Why I deserve welfare --- actual letters [Not Really- Urban Legend]

Jewish World Review ^ | Dec. 19, 2002 | Richard Lederer

[SJackson]

The following are excerpted from actual letters received by our Welfare Department in applications for support.

1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptised on a half sheet of paper.

2. I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

4. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?

5. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.

6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.

7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows.

8. I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.

9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.

10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see.

11. My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.

12. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

13. You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?

14. I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.

15. I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

16. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

JWR contributor Richard Lederer is a language maven. More than a million of his books, which have been Book-of-the-Month Club and Literary Guild alternate selections, are in print. He is the host of "A Way With Words," on KPBS, San Diego Public Radio, and a regular guest on weekend "All Things Considered." He was awarded the Golden Gavel for 2002 by Toastmasters International. Comment by clicking here.

[SJackson]

Since he writes primarily on linguistics, I assume these are actual letters, not humor, but who knows.

[banjo joe]

These are your typically sullen, sleepy fast food clerks looking for a better life.

[muggs]

BUMP

[Jonathon Spectre]

Some hilarity in here, gents. I especially like this gem:

6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.

[muggs]

14. I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.

Hey, at least she's married and not sleeping with someone else.

[KeyBored]

The level of illiteracy displayed in these letters is not funny. It shows how the Reagan cuts in education in the greedy 80's hurt the poorest of the poor.

Of course, minorities, women and children were hardest hit. The NY Times told me so.

(Before anyone hits the "flame" key, I'm intending this as < sarcasm > , folks.)

Just thought I'd display Hillary's response in advance.

[Davis]

It appears the business of begging is alive and well in US today...

For more, read here...

http://www.atrentino.com/Beggars1.html
http://www.atrentino.com/Beggars2.html

[muggs]

(Before anyone hits the "flame" key, I'm intending this as < sarcasm > , folks.)

Just thought I'd display Hillary's response in advance.

It's a good thing you included that. I was about to lay into you real good. :)

[Skooz]

I worked as a Claims Rep for the Social Security Administration for eleven years. I interviewed claimants to verify eligibility for the SSI program, and, if they were eligible, paid them.

You would not believe the letters I got.

[ArGee]

I am reminded of Jesse "The Mind" Ventura's meeting with some single mothers early in his tenure as Governor of Minnesota. He said something very much like, "So you married a bum. Personally I'm sorry for you. But I don't see why that's a problem for the taxpayers."

Shalom.

[RipSawyer]

I worked as a Claims Rep for the Social Security Administration for eleven years. I interviewed claimants to verify eligibility for the SSI program, and, if they were eligible, paid them.

You would not believe the letters I got.


How about the social security disability program. Here in my area we have people who are drawing disability while doing contract landscaping for local government and others who draw while working for cash payment only. Yet, at the same time there are numerous people who are truly disabled but are turned down even though they have worked and paid the taxes for decades. This has to be one of the most poorly administered programs the government has. It seems that payment is based on whether you qualify for welfare rather than actual disability. I have found nothing which indicates that social security disability is a means tested program and yet it is administered in that fashion in this area, at least for caucasians, that is.

[NYDave]

Say wha..........

[oyez]

It shows how the Reagan cuts in education in the greedy 80's hurt the poorest of the poor.

Really these letters pre date the Reagan era, but knowing Hillery, she would use ths saw as party line. Of course the media would call her on it. NOT!

[axel f]

Whew, I was worried for a second!

I can't believe anyone would have the nerve to write these letters, but I can't believe many leftists feel good about themselves because of the "help" they're giving these people (with our money, of course).

[trebb]

Ebonics - the language of choice for the illiterate...

[lodwick]

One of the problems with the disability program is that it is an all or nothing deal - unlike the military which uses a percentage grading of the level of one's disability. Another problem is that the people approved, or disapproved, for benefits tend to be determined by the economy and how many dollars are floating around DC at the time, instead of the disability itself.

And the number one problem is Title XVI which allows the indigent, foreign or domestic to get benefits from the program, whether they've ever paid a penny into the system or not.

[Poohbah]

(Before anyone hits the "flame" key, I'm intending this as < sarcasm > , folks.) Look out for those folks with hair-trigger flame keys, though.

[steve-b]

Snopes is our friend.