Department of Wellness (Kerry wants to create it!)

41 posted on 09/09/2004 12:24:16 PM PDT by wisconsinconservative ("The penalty good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.")

I'll bet you odds that the DOD would kick the crap out of the DOW & DOP

42 posted on 09/09/2004 2:28:12 PM PDT by Hayzo

43 posted on 09/09/2004 2:42:54 PM PDT by dennisw (Allah FUBAR!)

RE: SEC'T OF WELLNESS [Stanley Kurtz]
Having received your many nominations for Secretary of Wellness, I now have some sense of just how difficult the job of president must be. With so many well qualified candidates, the choice is next to impossible. Nonetheless, the overwhelming favorite is clear. Corner readers want Richard Simmons to be the first Secretary of Wellness. Oprah and Dr. Phil are runners up, as is Arnold, in the event that president Kerry wishes to make a bipartisan gesture. There are many honorable mentions. Among politicians, president Clinton, Howard Dean, Ted Kennedy and Dennis Kucinich received a couple of votes apiece (Kucinich mentioned because of his disappointed hopes in a Department of Peace). Mayor Bloomberg got a vote, but so did Mayor McCheese. Stuart Smalley, Shirley McLaine, and Deepak Chopra have fans. But my favorite suggestion came from Jed Babbin, who put forward the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, noting that in his case, whether he was dead or alive was irrelevant.
Posted at 01:35 PM

44 posted on 09/09/2004 2:44:51 PM PDT by dennisw (Allah FUBAR!)

Kerry might also create a Department of Crystal Revisionists. Oh wait, he should appoint "Sister Cleo" as his personal spiritual advisor.

45 posted on 09/09/2004 3:13:20 PM PDT by No Surrender No Retreat (These Colors Never Run( 7.62) "See Ya"ll At The VA Clinic" "Xin Loi My Boy")

LOL!

But they'd wipe the DOD out in a Brie-Chablis-Cuddling party!

46 posted on 09/09/2004 4:54:14 PM PDT by 7.62 x 51mm (• Veni • Vidi • Vino • Visa • "I came, I saw, I drank wine, I shopped")

To: Cableguy; CaptRon; Alia; gov_bean_ counter; Chummy; Righter-than-Rush; Fiddlstix; Mr. Jeeves; ...

Got this in an email and know everyone will appreciate it:

AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES CONGRESS

May 23, 2005

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by President John Kerry shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Kerry, a longtime AWNAA supporter. "This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing", said Kerry.

President Kerry has set an example, personally selecting hundreds of Nonabled people for top government positions, including many cabinet-level jobs. Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusionary sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and "Are you awake?"

"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of compliance with basic job skills.

"This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Kerry, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

47 posted on 09/09/2004 5:02:58 PM PDT by demkicker

Yes..(grin).. The Wellness Institute meets reality. Thank you, very much!

48 posted on 09/09/2004 5:43:28 PM PDT by Alia

You know what this "wellness" is all about, don't you?

It's a ripoff, by Donovan: "Atlantis". C'mon now, join in... and sing with me, Teresa =style"...

49 posted on 09/09/2004 5:52:14 PM PDT by Alia

Um.. it's about "Being there", ya know.... Chauncey, oh dear Chauncey...

50 posted on 09/09/2004 5:53:25 PM PDT by Alia

Department of Wellness (Kerry wants to create it!)

Yeah, so that the tax dollars of us peons will help get his first (and maybe
still) wife help for her depression?

Heck, if I'd stood next to Kerry that would be enough to depress me.

51 posted on 09/09/2004 5:55:15 PM PDT by VOA

52 posted on 09/09/2004 6:53:15 PM PDT by Mike Bates (Yes, there's still time to buy my book.)

When I saw the title of this thread I immediately thought of that old Monty Python skit about The Ministry of Silly Walks.

53 posted on 09/09/2004 6:57:31 PM PDT by YankeeReb

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794