large student-loan debts, making it difficult for many to afford independent living soon after graduation. The trouble is, many parents would like independence from their kids. Many have retired or plan to retire, want to scale down, or want to use what funds they have for their own selfish pleasures after years of putting their children first.
The situation has grown so pervasive not just in the United States — where 25 percent of Americans between 18 and 34 now live with parents, according to the 2000 U.S. census, the most recent available — but also in England and Canada, that marketers have begun targeting families who live with these boomerang kids, and social-service groups have begun advising on how to handle the situation.
DaimlerChrysler autoworkers, for example, received advice on the subject in the April issue of their union magazine, Life, Work & Family. The advice: Meet in neutral territory to discuss the kids' return before they come back home. Set up house rules, including a contract that deals with schedules and expectations.
A Florida newspaper columnist has asked in print (perhaps in jest) that the IRS offer a tax credit to parents whose grown kids have come home to mooch, er, live.
Life stages realigned
Author Gail Sheehy nailed this trend a decade ago in her book "New Passages," in which she realigned the life stages, adding whole new bonus decades based on changing societal norms and increasing longevity. Adolescence and partial dependence on family now linger until the late 20s, she wrote. True adulthood doesn't begin until 30.
In her new alignment, 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the start of a whole new life because by then many children have fled the nest, and their parents can begin to explore new options.
But that last part hasn't exactly worked out the way Sheehy predicted for those whose grown kids have returned.
Harriet Pollon of Malibu, Calif., has witnessed the transition from her vantage point as a long-ago college grad, then mother and teacher. She graduated from Boston University in 1964 and, she says, nothing could have persuaded her to go home afterward. "It just wasn't done in those days."
"I was shocked"
Pollon has four children, three of whom came home to live with her after their college graduations. One stayed for a year. "I thought, 'How convenient.' He's an adult who drives, and I still had a daughter in elementary school, so he could help drive her. I also thought it was not unreasonable to ask him to occasionally baby-sit. He was shocked. It was out of the question, he said. It would interfere with his social life. He refused. And I was shocked."
She tried, but she simply couldn't tune them out, she says, because they are, after all, still her children. "You don't want to be a bad parent, so you get sort of trapped into it."
Serious class difference
Elina Furman, 32, who wrote a book on the subject titled "Boomerang Nation," now lives with a boyfriend in New York after living with her mother and sister for nine years after college. From her interviews with twentysomethings, she says she saw a "serious class difference" in how people reacted to moving home.
"A lot of kids moving into big houses had a sense that 'this is so much better than I could ever get anywhere else.' Some had hot tubs, cars, a lot of privacy." In a small house or apartment, she says, the grown children may share TV time and almost everything else with their parents — a source of tension.
In either case, stigma is still the main problem that shows up in any review of twentysomething message boards. At the Web site www.quarterlifecrisis.com, which focuses on this age group, posted messages reveal angst but also sweetness, sincerity and poignancy. Someone named Melly writes that she is a Boston University graduate about to turn 25 who has moved back home after getting dumped by her live-in boyfriend. She writes that she felt like "a complete failure in front of the entire extended family."
Not spoiled
Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a professor at the University of Maryland in College Park and author of "Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road From the Late Teens Through the Twenties," says his studies of the generation have shown that they are "not spoiled and self-indulgent. Typically, kids who return home are working very hard. They're not lying around waiting for their parents to order pizza. They're often looking for jobs or employed in jobs that don't pay very well, so they can't live on their own. Many are going to school as well. I definitely don't subscribe to the theory that they're coddled adults."
They are the reason that we are still living in relative safety after 9/11. Many of them joined up after they saw the terrorist attacks took place on tv. We are forever in their debt.
Well, Boomers will retire in huge numbers starting five years from now. Then many ranks will be opened up and new grads will find themselves climbing the ladder quickly.
Or a course in "common sense for the working world" which is available for free at McDonald's and many other companies. I'm now a successful banker making well into 6 figures, but the years I spent at a fast food chain between high school and college -- first as counter help, and later as a shift manager -- served me VERY well.
I personally have problems with the whole premise of automatically pushing a kid out of the house at the age of 18. While it may work for some for others it could be a total disaster that they may never recover from.
Just looking at my pals it is quite evident. I have pals who have been on 'survival mode' since they were 18, after all they had to fend for themselves and thus things like school were put on the backburner. Not that they do not go to college (although a couple dropped), but they had to really get creative with the classes they took and their scheduling, and they took forever to finish. After all having food in one's stomach does take a higher priority spot.
On the other hand there are those who were kept through college. And no, I'm not talking about 'National Lampoon-esque' frat slackers who suck bud and smoke weed. Nope. The good thing is that they have more flexibility, which allows them to dedicate themselves at school. It is far easier to dedicate oneself to studies (and such things as high quality internships) when one does not need to worry about stretching limited funds 'til the next paycheck, or trying to make the proverbial dollar out of 15 cents. End result is far better grades, the ability to take high quality internships (since there is no adverse trade-off between opting for an internship over a paid job), and consequently come time for looking for employment they were more 'attractive' to employers than the other bunch.
Obviously there were exceptions, for example this bud of mine from Bulgaria who worked like crazy pushing insane hours at a pizza palour. However even he was partially subsidized, and not only that but he managed to squeeze some time to nab a good internship. But virtually all of my friends can be divided between the two groups, and the jobs they have now are quite interesting. There is a clear and perfect demarcation between the two groups.
Anyways, in essence I think there is a balance to everything. Obviously living with your folks when you are in your mid 30s is anathema, HOWEVER at the same time the whole 'out by 18' spiel can be crippling as well. Obviously not for everyone, since there are many people who were pushed out (even at 16) who went on to become great, but as a universal standard (which some people take it as) it can be quite detrimental. But hey, different strokes for different folk.
I'm not sure I see your point. Unless you're going into the military straight out of high school or have some sort of long-term job lined up (say, on the family farm or as a trucker) I don't really see why you would hold off on college.
An estimated 18 million fledgling adults are now out of college but not out on their own. Parental nests are packed with offspring whose costly college educations so far have not equipped them to assume the traditional markers of adulthood
Take out the piercings, take a bath, get a haircut and get a job.
think one thing this article fails to mention is the selfish, superficial nature of the current generation, with their overly inflated sense of entitlement - especially the girl
Funny thing at the W victory party in Nov I spent my time talking to the 20 somethings. Guess what. Not one fit your description so maybe the partents have something to do with the it?
I'm glad to see that not everyone sees ALL of Gen X/Gen Y as being lazy sluggards.
I think you're right. One thing that I cannot understand is the idea that every sixteen year old gets a license and, of course, his or her own car. And I don't mean a junker, either. If you drive around high schools in some areas, you will see nice imports, SUVs, etc., most that I've seen are about 2 to 3 years old. A 2 year old Accord is probably the minimum standard.
"When the Boomers got out of school, even the most drug addled and lethargic had jobs literally thrown at them."
The Baby-Boom Generation was born between 1946 and 1964, and the peak birth years were 1957 to 1961. Most of them reached adulthood and first entered the job market during the 1970's and early 1980's which, I can assure you, was no economic Golden Era: four recessions (1969-70, 1973-75, 1980, 1981-82), double-digit inflation and interest rates during the late 1970's, and falling real wages and stock prices throughout that period.
Those numbers are easy to believe. the problem is that the age range is laugable. 18-34??? What the hell does an 18 year old have in common with a 34 year old? I'll guarantee that the 18-20 year olds are skewing the hell out of this statistic.
Man you've got to be kidding. Rent on $150k houses is in the $1300-$1400 range in Dallas.
That's true. There's not many 18 year olds on their own.
Not to mention, by being a "baby boom", there was a surplus of workers all around the same age. There was also more women working than in the past. The job market isn't as bad as it is often portrayed.
My problem is, I don't get any tax benefits from an IRA. I max out my 401(k) instead.
The government needs to raise the limit for 401(k) contributions. Heck, make it unlimited.
The problem with that mindset is that it fails to take into consideration that any degree is of some value. A great many jobs out there are just looking for anyone with a bachelors degree. A recent Forbes (I think) article had some shocking statistics about people working professionally outside of their degreed fields.
Can you find a link to that article? Thanks.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.