[HarleyD]

There are two sides here and they seem to by mutually exclusive.

They are mutually exclusive. There is monergism which believes God does the work. This is usually identified by Reformers and was the view of the early church. And there is synergism which believes that it takes man's cooperation to some degree. This is probably 90% of what the churches believe to day to varying degrees. Synergism is wrong.

[MHGinTN]

Jesus speaking ... Matthew 23:37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!

There is no reasonable way to read that except Jesus saying those who had a choice over and over again would not choose God's way. Not because they had no choice but to defy God but because they chose contrary to what God wanted for them.