Vanity: Worst Baby Names

11/26/01

[Phantom Lord]

Alright, this is a total vanity. I didn't post it under "Breaking News" so relax.

My mother and aunts have been pestering my wife and I about when we are going to have children. Lately, we have taken to coming up with the worst possible names for babies and telling them we are considering names first. Well, they get real upset with some of them and even get angry with us for even considering them.

My mother in law is coming down for Christmas and it is inevitable that when she, my mother, and my aunts get together they will gang up on us about having kids. So, what I need from my fellow FReepers is a good list of really bad baby names to suggest to them as names we are considering. You help and creativity is greatly appreciated.

Oh, the last name is Terwilliger if that helps at all.

[Constitution Day]

Better still, he goes by "Wayne" and not "Jerry"!

His name is really plain vanilla compared to my dad's other siblings, such as:

James Buchanan _______ (my dad)
Cordell Hull _______
Franklin Delano _______
Harry Truman _______
Eleanor Marian _______

Yes, my grandfather loved politics... I guess I came by it honestly.
By the end of his life (1970), he became a staunch Republican.
Meanwhile, his children remained stuck with the names of Democratic politicians.

Yes, this is a true story!

[mountaineer]

Madison is just one of the many surnames being used as a first name these days, all of which are annoying. Tyler, Mason, Davis, Whitney, etc., and the many spelling variations thereof are stupid. I also will include the rustic cowboy names, e.g., Montana (Montanna, Tannah, etc., one of which is my white trash cousin's child); Dakota; Nevada (who wants to be named after this place?); etc. Then there are the misspellings of equally silly names: Brittany (isn't that a breed of dog?), Britney, Brytni. Let's not forget the poor children named after songs or celebrities, e.g., Rhiannon. No, wait, there's more! Did you know the name Antoine could be spelled at least 15 different ways? Here are a few: Antuowon, Antwon, Antuahan, Antuwahan (all probably playing in the NFL or the NBA as we speak). Then there are the three girls living next door to me. Lest you be confused, they are Caucasian: Mikita (I don't know if this is a takeoff on the power tools or the hockey player), Anda and Raven.

[Revolting cat!]

A popular name among Indian (from India) males is Piyush, promounced, as you would suspect, 'pee-yoosh'. One Piyush I've known preferred to be called Ted! Go figure.

[Jen]

...And Syphillis (pronounced Sigh-Phyllis)

[IowaHawk]

Name Yore Baby The White Trash Way!

Just cuz you live in a double wide and collect disability don't mean yore youngun cain't have a Beverly Hills name! Use these

1. For a girl, nothin' spells "high class" like one a them England-soundin' names; Tiffannie, Britttnea, Chelssy, Mackenzieeye. Later on, she won't even have to change it when she becomes a lap dancer in Tucson!

2. We haven't even scratched the surface in new spellings for 'Katelyn' - Catelin, Kaightlynne, Khaytlan.

3. For boys, try something manly and rugged. Think Old West, indian tribe or your favorite pickup truck: Dakota, Cheyenne, Cody, Ranger, Abilene, F-150, Wounded Knee. Give him a baby mullet or rat tail, and you'll be the proudest poppa in the Sturgis drunk tank!

[Timesink]

Let's not forget the poor children named after songs or celebrities, e.g., Rhiannon.

*cough*chelsea*cough*

[Freemyland]

Your list correlates with my child naming pet peeve - making first names out of last names.

[Physicist]

Marmaduke.

[Physicist]

He Hate Me.

[malakhi]

Being Catholic, maybe someone can suggest some really bad Pope names.

Clement, Urban, Anacletus, Hyginus, Eutychian, Pelagius (!), Lando, Agapetus.

[JoeGar]

My wife also had a little girl named Bernadetta who insisted the correct pronunciation of her name was Bernita.

[bloodmeridian]

Madison is just one of the many surnames being used as a first name these days, all of which are annoying. Tyler, Mason, Davis, Whitney, etc., and the many spelling variations thereof are stupid. I also will include the rustic cowboy names, e.g., Montana (Montanna, Tannah, etc., one of which is my white trash cousin's child); Dakota; Nevada (who wants to be named after this place?); etc. Then there are the misspellings of equally silly names: Brittany (isn't that a breed of dog?), Britney, Brytni. Let's not forget the poor children named after songs or celebrities, e.g., Rhiannon. No, wait, there's more! Did you know the name Antoine could be spelled at least 15 different ways? Here are a few: Antuowon, Antwon, Antuahan, Antuwahan (all probably playing in the NFL or the NBA as we speak). Then there are the three girls living next door to me. Lest you be confused, they are Caucasian: Mikita (I don't know if this is a takeoff on the power tools or the hockey player), Anda and Raven

Would Anda be a particularly bad mispronunciation of Andy? I've always loathed such names as Aisha and Kendrell, myself. My son got stuck with Ethan Augustus, essentially because I want to call him Augie. At least I wasn't stuck on "Jeb."

[blutobob]

Elton Fidel Osama, attributing your decision to your new found bisexuality and conversion to communism and Islam.

[Busywhiskers]

Ed, Bob, Mark, John, Paul, Bill, Nazgul, Agamemnon

[Tennessee_Bob]

Voivod Petuniasnout

[TightSqueeze]

Gaylord Merryweather Terwilliger.

[LizM]

Oh, how about Mohammad, Saddam or Osama? Maybe Lucifer? For a girl, Jezebel or Hillary? That should keep them quiet.

[Phantom Lord]

I am very disappointed it took 141 posts for Dingle Norwood to be suggested.

[jackbill]

or any of the following: Beula, Bertha, Winona, Ashley (boy), Osama, Regis

Reminded me of a list of names my Dad used to recite. He knew a family with 13 kids. All of their names started with B. Buela and Bertha were among them. He'd recite their names and end with Brownie - their dog.

[Atticus]

Orenthal James
Edsel
Gomer (or even worse: Goober
Caligula
Elmo (or Emo)
Connie (but only if your last name is Lingus; otherwise a fine name)
Homer
Worst muslim name: Kareem Puff or (Ahma Takalik)
Worst Indian name: Two Dogs @#$%ing