KENOSHA, WI—As the Rittenhouse trial drew to a close, Antifa rioters were preparing their violent destruction of the city. But their plans were quickly foiled as Rittenhouse emerged from the courthouse a free man, AR-15 in hand. "The jig is up! Scatter!" cried the terrified commie waifs as they skittered toward shadowy alleyways like cockroaches. "The Rittenhouse has returned! Judgment is upon us! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Rittenhouse then appeared to descend the courthouse steps in slow motion, surrounded by a flock of doves and a heavenly golden light. At the terrifying sight, hundreds of Antifa fairies and murderous pedophiles...