DUmmie FUnnies 10-30-06 (ALL Is Going According To The Perfect Rovian Plan)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | October 30, 2006 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[Paul Heinzman]

The poll workers turned their heads sharply in my direction when they heard me yell: "ROVE, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!!!"

That actually sounds like some fun on election day. I usually don't like to call attention to myself unless it's negative attention. I might just do that.

[Paul Heinzman]

And the poor DUmmie is befuddled by the existence of a Palm Pilot.

Was it a Palm Pilot? Really? Or was it, in fact, a miniature Diebold touchscreen voting machine that this Rovian plant was using to counter the votes of everyone in the household.

That seems far more plausable than the ridiculous notion that he was with Homeland Security. No, after he left the house he used his two way radio to contact the black SUV parked three houses down.

That was Homeland security.

[ilovew]

It must be the reason they can't get anything done. Every time they go somewhere or see someone, they think those eeeeevil Republicans are out to get them!

[Dmitry Vukicevich]

Interesting how they only found Democrats with voting problems. I guess they really are too dumb to fill out a ballot correctly.

[Dmitry Vukicevich]

It gives me a lot of faith in the ATM machines across the nation that have Diebold written on them.

[Republicans get a $50 bonus on all withdrawals if they insert their vote card into those ATMs.]

Now that is funny because when the gas prices were high I told them that I didn't mind because I donated to the RNC and they sent me a special gas card that reduced the price to $1.50 per gallon.

The sad part is they bought it.

[Paul Heinzman]

They only miscalibrate one way. Funny how that works.

Yeah, just like the McDonald's drive-thru. All your vote and all your McNugget are belong to us.

[Dmitry Vukicevich]

Should have read my liberals co-workers. Learn how to write a cogent sentence.

[Dmitry Vukicevich]

liberals = liberal. I give up my keyboard obviously isn't spelling right today. It has horrible grammar also.

[Paul Heinzman]

I think after the 2000 election Dennis Miller said something about how Broward county residents could keep track of 10 bingo cards at once but could grasp how to use a butterfly ballot.

[Dmitry Vukicevich]

I remember that, one of his best lines.

[Gordongekko909]

Can you imagine being this poor guy? "Yeah, uh huh, lady..."

This guy is probably some poor lib who volunteered for his local Dem candidate to get the vote out. This experience may end up being an eye-opener for him.

[Gordongekko909]

I hate McNugget miscounts. Almost as much as i hate Chick fil'a miscounts. I hate those more because Chick fil'a nuggets are better. :(

[gardencatz]

They only miscalibrate one way. Funny how that works.

How could they possibly KNOW this? They aren't in the booth with republicans when they vote and republicans tend to not whine and moan as much a democrats do. If it were a problem they weren't able to resolve on their own, they'd go get a poll worker. Once the problem's solved they'd vote and go about their business. DUmmies, on the other hand, see conspiracy theories dancing in their fragile little brains and can't function for the rest of the day.

They are completely incapable of seeing their losses for what they are: a rejection of their world view, their political philosophy and their plans for the government. But if they're that concerned about it, I could go for paper ballots (isn't that what we had BEFORE they demanded electronic voting?) if they would support voter picture ID programs. Of course, that kind a compromise that NORMAL people make all the time is impossible for them...even if the government agrees to pay for all voter IDs. Personally, I don't see why these "poor" and "minorities" who would be disenfranchised can't just use the same ID they already use to buy beer or cash a check.

Cindie

[Gordongekko909]

Caipirabob is just $20 away from overturning the 2000 election results! This would be fun if it weren't so illegal!

...but that just makes it MORE fun! Mwahahahahahahahaaaa!

[visualops]

Gary Rudolf called her over to look at what was happening on his machine

Isn't that against the rules? Everywhere I vote there are dividers etc so votes are secret. If he had a problem he should have told the poll worker. I smell a rat lying.

[Gordongekko909]

It just occurred to me that these paranoid DUmmies remind me of those kooks who believe in reincarnation, the ones who always tell you they were Napoleon or an adviser to Cleopatra, someone important.

Interesting note on people who believe in reincarnation: people who believe that they were reincarnated have a very, very strong tendency to believe that the person they were reincarnated from was:

1. The same race as them;

2. The same gender as them;

3. Someone famous;

4. In the same profession as them, or in a well-known profession (explorer, etc).

Once people are informed of these common biases, they have a tendency to immediately try to break every one of them.

[Gordongekko909]

I can't translate my Marching Orders until I properly calibrate my VRWC Decoder Ring. And the Marching Orders already came in late this month. It's October, dammit! We need to get them earlier than the last weekend of the month!

[Gordongekko909]

Ha ha. No, benburch likes to wake up to find the slammer in his...

...uhh, nevermind.

[Gordongekko909]

NOOOOOOOO not the BEEBER! We are all stuned! Stuned I say!

[Gordongekko909]

How could they possibly KNOW this?

Pfft. DUmmies have no need for such bourgeois concerns as "evidence" and "the world not working exactly the way they think it does" and "not being sane." THEY are RIGHT, and that's that. If you disagree, then you are obviously a racist, sexist, homophobic crypto-fascist sheep who probably goes to church and watches NASCAR. And don't argue with the "logic" of this; DUmmies have no need for THAT bourgeois concept either.