I got a solution...
Got bacon?
Be Seeing You,
Chris
Posted on 12/06/2002 2:21:54 AM PST by kattracks
AN ISRAELI AIRLINER’S narrowly averted destruction over Mombasa, Kenya on Nov. 28 proves that al Qaida possesses surface-to-air missiles and will use them against passenger jets.In news accounts late last month, a Pakistani nuclear scientist’s son said that before 9-11, Osama bin Laden asked his father to build him an atomic weapon. That’s “not child’s play,” the scientist reportedly replied. Let’s hope bin Laden’s luck has not improved.
There is a low-tech answer to such high-tech threats: Pork. America should declare that the remains of terrorists who commit suicide attacks or are executed here will be wrapped in pigskins and lard and buried in unmarked graves.
According to the Moskovsky Komsomolets newspaper, that is how Russian authorities handled the bodies of 50 Chechen terrorists who commandeered a Moscow theater on Oct. 23. This hard-ball tactic toward mass murderers dovetails with their unbending faith in their twisted interpretation of Islam. They believe that contact with hogs slams the Pearly Gates shut. Hello, Miss Piggy. Goodbye, 72 virgins.
Compare this to the treatment of Mir Aimal Kasi. He was executed Nov. 14 in a Virginia prison for fatally shooting CIA employees Frank Darling and Lansing Bennett and wounding three others near the agency’s headquarters in 1993. “There is no God but Allah,” Kasi repeated until a lethal injection hushed him for good.
Officials returned Kasi’s body to his family in Quetta, Pakistan. A crowd of 10,000 turned his outdoor funeral into a giant rally. “Aimal, martyr of Islam,” one banner read. “Down with America,” mourners shouted. Terrorists who die on U.S. territory never should go home.
This policy is tailor-made for nine of the Sept. 11 hijackers whose remains were pulled from the Pentagon and a field in Shanksville, Pa. What’s left of them is being held as evidence by the FBI. As CBS News described them, these eight Saudis and one Lebanese are considered heroes by many in the Muslim world and would be applauded if delivered to their families. Instead, they should be the first to experience America’s new, get-tough interments for Islamic killers.
The message is simple: “Mess with us, and your moms and dads never will see you again. We will wrap you in bacon and stick you in secret graves on a pig farm deep inside the Great Satan. If not for eternity, at least for decades, swine will frolic in the mud above your ham-soaked bones. Any questions?”
If this approach keeps pirated jets out of our skyscrapers, the terrorists will have lost.
Is this a perfect solution? No. Muslim fanatics still could attack us.
But rather than simply perish here, each would have to survive and flee, lest he jeopardize his posthumous access to six dozen chaste sex slaves.
It will be far harder to unleash fresh carnage if the perpetrators must arrange get-away cars and escape routes rather than simply commit suicide among their victims.
Also, Islamist mullahs could issue fatwas allowing “martyrs” to mix with pig flesh. Let them. Their followers will wonder how their spiritual leaders could permit something so clearly prohibited. Let the heads of would-be Islamic butchers clang with cognitive dissonance.
Finally, Muslims worldwide might denounce porcine burials. But if this practice slows or stops terrorists, it will justify the denunciations.
As America defends itself in a war we did not start, what we must do need not be pretty. Is this all rather macabre? Yes, but so is the fact that medical examiners used DNA analysis on a crushed helmet’s sweat-stained lining to identify FDNY captain Brian Hickey as one of the 2,795 innocents murdered at the World Trade Center.
America did not ask for this war. Unfortunately, we may have to go medieval to defeat an unenlightened enemy eager to repeal the Renaissance.
Deroy Murdock is a columnist with the Scripps Howard News Service.
We can never be sure that allah won't stop drinking, sober up, lighten up and allow pig-tainted martyrs into a sort of demi-paradise...
You know, a nice house in the 'burbs and a pair of twins who never went quite all the way with anyone.
No palace chock full of non-swarthy virgins, to be sure, but still an improvement over the terrorist's earthly home of painted concrete blocks and a chunky wife who came to the marriage with more miles on her than a 10 year old minivan.
We need to maintain a special pig farm where moslem executions are performed by 400 pound boars.
The ponderous porkers would be allowed to eat the condemned allah-thralls and convert them into pig feces.
Which would almost certainly be problematic even for an allah who wasn't seeing double...
Hmmm...
It worked for Old Blackjack just fine.
If Ivan has had a little trouble copying Pershing's success that's not the first time the Russians have had a little slip twixt their cups and their lips.
Or is this about a sympathy for moslems? (spitting on floor)
I got a solution...
Got bacon?
Be Seeing You,
Chris
Your suggestion is astonishingly close to a classified plan due to be executed at the beginning of the coming war.
Since you've let the cat out of the bag, we can discuss it.
The Air Force will soon roll out the XM-666, a next gen fighter that resembles a witch on a broomstick.
Capable of carrying multiple weapon platforms, the XM-666 will also be equipped with state of the art skywriting technology. The pilot can type in the desired message, select smoke color and hit a language specific function key.
The plane will then fly by wire, on autopilot, writing the message while the pilot plays 'Frogger' in a window that opens on the heads up display.
The mission that introduces the XM-666 will involve a tactical nuke strike on Medina followed by a skywriting display over Mecca, in black smoke, that says: 'SURRENDER MOHAMMED'.
The hope is that the towel-heads will be paralyzed by their conflicting desires to cravenly surrender big Mo and their inability to do so, considering the fact that he's dead as a doornail.
Keep this under your hat for now.
If W actually believes this, he's horribly wrong.
I assume, for now and for the sake of peace of mind, that these comments are calculated and disingenuous propaganda on his part.
The damnable moslems are at war with the world, led by a demon who is at war with God.
If we don't break them, they will break us.
"...My point is that as bush has been at pains to point out: ... "we are not at war with islam"..."
If the President ever says "We are at war with Islam", how long before mosques all over America start becoming bar-b-que pits for hog roasts? Not very long.
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