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  • TODAYS SATIRICAL NEWS HEADLINES -- APRIL 19, 2002

    04/19/2002 1:41:13 PM PDT · by Apolitical · 580+ views
    Iconoclast.ca (Top Headlines section) ^ | April 19, 2002 | The Iconoclast
    O.J. SIMPSON SAYS HE CAN'T PAY LAWYERS' $204,000 OWED THEM FROM CUSTODY BATTLE FOR HIS CHILDREN. INSISTS HE'S BROKE, AFTER SPENDING ALL HIS MONEY ON HUNT FOR 'REAL KILLERS' OF NICOLE SIMPSON AND RON BROWN. Celebrity murder suspect, O.J. Simpson, photographed at the height of his fame "I'll get those killers yet," insisted a determined O.J. at a hastily-organized press conference held in the decrepit offices of his P.R. firm which hasn't been paid for years. "It's eaten up all my savings, but I won't give up the search until the real murderers of Nicole are brought to justice!" Mr....
  • O.J. No Longer ’100 Percent Sure’ He is Innocent

    10/18/2002 5:40:38 AM PDT · by RedBloodedAmerican · 71 replies · 371+ views
    MSNBC ^ | 10.16.02 | Andy Borowitz
    Calls Johnnie Cochran’s recent statements ‘thought provoking’ Days after former O. J. Simpson defense attorney Johnnie Cochran said on MSNBC that he is “about 90 percent” certain that his client was innocent, Mr. Simpson today said that his attorney had planted “fresh seeds of doubt” in his own mind. “FOR YEARS, I’VE BEEN pretty sure that I did not murder my wife,” Simpson said today at a golf course in Boca Raton, Fla., where he was taking a rare break from searching for the real killers of his wife. “But if Johnnie’s not 100 percent sure, I’m like, hey, maybe...
  • Irrelevant, who me?

    02/15/2003 5:10:54 AM PST · by ShelleyAa · 2 replies · 244+ views
    Being irrelevant is the key The saying, “You can fool some of the people, some of the time, but not all the people all of the time,” use to be applicable. With O.J., Clinton and now Saddam’s defenses, never has the world’s moral compass become so tilted. Finally, comes the realization that the word IS to many, is not really IS. As many embrace the “all is relevant,” defense, facts become irrelevant. So what if O.J. was found guilty in civil court, Clinton was impeached and Saddam is in material breach. What one must realize, being irrelevant is the key....
  • O.J. Simpson expresses sympathy for Scott Peterson

    08/23/2003 6:23:52 AM PDT · by friendly · 37 replies · 361+ views
    CNN.com (Reuters) ^ | August 22, 2003 | Staff Writers
    Former football star O.J. Simpson, who was found liable for the murder of his wife in a civil trial, expressed sympathy in an interview released Friday for Scott Peterson, who is accused of killing his pregnant wife. "Look at Scott Peterson," Simpson told Playboy Magazine. "Ask anyone in America about him. They'll say the guy is guilty. But we haven't heard one shred of evidence." Fertilizer salesman Peterson of Modesto, California, is accused of killing his wife Laci last Christmas Eve and dumping her body into the San Francisco Bay. A preliminary hearing in the case starts next month. In...