'The Children Of Children' A Rockin' Window On Divorce

Toogood Reports ^ | July 29, 2002 | Gerald L. Rowles, Ph.D.

[Stand Watch Listen]

When Ross Parke and Armin Brott first published Throwaway Dads in 1999, I wrote:

"For the millions of fathers who have experienced the intimacy of involved fatherhood, and its subsequent loss through divorce, this book will give them the validation they can find in few other places. Throwaway Dads stridently touches a nerve ..."

Similarly, I was profoundly gratified when Sandy Braver published his rebuttal to one of the most offensive and prevalent myths about men, i.e., that they come "through the the whole divorce process with relatively few emotional scratches. ... men are truly little boys who are relieved to be finally released from the oppressive responsibilities of fatherhood and family." (Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths)

So when I was approached by Mark A. Durstewitz - the M.A.D in Madmen & Dreamers - to review his "original rock opera" The Children of Children , it seemed an unlikely vehicle for advancing the efforts of Parke, Brott, Braver et al. But my curiosity was piqued, and I accepted the offer of a CD for my review.

Far from expectations, it turns out that these troubadours have anticipated the latest "social science" and set it to music with sensitive lyrics and heartfelt sincerity. The impact is uniquely palpable, with staying power far beyond sterile headlines that will be quickly forgotten.

Ostensibly, Children is a simple story of two generic young people, unschooled in the realities and responsibilities of children and marriage, that follows a twenty-year course of gradual drift, finally running aground on the harsh shoals of divorce. The subsequent wreckage for them and their children is sadly poignant, but not without hope.

For those dads who are experienced castaways, the balanced portrayal of unwitting erosion, trumped by willful betrayal, will validate their own passage. They will also find an affirmation of the crashing pain of losing their children, as well as recognition of every dad's dream of father-child reunion. Such is the powerful undertow that lies just beneath the surface of this 2-disc voyage

I still talk with Mom, She's forgiven me for leaving, but won't take any fault blaming Dad is far too easy. My sister holds a grudge instead of leaving it behind. If she'd only budge, it sure would ease my father's mind.

Daddy, can we talk? It's not too late to listen to your side of all we've lost, to your pain-inflicted wisdom. Daddy, can we talk? Forgive me what I've done. Let's take a little walk and say what's done is done. – The Children of Children

These excerpts from the thirty-three verse opera give only a tiny sampling of the marvelous insights demonstrated by Madmen & Dreamers (actually six men and two women) who are far from being deranged dreamers. Again, they have artfully anticipated the most recent research that illuminates the "grudge" differential between women and men.

For those of you who are fortunate enough to be part of a successfully committed two-parent nuclear family with teenagers, I can't think of a better parenting aide in helping to prevent your kids from making an all too common and tragic mistake. As a matter of fact, I can't think of a better aide, or cathartic experience, for single parents.

So why this unabashed promotion of a commercial venture such as Children of Children? Because I believe it is much more than just that.

It may be one of the most memorable, timely and potentially influential pieces of artful commentary to come along in some time; not to mention being a vastly superior cultural artifact; and an antidote for such contemporary dreck as the Vagina Monologues.

A visit to the Madmen & Dreamers site for a preview of the opera and a creative view of the performers will be a worthwhile investment of your time. And it may, hopefully, pique your interest too.

If so, spread the word. Get a copy of your own from one of the many alternative music sites like cdstreet.com and share it with your legislative representatives, family and friends. In fact, if you have any contacts with local theatre productions, encourage them to bring the performers to your town.

Throwaway Dads palpably touched a nerve when I first read it.

However, by the time I arrived at Children of Children's verse 33, "Daddy, can we talk?", the lump in the throat and the moist cheeks went well beyond that.

[Illbay]

I can't even think about this anymore. My kids from my first marriage are pretty much grown now--wife walked out on me when they were small, because she was 'tired of being married.'

But we are still not as close as I wish, because of the fear of "offending Mom," and also lingering resentment because I wasn't around much--that's a long story, and there is some justification for their feelings.

I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to solve this until everyone recommits to God.

[wasp69]

Bump for dad's who are deeply scarred from a childhood of divorce to divorce themselves. How many of these survivors of childhood divorce end up being divorced after swearing that it would not happen to them only to find themselves feeling if they were that ___(insert age here) year old child again when they are well into their adulthood? How does a man in this position keep his children from ending up in the same spot?

Age old questions that if were ever answered would never bring back what they have needed since their own world was ripped to shreds when they were children....

[Stand Watch Listen]

Related Article

Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths
Source: Men's News Daily; Published: July 22, 2002;
Author: Roger F. Gay

Why There Are So Many Women in the Fathers' Movement
Source: CNSNews.com; Published: June 21, 2002;
Author: Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson

[CDHart]

"I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to solve this until everyone recommits to God."

These are words of inestimable wisdom.

Carolyn

[kancel]

>>Why There Are So Many Women in the Fathers' Movement<<

It is a shame this thread ended the way it did.