Timely post. My 39 year old brother just died from incurable aggressive liver cancer that was caught 9 months ago. Chemotherapy treatments tailed and he spent his lasts 2 months in hospice care.
For much of that 9 months, I prayed for the Lord to heal my brother based upon my faith that he would heal my brother’s cancer. I wasn’t even praying for him to be cured, but just to go into remission and give him a few years to life a renewed life that he would appreciate from his miraculous extension.
The Lord saw fit not to grant the miracle I prayed for. God doesn’t serve me, and I would never temp nor test him. This failure still shakes me and leaves me wondering if I didn’t kill my brother because my faith was too weak for the Lord to grant the miracle I had prayed for.
I full realize it may just be that the Lord had other plans for my brother, my faith notwithstanding. But faith being the bedrock of the Lord’s healing miracles, I really thought my faith was sufficient that the Lord would heal my brother and give him a few extra years on the earth.
I don’t blame God for a thing. I am just left wondering if maybe my faith is too weak, and that hurts and scares me. You would think I would know if my faith was absolute or not. You would think I know. But I don’t.
The first reading from yesterday spoke of God opening the graves and putting His people in their land at the end of time. Have faith in the resurrection for that is the promise of God to the faithful.
God gave your brother 39 years.
Jesus had 36.
“...if maybe my faith is too weak...”
Don’t worry - everyone, including the saints, are on a continual quest to strengthen their faith. However, God has His plan for each of us; the ultimate test of our Faith is accepting God’s Will for ourselves and our loved ones. I do not say this lightly, as my 16 year old daughter has battled a serious bone marrow disease (auto immune) for 10 years and is now scheduled to undergo a bone marrow transplant this summer.
The main thing to remember is that we are on a pilgrim journey here on earth and our destination, heaven, that God has lovingly created for us, is actually far superior to the things found here in the fallen world. People don’t realize how fabulous heaven is. If one just meditates on the concept, we realize that God is responsible for the most beautiful sights and music here on earth; He also created heaven so it will be awesome!!
Also, since God sent death and suffering to His own son, it shows that none of us will escape it - it is our acceptance of His will that matters as far as faith is concerned, and keeping in mind the true destination.
Dear Freedom - So sorry about your brother. I lost mine a while ago, in a blizzard. It is a terrible loss. We had a young man at church with cancer. We had prayer meetings galore, just loved him so much. At one point, I was speaking with a nurse in our congregation who knew him well. “So, how is Michael?” “He is dying, you know.” It hit me like a ton of bricks. Yes, of course, he was dying. It broke through the denial.
Suffering is part of life. It is NOT heaven down here. Life can be terrible, cancer is brutal, death is so final. Whether your brother got a few more years or not did not depend on YOU. The Lord wanted you to walk with Him through the valley of the shadow of death.
Though the fig tree does not bud/
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habakkuk 3:18