Ah, it is as I expected.
The bonds of false works and religion are too strong.
I was an altar boy and confirmed before I came to know Christ. It was reading the Word of God and seeking His truth alone, that I came to saving faith.
You have chosen to seek comfort instead of truth.
Religion instead of Him.
Self-righteousness instead of salvation.
This is sad for you. Nothing in any church saves.
Christ alone saves.
But you must seek truth to find it.
When you refuse to seek truth, you do not find Him, and will settle for a fake wafer, relying on men.
I wish better for you.
This is on you bro.
It seems to me that you are mistaken as to the actual Doctrines and Dogma regarding works, grace and the very definition of the word Religion. You have come to believe the lies that you have been taught(by men) that have allowed you to fabricate your own personal religion that ratifies the life choices you have made that contradict the scripture that you are so familiar with.
It is you that has chosen to seek comfort instead of the Truth.
Take time to listen to that small still voice, His law is written on your heart.
The road back is hard but through God’s Mercy there is a way back and I pray that you will find it.