Everyone here is either insane or bored, or insanely bored.
Licorice Speaks (as channeled by John Edwards):
After the first five seconds, I was okay. After another five seconds I sensed I was wet and headed for trouble. After another five seconds I thought "I'm not doing well here." After another 20 seconds, my eyes got REALLY BIG and I thought 'whoa! I'm going to be eaten by this huge ugly bunny with big buck teeth!' But then he started to pump my chest and breathed into my mouth. Ay carramba! Hey coulda used some Scope! Well, needless to say, I survived so I could continue to be terrorized by this clumsy chick who should have known better than to take a hamster to a dock. What the hell was she thinking anyway? Why can't parents be more judicious when putting our welfare in the hands of children?
That's why I sued the operators of the dock, the builders of the dock, the manufacturers of my shoebox, the Kerry children as well as that big ugly bunny who tried to save my life. After that experience, there's no way I'm ever going to live a normal life and I deserve to be compensated to the tune of $4.8 million dollars of which my attorney will receive $3.2 million of it. Any questions should be directed to my attorney, Mr. Edwards.
And don't you just KNOW that poor Licorice had to go through this harrowing experience TWICE! The original and the 8 mm-filmed re-enactment.......
"Aaaaannndddd ACTION!!!"
Kerry's daughter is mistaken. He didn't give the hamster CPR. What really happened is Kerry was on LSD, hallucinated that the hamster was John Edwards and was trying to make out with it.
John eFing Hamster kissing bump!
bttt