Answer, but No Cure, for a Social Disorder That Isolates Many

NY Times ^ | April 29, 2004 | AMY HARMON

[tiamat]

I'm glad your son is happy and it is good that he isn't picked on.

(It's the picking on part that makes me cry)

He sounds REALLY REALLY bright!

[AntiGuv]

How can a mild form really be a diagnosis?

Well, in part because "mild" is my own relative term which means to convey "high functioning" which is the correct medical term..

I think it could be risky to put labels on what is really within normal behavior --- asocial tendencies --- where someone is happy without friends isn't an illness.

We are not talking about introversion here. People with Asperger's are measurably and demonstrably incapable of processing social cues. Someone who can process social cues without a conscious thought - whether introverted or not - is not comparable.

True autism would interfere with success...

Asperger's does interfere with success; often severely and to much greater extent than this article indicates. It interferes with success no less surely than do other learning disabilities or than do mental illnesses.

Many with Asperger's do not live very successful lives, a number of them due to that very reason..

[tiamat]

She knows that Mom is ALWAYS there for her. And Daddy too!

It's not that i wish she was "normal": I love and cherish her for her funny, quirky little self.

( And I am SO glad she never got the Britney-Madonna-Barbie sort of obsession!)

I just wish other people would lighten up on her.

[FITZ]

I think that's what maybe Rush was after --- trivializing a real disorder --- someone who cries about their lack of a social life seems to me like they might not have it because they care. Maybe some people care too much about what others think of them but still aren't popular -- they want social interaction --- that wouldn't be the same thing.

[tiamat]

You're a good guy, Travis.

Hope your family is well.

[AntiGuv]

You may be right. I didn't hear the Rush comments nor was I framing my remarks with those in mind.

[FITZ]

who excels at his job but finds the art of small talk impossible to master

I think it's this kind of thing that makes people so skeptical --- not mastering "small talk" is hardly a disorder. How many of us on here right now could really claim we mastered the art of small talk --- if anything to me those who really mastered it seem like they might have more of a problem. You see them at parties mingling everywhere, talking to everyone but saying nothing.

[tiamat]

4-H has been the best thing for us.

Having to describe her projects to the judge, talk to the touristas who visit the shows, work with, train and care for her animal....she has just BLOOMED ! She is WAY more confident, way more at ease around people.

Of course, having a ribbon or two to show, and pins and certificates of achievement are good for her head, too!

LMK if you want a hook into 4-H in your area. It's just the best.

[AntiGuv]

Well, as I mentioned, I do think that this article trivializes the situation to some extent. I also think that there is a wide range of 'affliction' that for all intent merges in with 'normal' behavior at the margins. FWIW, an actual diagnosis generally requires a determination of some kind of functional maladaption that clearly and concretely impacts one's life (I'm not sure if I'm wording that precisely correct, but anyhow).

[tiamat]

AntiGuv wrote:



We are not talking about introversion here. People with Asperger's are measurably and demonstrably incapable of processing social cues. Someone who can process social cues without a conscious thought - whether introverted or not - is not comparable.

---

Yep! Exactly. I have to use VERY exagerrated tone of voice and facial expression with my daughter, otherwise, she just DOESN'T get a clue.

It has caused TERRIBLE problems at school.

We've made some progress, but she still has problems.

[RSmithOpt]

( And I am SO glad she never got the Britney-Madonna-Barbie sort of obsession!)

Me too! Sounds like me when I was younger, however, my stepdaughter did what all the others were in to (boring, but I supported it for her). Example: I preferred getting a guitar at 7yr old for Christmas. Then bought my own with my own money I shoveled snow for etc. at 13 yr. in 1971(Yamaha FG-100 classical). Looks better than Willie Nelson's . I still have it and play it a couple of times a month and still can't read music. Jazz, bluegrass, blues, rock-n-roll, and classical...it's all fun. I hear it, then figure it out. How many 2nd graders you know would read the entire World Book encyclopedia during the summer because the other kids were boring most of the time that summer? Anyway, enough about me, sorry.

I say, to hell with the other people (and the kids) on their perception of your daughter. There are a lot of us out there that understand the beauty of the uniqueness of the individual because that is the ultimate diversity of life...not religion, not race, not age, not political or sexual orientation. It's a shame all those who constantly preach the acceptance and understanding of diversity are simply sometimes full of it. Hopefully, when she's grown, she may look back on her childhood days and grin really big with her parents too!

[Travis McGee]

Amen brother, likewise.

[Travis McGee]

Not true. AS kids and adults DO want to "fit in," often very badly. But because of their neurological miswiring, they constantly misread the social cues and "blow it," and wind up scorned, mocked and humiliated.

The stories I could tell you of the pain inflicted on my son by heartless bastards. To me, they are the same as bullies who would knock over crippled children for laughs.

The emotional meltdowns from the repeated social rejection--and worse--can lead to suicidal words and gestures and intentions.

This is NOT a laughing matter for those of us who hame AS kids or have AS ourselves.

It's damn serious.

[Travis McGee]

This article is a joke, first of all. It's really disappointing that a major paper did such a lame job.

But the fact that we are taling about an autism spectrum is crucial to understanding this. Kids like my son who desperately want friends, who desperately want to fit in, but constantly midread social cues and say or do the wrong thing, it's just psychically torturous for them. People have no idea what being scorned and humiliated constantly does to an adolecsenet who tries for friendship, and gets mocked and bullied instead.

[Travis McGee]

Thanks. Lot of tears going through this thread.

[Travis McGee]

not mastering "small talk" is hardly a disorder

Yes it is, when you are neurologically incapable of ever mastering normal social discourse, and your mistakes lead to scorn, humiliation and rejection. For an adolescent who is desperate for friends, and to "fit in," this makes life a living hell.

[sarasota]

I think boys have a tougher time of it than girls and research supports this. My daughter was able to get by because she was perceived as "shy". She's not at all shy but people tended to look after her because of it, thank God. The school years are very painful for these kids. Be vigilant that your son doesn't become depressed before he graduates and can find his way around a better environment.

[sarasota]

My daughter is 21, so I believe she's too old for 4-H, but I appreciate your kind response.

[Sloth]

Hmmm. I wonder if I could have this. I certainly have a social disorder of some kind. I breezed through grade school, made valedictorian, etc., but they an inability to socially engage other people really hurt me in college and it is crippling now in some work environments. I think it is more of a social anxiety thing than an inability to recognize social rules, though.

[tiamat]

Ah!

Yes, sadly, 21 is too old for 4-H!

Still bumping this for other parents!

Best of luck to you and her!