RIP, Mother

I have just nodded in to see if the wonderful words of your thoughts are written yet for us to read.

I miss the occasional relaxing moments when I can see what you have collected for us to think on and to comprehend.

I rarely see or hear or read the messages of the media - without thinking on your wisdom.

Come back soon traveller - and share more with us.

Trouble

God bless you, and sustain you.

My mother is three years gone this week. I miss her every single day.

My prayers are with you in these difficult days, and the time ahead.

You have my prayers because I am where you were--caring for a dear mother who no longer remembers who I am.

I know the feelings of guilt; when I'm tired I sometimes wonder how much longer this will continue. But the other 99% of the time, as confining and tiring as it is, I dread the day that it will end.

I don't even want to comprehend what you are feeling right now. My prayers go out to you. I lost my father very young and am extremely close with my mother..she is a best friend.

Thank you for telling us about your mom and may the Lord hold her close and fill your heart with peace. Give your wife a hug for standing closely by you during this sad ordeal. God bless.

God comfort you in your time of loss...

I used Hospice extensively when my Dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. Dad was given three months to live when diagnosed; but they didn't know my Dad, he was one tough bugger... Hospice hung with my family the entire 2.5 years of Dad's illness. They were a godsend; and to this day I believe they are modern day angels in an everyday world...

Dad passed away 15 years ago; he had just turned 56; I was 34. I miss him very much, even to this day. I'll never forget the support and love my family received from Hospice.

Tonight your loved one rests with God. Take comfort in that, and remember the good times you had; relish them, and pass them on.

A fine cybermemorial.

My condolences on your loss.

This is what I e-mailed my Aunt in Texas, the gist of what I said at Mother's funeral:

But it was right to grieve more so during these past 5 years than now. When the pastor visited Friday evening before the service Saturday, I told him I could probably say something. He didn't understand it for the understatement that it proved to be. There was a viewing at 1pm and the service was at 2pm on Saturday. It was held in my brother's house because they have a spacious family room contiguous with the kitchen and dining room.
We had brought a number of photos of Mother, including one taken at our wedding back in 1969. Nice enlarged color photo of Mother and Dad. And other photos, one of mother at the beach taken about 1960 or so, various black-and-white photos from old times including a group photo "down home" which included Granddad and grandmother, Juanita and Bill as well as Mother and Dad and Bob and me as preschoolers.
Two of the photos were recent - the most recent, a group photo of my daughter's family including Mother and her baby great granddaughter. It was only taken 2 months ago, and Mother was completely detached from the situation, just standing there because she had been told to. The other was taken 5 years ago of Mother holding her other great granddaughter, and smiling. The difference told the tale of what the time had done to Mother.
Those photos were spread out on the island in the kitchen, facing the dining room, and people appreciated them. It also included a copy of the obituary as it ran in the local paper.
I called a family friend who lived with the folks for a couple of years and drove my brother to the school in Philadelphia. Bill was an usher at my wedding (I had been one at his), and he came to Dad's funeral and said something at the time that was helpful to me. So I called his house Friday nite - he lives near Washington DC - and he elected to drive up to Philadelphia for the viewing and service. Bringing his youngest daughter, still in High School, with him. It was a delight to see Bill after all these years.
A large contingent of family was there.
I went to one of the neighbors who had known Mother and Dad from the time they moved there, and she told me that Dad had given her the recipe for his pickled zucchini, and she had lost track of it but found it in her box when looking for something else. Said she liked it so much that when a club she belonged to made up a recipe book her contribution to it was "Tully's Pickles." When she came to the viewing I told her I thought he had gotten it from someone at work. Dad told it that he was talking about his zucchini crop from his NJ garden, and a fellow told him that "You can make pickles out of zucchini. In fact, they're better than cucumber pickles." Dad said he asked why they were better and the man replied, "Because they're Italian!
In the funeral service the minister called on me to speak and I talked about the fact that such a great deal of Mother's knowledge and memory was already gone when we realized something was wrong there in Oklahoma. And that some of it showed up and we hadn't understood it, even years before. [We had seen it, and been unwilling to see it, 5 years or so before we finally tumbled to the situation.] And since then the rest just gradually faded out. So that we lost her even while it seemed we had her, and couldn't properly mourn because she was still here, sort of. But I explained that people who had only known her in recent years really didn't know the real person.
And that actually I had the same problem; I have to forget the recent past to actually remember my Mother. Because to remember her as she became in the recent past is actually a fraud, entirely unfair to her memory. And I just had to stand up and say that.
And I told how I had reacted in the Florist shop when the florist asked if we wanted a banner to say something like "Beloved Mother." And at that moment I knew that I only wanted the single word, "Mother." Because you really can't add to that with other words. (Any more, I recalled later, than you can add to "unique" by saying "extremely unique" - "etremely" makes a relative term like "hot" stronger, but "extremely unique" actually indicates that you don't mean absolutely unique). So adding a modifier to "Mother" is less than the single word itself. You can't say more than "Mother."
After the service as I was walking to the car to drive the short distance to the cemetery next to the church, I mentioned to the minister that I had intended to say that Mother would have been proud of the fact that her hair was the natural color of he youth - and that when she was 85 years old she was mistaken for her son's wife. The minister replied, "You've forgiven me, then?" I had forgotten that he had made that mistake too. I had reference to someone here in NY.
A moment later a tall man with blond hair came out of the house, and for a moment I was thinking it was the minister but I really knew he was taller. And he spoke to me and I knew it was Doctor S! Mother thought so very highly of him, it was wonderful that he and his wife came to pay their respects. My brother coached their kids in basketball . . .