Zimbabwe -- Get on yer bike

IT has been announced that the fuel crisis gripping a troubled central African country is about to become a fuel catastrophe.

Just a few weeks ago, the most equal of all comrades announced petrol woes would end because oil companies would import their own fuel. Though most troubled motorists thought this would mean a sharp rise in the cost of petrol, they viewed the prospect as better than having no fuel at all.

Still, this week the most equal of all comrades had his decree quashed by the troubled central African nation's minister for fuel queues. The minister said a new company would be formed to procure fuel for the troubled central African country.

The new company will be a joint venture between the company that failed to supply the troubled central African nation's fuel for the last two years and another company that refuses to supply fuel on the unreasonable grounds that it would rather like to be paid.

Petroleum industry analysts pointed out that while the joint venture was a courageous new initiative, it was hardly encouraging news for motorists or consumers.

"If the state-owned No Oil Company (hasn't been able to pay its debts) and this other company from up north won't sell, we have to predict the likelihood of success is more than a little remote," said one analyst who added that the whole business was rather gloomy and depressing.

Not to be discouraged, the minister for fuel queues said he was confident the new plan would work. He said it would encourage competition in a marketplace so regulated by government that retailers can buy from only one supplier and sell only at a price set by the state. Moreover, he said (because ministers like the word), there would now be serious competition among the imperialist capitalist oil magnates because the state supplier would supply only to its own filling stations.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the More Diesel Coming Party (you'll be lucky) said the plan was madness but he looked forward to the day when the masses rose and set fire to the state-owned fuel stations. "Not that it'll be that spectacular," he said, "there won't be any explosions or anything like that because we can confidently say that all of them will be empty."

Still, while it's bad news for motorists, it's good news for bicycle merchants. Retailers around the troubled central African nation were reported to be doing a brisk trade in bicycles as troubled citizens prepared to make themselves look ludicrous on the two wheeled contraptions.

Even in remote areas of the troubled central African country elderly bicycle mechanics are reported to be coming out of retirement to repair and rebuild the foolish looking machines in an effort to keep the people mobile.

It has even been suggested that the cavalcade of the most equal of all comrades will in future be a multi-million dollar German limousine pulled by several dozen oxen confiscated from an colonialist farmer. "Under those circumstances a siren will probably be unnecessary," said a police spokesman.

The rumour of a prototype Mercedes Scotch Cart has been scotched by both the heirs to the Nazi car manufacturer and the troubled central African nation's spin doctors. "There's no point in making a bullet proof limousine if you can shoot the cattle and render it immobile," said a pragmatic German-while a spin doctor for the most equal of all comrades dismissed the claim as undignified.

"Next you'll be suggesting he queues for petrol like the rest of you ungrateful peasants," he said.

One could easily substitute Department of Homeland Security, CIA, FBI, BATF, DIA, NSA, etc. for the ministries and companies referred to in the article, and it would be equally as laughable, and true.

LOL! Zimbabwe bump.

...he looked forward to the day when the masses rose and set fire to the state-owned fuel stations. "Not that it'll be that spectacular," he said, "there won't be any explosions or anything like that because we can confidently say that all of them will be empty."

This is a sly reference to the destruction of the main petroleum storage tanks in Rhodesia during the war in the 1970s, when they were blown up by sabateurs. The pictures of the petrol tanks burning were published in newspapers worldwide.

This was one of the actions which caused the Rhodesian government to know that the handwriting was on the wall. The writer is alluding to this incident.

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