POINTS TO PONDER: The 16 Known Facts of Life . . .

[Liz]

1. A .44 Magnum beats four aces.

2. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.

3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

7. Given an open-book exam, you will forget your book; if a take-home test, you will forget where you live.

8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

10. Gresham's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

12. Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

13. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.

14. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

15. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

16. Paranoids are people, too. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.

[MindBender26]

Von Dollin's Mechanical Maxim:

"In times of automotive emergency; any tool at hand becomes a hammer."

[js1138]

There are only two kinds of screwdrivers: the kind you have, and the kind you need.

[Britton J Wingfield]

Which one wrote that, George Carlin or Ted Nugent?

[Lou L]

"Those who snore loudest, fall asleep first."

[Chancellor Palpatine]

Tequila makes you bulletproof.

[Bob]

There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't. :=)

[discostu]

Well since you posted the one I wanted to I shall have to counter with:
there are two types of people in the world: those that fit in neat categories...

[Alberta's Child]

17. Baseball has it all wrong -- A man with four balls cannot walk.

[b4its2late]

17. Baseball has it all wrong -- A man with four balls cannot walk.

Maybe he can't walk, but he'll definitely have and be, the topic of conversation.....

[BlazingArizona]

There are 10 kinds of people in this world - those who understand binary and those who don't!

[genefromjersey]

One might add a few :

Urinating into the wind can create that " not quite fresh " feeling.

Clearing your sinuses while clearing your bowels is not advisable.

Unwanted guests are always the last to leave.

[genefromjersey]

One might add a few :

Urinating into the wind can create that " not quite fresh " feeling.

Clearing your sinuses while clearing your bowels is not advisable.

Unwanted guests are always the last to leave.

Careless and inept physicians usually make up for their shortcomings by displaying extreme promptness in billing.

[wordsofearnest]

But he sure can strut.

[Bob]

There are 10 kinds of people in this world - those who understand binary and those who don't!

My being in the military was tough enough for my kids. "Mommy, Daddy tells time funny -- he keeps going past 12 to 13 o'clock."

In civilian life, I got into programming. "Mommy, Daddy counts funny too -- he starts at zero instead of one and he uses letters after nine."

[XDemocrat]

"There are 10 kinds of people in this world - those who understand binary and those who don't!"

What kind of boolean logic is that?

[RightWhale]

Very good.

[mil-vet]

If you think things are going well, you've obviously overlooked something....

[commandante_zero]

And some others:

-Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

-Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

-The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.

-There is always one more imbecile than you counted one.

and....

-One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

[Alberta's Child]

18. A man who walks through an airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok.