Posted on 04/30/2002 6:55:41 PM PDT by GreatOne
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians visit the Midwest, the Minnesota, Wisconsin and surrounding states Tourism Council has adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the Midwest.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a muskie breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
11. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
13. Yeah, we eat catfish,--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
14. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 94 goes two ways--Interstate 35 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
15. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the Saturday before Thanksgiving. You can get breakfast at the church.
16. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
17. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home...ASAP!
Seems like some fairly typical liberal dissing of rural rednecks.
Gee I got it..but then I'm a N Wi rural redneck...
15. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the Saturday before Thanksgiving.
That's the Wisconsin Opener. Minnesota Zone 1 & 2 Opener is the first weekend of November, which is why we have clowns like Paul Welfare in office. A half-million Minnesota deer hunters are out in the woods on the first Tuesday of November in every even year, and they forget to file their absentee ballots until it's too late.
I think it's a Democrat/DNR conspiracy, myself.
Well, Jeff Foxworthy is reknown for his "You know you're a redneck if..." routines, which are absolutely hilarious.
I'm afraid the "jokes" on this posted article just don't strike me as being funny. Not that I'm offended by them or anything. They just seem to be the same old, dull repetition of stereotypes without any effort at creative freshness.
The two are completely different worlds.
LOL, funniest damn thing I've read in a while. And so true.
There are two Minnesotas: the red zone which consists of 85% of the state and the blue zone which covers the urban areas of Minneapolis/St.Paul and Duluth. The two are completely different worlds.
Same here in Kentucky. You've got Louisville and, to a lesser extent, Lexington. Then you've got, "the rest of the state." Like you said, two different worlds.
Don't forget the Iron Range. Damn Commie Finns!
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